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Talking to the Kids about MIA Daddy

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How do you talk to the kids about their father if you don't know him yourself? Our expert weighs in.

single mother with son and missing father

Single Mom Seeking: Recently at momlogic, a single mom wrote to ask an important Daddy question:

"Do you have any suggestions for a situation in which the father was never present? The 'we weren't happy living together' explanation could create more issues, since it isn't exactly true."

If this describes your life, Dr. Leah Klungness, psychologist and author of "The Complete Single Mother," offers some advice:

Begin with the most obvious -- tell your child how very much he/she was wanted. You can tell your child that sometimes grown-ups do not know exactly what they want until it starts happening to them.

If you were young -- and perhaps this was a one-night stand -- tell your child you were far from home and feeling lonesome. You met a man and shared a very special adventure and made a beautiful baby together. Tell them that things in life happen for a purpose, and that you met this man for one and only one purpose -- to create your son/daughter, whom you love so much.

Discuss him more as a useful part of getting your heart's desire rather than the lounge lizard he most likely was. When he/she pushes for more information, it's okay to say that you really don't know that much about him.

Do emphasize, however, that you know that the most important thing about him was the part he played in helping you to make him or her.

If you're a single mom who has a similar story, how have you answered the Daddy questions?




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10 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous September 19, 2009, 7:25 AM

Whatever you do, honesty is the best policy. My mom lied about who my father was to both me and my “dad”. We found out in my thirties that he wasn’t biological and we were both crushed and it took ten years for us to get our acts together. I’ll never know who the biological dad is and I’ve never come to terms with it. I wish she would have been truthful from the beginning. It has destroyed my feelings of my mom.

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