Just a Guy, Pouting

Saturday, September 12, 2009

filed under: relationship logic

I find it hard to believe that I'm a grown man and I still pout.

Bruce Sallan: When my wife and I don't get along and our communication is in the toilet, I sulk, pout, and take all my toys and go hide in my cave. OK, maybe not all my toys, but you get the picture.

After all my time in therapy, all my time in my men's group, all the ups and downs of marriage, divorce, dating again, and getting married again, I still act like a little boy when my feelings are hurt.

I hate when I do that. It doesn't matter whether I'm right or wrong: I lose! Granted, I'm usually right, but it's the same as being in the crosswalk when a car comes barreling through and runs you down. You still lose. And, with my wife, or any woman for that matter, you can't run away. She/they are just built tougher and better able to withstand periods of silence and our pouting.

Eventually, I give in and start talking again, and maybe we fight a little and, usually, we make up. It often turns out to be a complete misunderstanding or misinterpretation of things said, so we both have lost during the time I was hiding out and she was being quiet as she's "processing" whatever it is that has occurred.

I can't help but think of Rex Harrison in "My Fair Lady," singing "Why Can't a Woman Be More Like a Man?" But what do I know, I'm just a guy.

Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 12 and 15. His internationally syndicated column, A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. To contact Bruce, visit his new website brucesallan.com.

filed under: relationship logic

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15 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Well Bruce, you pretty much sound like most men. We women are just more mature, more evolved, and all around better. You guys can lift things, thankfully. LOL. Love your blogs!

- Denise

Posted 09/12/09 09:13 AM

Men’s immaturity is nothing about men’s particularity. This is just a “process” of our time to kill the paternal/the hunter/macho figure of Men’s kind. You choosen your way against what you saw and learned about other men’s, nothing to regret ^_^.

- Aralene

Posted 09/12/09 12:07 PM

Bruce, you are so correct. Women ARE tougher and better able to withstand periods of silence! For instance: A campfire setting far back in time. “So, whose gonna kill a Mammoth for dinner?” The women are smart enough to say absolutely nothing because sooner or later a man is going to get up and go try. I call that smart!! Oh, and women make the best spies. They let everyone think they are running the show, but in actuality the woman is. Pouting is just our way of throwing an tantrum. And everyone needs to do that from time to time.

- PostalDad

Posted 09/12/09 02:11 PM

Oh yea,… Macho is a male mule. So when you’re calling someone macho, you are calling them half a jack@ss. LOL Just thought you should know.

- PostalDad

Posted 09/12/09 02:51 PM

Well it’s good to know that pouting is a universal male thing. Kind of like spitting, fondling yourselves, collecting stuff and saving stuff etc etc. Oh the many wonders of a man! :)

- Megan

Posted 09/12/09 05:43 PM

Oh, Megan, I thought you were talking about female traits…lol!

- Bruce Sallan

Posted 09/12/09 07:30 PM

ahaha megan…my husband is also a pouter! silences dont bother me at all he always caves! ;]

- shey

Posted 09/12/09 08:51 PM

It’s funny…there are very few things about myself that I dislike more than my tendency to sulk when I’m frustrated or angry…but I haven’t found any bad habit that has been harder to break. I am very grateful that after 30+ years of marriage, my wife usually knows just the right thing to say to snap me out of it and get me talking. I must also say that especially in the last 10 years, I am MUCH better about recognizing this behavior and either getting past it. Eventually, I will get over this character flaw. Thanks, Bruce…another brave and insightful column.

- Scott

Posted 09/13/09 08:57 AM

I pout just a much as my husband but I’m more open to talking. He’s such a guy. Love your viewpoint view. That farting blog cracked me up!

- Robin W.

Posted 09/13/09 11:48 AM

I find thoe gender differences endlessly fascinating and challenging. Your Just a Guy looking blog got me angry yet on reflection i couldn’t argue with its truth. You things up which is y i like your blog. Thanks

- Gail

Posted 09/13/09 11:53 AM

I take pride in the fact that normally I don’t allow my emotions to dictate my behavior. Usually, my mind overrules my heart. BUT, when I believe my wife has been insensitive to my feelings, that’s another story. I withdraw and pout. I don’t want to be this way. It’s a battle worth waging. I’ll be happy with small signs of progress.

- David

Posted 09/13/09 07:03 PM

I get curt and crabby … is that the same as pouting?

- David W.

Posted 09/15/09 06:56 PM

Are ya gonna pout if you don’t get more comments?

- Anonymous

Posted 09/18/09 09:51 AM

I love you “Anonymous” as you always have something nice to say and say it with the full courage and safety of anonymity. In case you don’t know what that means, it means you’re chicken-sh*&^t.

- Bruce Sallan

Posted 09/18/09 12:12 PM

That’s honesty. I think I pout sometimes too. But, in the end, I think out pout less than everyone else in my family. Can there be an award for that? There should be! And now, since there’s not…i want to pout.

- TED G

Posted 09/23/09 09:16 PM