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One More Reason for My Kid to Hate Me

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Yesterday, I gave my 10-year-old daughter one more reason to hate me: I banned her from attending sleepovers.

angry looking daughter

Momlogic's Amanda: Why? Name one good thing that happens when you put a bunch of impulsive and hyperactive tweenage girls together after midnight!

I thought so.

In all seriousness, there is no denying that sleepovers are fun. What's not to like about an all-night party? But really, when you get down to it, is it a good idea to let your tween hang out with a bunch of friends all night ... largely unsupervised?

When I picked my daughter up at 10 PM at her last invited sleepover party, she complained the whole way home about all of the fun that she was missing. When pressed, she explained that said "fun" included TPing a neighbor's house, crank-calling boys, and playing with a Ouija board ... and that's just the stuff she confessed to.

Someone told me once that common sense goes to bed at midnight. For tweens? Move that number back a few hours!

What's the policy at your house regarding sleepover parties?

next: Kidney Stones -- It's Like Labor!
27 comments so far | Post a comment now
Kristen September 3, 2009, 4:10 AM

We have a no sleepover policy as well. I agree with all the things in the article but those really are small things compared with child molestation and other heinous things that can occur at a sleepover. I will NEVER know the mother, father, sister or brother from that household well enough to really feel secure. When my older sister was 15 she slept over at her best friends house, my family knew the entire family quite well(or so we thought), well one night the dad propisitioned my sister and tried to touch her. You just never know!

Jamie September 3, 2009, 5:08 AM

We were always allowed to sleep over at friends, if we chose, once we hit 10 so long as my parents knew the parents. And we will allow our children to do the same. Seriously, no sleep overs? Hello helicopter parents!! This is what wrong with kids today.

I would sooner understand no sleepovers in the teen years (when they can really get in some trouble) than in their childhood. Will the first time your child sleeps away from home be when they leave for college? Seriously, that will cause a disadvantage.

Tammy September 3, 2009, 6:25 AM

What a bunch of uptight ninnies!!! Sleepovers are a huge part of my meories of a happy childhood.. early tween hood. It’s a right of passage!
Gee whiz, cut the apron strings and let your kids have a life!

Chris September 3, 2009, 6:34 AM

Seriously? What is wrong with people anymore? Our children are growing up to be sheltered little whiny babies, because everyone is afraid to let them out in the world. I went to sleepovers. In fact most people I know did the same, and nothing bad happened to them. Crank calling boys?! SO WHAT?! It is the fun part of being a kid. It’s not like they are out at some club or smoking pot. Good lord, did you grow up in a Nunery?

Natalie September 3, 2009, 6:50 AM

Wow…that’s just ridiculous. No sleepovers? I had tons of sleepovers as a kid, and nothing bad ever happened. We watched movies, hung out, ate candy, went to sleep. My children will have the same opportunity that I did. There’s no reason not to.

j September 3, 2009, 7:41 AM

I had a ton of sleepovers as a kid - one of them at a friends house whose father was later discovered to have molested my friend and her sister. I was so young that sometimes I wonder if he ever touched me? So while I may be accused of being a helicopter parent I would much rather that than ever take that chance with my child. As for not sleeping away until college?? My child is welcome to sleep at my parents and his cousins. Also, I would like to point out that even as early as my mom’s generation they didn’t do sleepovers as that generation turned out just fine.

Alison September 3, 2009, 7:48 AM

This is pathetic. Why do you let her spend time with her friends at all? I mean, God forbid they make a bad judgement call. Here’s a reality check: your kid is never going to know how to deal with life if you lock them away.

Lacey September 3, 2009, 7:51 AM

I had more sleepovers then I can count. Sleepovers are a tween/teens right of passage! Yes, we stayed up most of the night, but we were watching “Bring it On” and “Halloween”, not being out of control. We said and planned that we were going to do all that stuff, but never did. I think that parents need to ease up their eagle eye, when it come to always wanted to control your children’s lives.

jamie September 3, 2009, 7:59 AM

“My child is welcome to sleep at my parents and his cousins” I hear the chopper blades already. So much for normal socialization “Yes, you can have sleepovers, but only your grandparents and cousins.” That will be fun for them.

HeeHee September 3, 2009, 8:13 AM

If you picked her up at 10PM, that’s not a sleepover. You sound like a helicopter mom to me.

One Less Reader September 3, 2009, 8:23 AM

I feel bad for your sheltered babied children. Let me guess, they are the same kids tha have to wear FULL body armor to rid their bikes. Or is it that you never got invited to a sleepover, or maybe you did, you just got picked on? Your rationalization is a joke and there is obviously more to it.
Mom logic, mor like BS logic. Keep sheltering them, they will be the ones in prison, homeless, jobless, or disfunctional all because they wont know what to do when posed with a REAL issue. Keep taking you crap childhood out on your kids, SMART.
You lost a reader here that is for sure. You have no right using the word logic in your title.

LLW September 3, 2009, 9:59 AM

If you are going to make a “no sleepover” ban - then stick to it! It is humiliating for your daughter to be the only one picked up at 10pm. Have you thought of having her friends over to your place? Have you reached out to the paents hosting the party?Advice: LIGHTEN UP!

HMM September 3, 2009, 10:02 AM

Wow, lots of judgment here. How about letting people parent their children the way they see fit? I seriously doubt you would accept someone telling ~you~ that you were doing it wrong. Your “rights of passage” may not be your neighbors…does that make them wrong? Or right? Lighten up people, judge not…

HMM September 3, 2009, 10:10 AM

Hey one less reader…

Did you know:

“Momlogic is an ever-changing snapshot of everything Moms care about today. It’s produced by Telepictures, the division of Warner Bros. that created The Ellen DeGeneres Show, The Tyra Banks Show, Extra, and TMZ on TV.”

Amanda is a member of Momlogic not the creator.

Wyndham September 3, 2009, 12:57 PM

That’s crazy. Coming from a 20 year old..think about it. My grandparents used to walk MILES to school. Kids used to be outside from the minute they got home until it was dinner time, and then again until it was dark. I have 4 younger siblings and despite the fact that society has changed, they’re allowed to have sleepovers and those began as early as being toddlers. Theres this selection of parents today who are soo extremely over protective that their children will never know what to do. Better yet, when it comes time for them to be out on their own they are going to go absolutely nuts. Why not have a sleepover at your house? That way you can monitor what they do, sit there with them until they go to bed? Your daughter needs to get out though..she can’t be sheltered forever.

Mic September 3, 2009, 1:30 PM

I think no sleepovers is ridiculous. It is each parents decision & I have met parents like that. My son has sleepovers ALL THE TIME, & goes to them. I HAVE to know the parents for this to happen, & the older he gets the more “lax I will get. I always went to sleepovers as a kid, & the worst we did was TP-I think we did it twice. I KNOW my kid goes TP’ing & does crank calls, as a matter of fact, he is freaking hilarious! He gets me & dad lol, as well as his best friends parents. As hard as it is to be a normal child these days you need to pick & choose your battles. Of course I would not let my 5 yr old daughter go to a sleepover that wasn’t at her cousins, but when she is older, I will let her, but it will be a case by case issue. I will be very apprehensive about older brothers due to something that happened to her when she was where she was supposed to be!!

ame i. September 3, 2009, 4:59 PM

I’m 41. When I was a child, if my parents didn’t know the parents of the host, I was allowed to visit but not allowed to spend the night.
The same goes for my daughters. In the case of one of my 11 year old daughter’s friends, I know too much about this child’s mother to allow my child to stay with them again. This mom has 4 children by 3 different men. She & her children live with her parents b/c she cheated on her last husband. Once,both of my daughters were sleeping over with them & the mom left her 4 kids and my 2 kids in the care of her mom so she could spend the night partying 2 hours away. The last time my older daughter stayed with them,she called me the next morning wanting me to pick her up b/c all of the adults were at work and her friend was trying to talk my daughter into changing the diaper of of the friend’s 1 year old sister. Sorry, 2 11 year olds should not be in charge of 3 younger children.

Jennifer September 3, 2009, 8:13 PM

Well, a hot topic I see! I allow sleepovers, but rarely. Sleepovers are earned, and I need to know the family. More importantly, I have to see their friend as a good influence. My daughter has one friend that talks nasty to boys, and sneaks in the parents liqour cabinet. She cant go there, but if Im up to it, I allow her to sleep over my house. I have to be wel rested for this, because this friend I must check on periodically. I love the girl but have to watch her. Her newest friend is great. I worry a bit because she has a brother my daughters age. So, sleepoevers dont happen often their either. I was joking with her and told her to take a picture and send it to me so I can see what they were up to… midnight and a summer break weekday… She sends me a picture of her and her friend thumbs up with an ipen phone book… Their is proper time to prank call people. People have to work the next day… Dont call a stranger so late. I told her shut the phonebook and prank call people she knows at a decent hour. So, as you see it. Im a ninny but I let lose when needed.

Cheryl September 4, 2009, 5:36 AM

I was not allowed to have sleepovers, or go to them as a kid. I was allowed to ride my bike all over, play with other kids, and all the other regular kid stuff. As a kid I hated it, but when I went to college, all the girls that I dormed with had some story of being touched by someone at a sleepover.My daughters will not go to sleepovers either.

jnk September 4, 2009, 8:00 AM

One of my greatest fears is that my daughter will be either abducted or molested - there are a lot of sickos out there, and you don’t always know who they are. But, another one of my dears is sheltering my daughter. As parents, we need to do everything we can to keep our children out of harm’s way, but this needs to happen through education, not “bans.” I am assuming a parent who will ban sleepovers will also only teach abstinence or shelter their child from sex altogether. We can’t keep our kids in bubble wrap all their lives, so why not teach them what is and is not appropriate at a sleepover, and some excuses to get out of a situation they are not comfortable with? Like a tween version of going to a party and carrying around an empty beer can? My daughter is being raised to make good decisions - not to be a naiive and sheltered follower.

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