Leslie Adler: I write to you from my hospital bed.
Apparently, I almost overdosed on Jon and Kate.
I tuned in to the "Today Show" this morning and saw Kate crying about 200 grand, or about spilled milk ... I don't know, it all started to get fuzzy ... then Meredith Vieira said Kate was kind enough to stay around and would be returning within the hour to talk some more, and that was when I blacked out.
This wasn't a total surprise. My allergy to Jon and Kate began months ago. First, my eyes would itch when I heard their names. Then, I began to get hives when I spotted them in a magazine. Next, my throat would start to close when I saw reports of them on entertainment news shows. Individual appearances on "Larry King" and other live talk shows sent me over the edge.
I tried avoiding them -- but they're freakin' everywhere!! I almost miss Brangelina and Jennifer. Give me the Olsen twins or Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson. Hell, I'll take Octomom and a first-round draft pick.
BUT I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER MINUTE OF JON AND KATE -- and I offer my most sincere apologies in advance to the "Plus 8." They deserve better ... parents, that is, who put their interests first.
Doctors say I will be fine. They have restricted me to Bravo and ESPN, and are pumping me with fluids like Absolut and Cabernet. When I am feeling better, they say, we will slowly re-introduce me to ... I can't say their names ... but I will have to begin to develop resistance, as they are not going away anytime soon. I hear TLC is now developing their own versions of "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette": "Jon and Kate Plus 8 on Dates," where suitors take each of them and the kids out and try to win a part on the show.
Hopefully, after I recover, I will be able to assist others in their Jon and Kate Rehab.
Let me know if you're allergic too.
|Leslie Adler mother, lawyer and creator of the Vuv Club shares her witty thoughts on the many roles women play in their everyday lives. Leslie also combines her legal skills and friendship experience as presiding judge of Momlogic's "The Friendship Court."|