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Jon and Kate Rehab

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Leslie Adler: I write to you from my hospital bed.

jon and kate gosselin mad

Apparently, I almost overdosed on Jon and Kate.

It's true.

I tuned in to the "Today Show" this morning and saw Kate crying about 200 grand, or about spilled milk ... I don't know, it all started to get fuzzy ... then Meredith Vieira said Kate was kind enough to stay around and would be returning within the hour to talk some more, and that was when I blacked out.

This wasn't a total surprise. My allergy to Jon and Kate began months ago. First, my eyes would itch when I heard their names. Then, I began to get hives when I spotted them in a magazine. Next, my throat would start to close when I saw reports of them on entertainment news shows. Individual appearances on "Larry King" and other live talk shows sent me over the edge.

I tried avoiding them -- but they're freakin' everywhere!! I almost miss Brangelina and Jennifer. Give me the Olsen twins or Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson. Hell, I'll take Octomom and a first-round draft pick.

BUT I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER MINUTE OF JON AND KATE -- and I offer my most sincere apologies in advance to the "Plus 8." They deserve better ... parents, that is, who put their interests first.

Doctors say I will be fine. They have restricted me to Bravo and ESPN, and are pumping me with fluids like Absolut and Cabernet. When I am feeling better, they say, we will slowly re-introduce me to ... I can't say their names ... but I will have to begin to develop resistance, as they are not going away anytime soon. I hear TLC is now developing their own versions of "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette": "Jon and Kate Plus 8 on Dates," where suitors take each of them and the kids out and try to win a part on the show.

Hopefully, after I recover, I will be able to assist others in their Jon and Kate Rehab.

Let me know if you're allergic too.

next: This Pacifier Totally "Sucks"
11 comments so far | Post a comment now
Rachelle October 8, 2009, 10:47 AM

Hillarious!! Sign me up, I’m ready for some rehabilitation!

Marge October 8, 2009, 11:03 AM

Look in the bed next to you….’cause there I am. Pour me some of that cabernet.

Maria Loi October 8, 2009, 11:16 AM

The two of them are not doing any good for their children.
They should settle their differences for the sake of the children.
Kate wants her ways now, Jon is not going along and that is trouble for the kids.
I hope everything will turn out better for them if they are willing to get along somehow and stop going to the media.
Jon is very stupid, thinking that the public will help him We have very shallow memories and we actually are not helping out, so, Jon you have to settle things with Kate the private way!

Just Sayin' October 8, 2009, 11:17 AM

You just made my day!
Thanks for the laugh.
Jon and Kate Plus 8 on Dates!!

My2sense October 8, 2009, 12:18 PM

Jon gives me hives. Where do I sign up for rehab?

Anonymous October 8, 2009, 12:21 PM

can we move on please there has to be something better than them!!!!!!!

chris October 8, 2009, 12:45 PM

I asked yesterday on one of the many other posting about them that we PLEASE stop talking and/or writing about them. Please make this YOUR last post about them. MOMLOGIC - PLEASE DON’T ACCEPT ANOTHER POST ABOUT THIS COUPLE. SOMEONE NEEDS TO STAND UP AND SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Anonymous October 8, 2009, 6:06 PM

They’re like a train wreck. You don’t want to look, but you just can’t help yourself. They’re a diaster.

Elizabeth S. October 14, 2009, 5:45 AM

Everybody should stop watching them. When TLC sees that people are completely fed up and their ratings have bottomed out they’ll get the message and cancel the show (remember, that’s the way T.V. works). I am also fed up with everybody always putting the blame on Jon, Kate is as much to blame as he is.

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