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Just a Guy Talking about Women's (Sex) Parts

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My recent blog about women's bleeding provoked a comment that inspired this blog.

man confused about sex

Bruce Sallan: Another dirty little secret about men, but one that I'm sure is less a secret, is how lame, naïve, and uneducated we can be about how women's sexual parts work. And what WE have to do to take care of them.

When I began having sex, no woman took the time to tell me what I was doing right or wrong. As a fumbling teen, I groped around a bit, made out some (does anyone say "make out" anymore?), and went for it pretty much as soon as I could or was allowed.

I really believed my efforts were so incredible that there was no doubt my partner was lying back in heavenly bliss, versus the more likely reality of "Is that all there is?" But talking about sex between men and women, or more appropriately for that time, boys and girls, just was too darn awkward and we didn't. The idea of actually expressing what we liked and didn't like was impossible.

I won't say how long it took till I finally "got it," but it was way too long, especially when I finally learned "the truth."

Lesson: C'mon, men and women, boys and girls, talk to each other. One difference to remember is that men's parts stick out there, literally and figuratively, so there's little question about how it looks, what it's doing, and when it's happy. But, what do I know? I'm just a guy (with a thing).

next: Drive a Hard Bargain
9 comments so far | Post a comment now
denise October 15, 2009, 8:43 AM

I just love your blogs and your candor. I’m still laughing at this one.

Meg October 15, 2009, 10:44 AM

HAHAHA! I totally agree with you. I think people should speak up in the bedroom, but unfortunately a lot of people don’t. Maybe they are too shy, maybe they are worried of hurting their partners feelings, or maybe they don’t really know what they like.

There’s sex and then there’s intimacy. I think for a lot of people they are more comfortable with the act of sex. When you open up and talk about wants and needs, it adds vulnerability into the mix because you cross over into the intimacy zone and I think that makes some people uncomfortable.

But hey what do I know I speak up! HAHA!

Arnie  October 15, 2009, 8:38 PM

oh dad. Ackwardddd

sherry October 16, 2009, 4:43 PM

C’mon; it’s no secret. My guy now knows EXACTLY what I like!

Kirsten Wildman October 19, 2009, 9:42 AM

In this dept. being vocal always works best.

Lisa October 19, 2009, 6:14 PM

Love reading your blogs, this one made me laugh, so Thanks!

Jeff October 21, 2009, 11:55 AM

I’m still trying to figure things out. Thank G*d for Maxim and Penthouse.

b October 26, 2009, 9:46 AM

seriously, if you’re not mature enough to have this kind of conversation, or if you can’t have this kind of conversation with the person with whom you have sex, perhaps that’s a sign that you shouldn’t be having sex. when did sex and intimacy become mutually exclusive? oh wait, when it lost all sense of sacredness. my bad. I forgot. what a shame.

Anonymous January 9, 2010, 9:53 AM

speaking up in the bedroom helps only if your partner listens and responds

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