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Keep Your Kids Out of My Neighborhood!

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Please ... don't come knocking on my door for a treat this Halloween. Enough with this waste of a holiday.

childless bitch hating trick or treaters

Childless Bitch: I don't get Halloween: Are you seriously spending money on decorating your house and yard with crap like oversized spiders and noises coming from the door? The neighborhood looks like a total mess. I thought I'd be relieved of it this year, given the fact that we are in a recession. Apparently, most of you still think spending $25 on a cheap, slutty costume for your 10-year-old is money well spent. It ain't. And what's more ...

• Tossing eggs at ongoing cars is NOT funny -- it is dangerous. Plus, I couldn't get that crap off my windshield for like a year. Disgusting.

• As if there aren't enough kids in my neighborhood, do they have to bring in a whole van full of more kids?! What, they don't have candy where you live?

• If the lights are off at my house, that is a sign that I am either not home ... or I do not want to open the door (probably the latter). So stop peeking through the windows -- there is no candy here, trust me.

• Why would you encourage your kids to go around the neighborhood and collect a pillowcase (that's a whole other thing ... the pillowcase -- what, because it's bigger than any bag? OMG!) full of candy, when they're already overweight (and hyper) enough?!

• If for some reason I accidentally open the door (to take out the garbage, for example), just so you know, ONLY wearing a mask doesn't count. And those homemade costume thingies? No. Get a real one.

• Halloween happens on October 31st only, OK? You don't have to dress up the entire week beforehand. It's bad enough I have had to brave the supermarket looking at oversized bags of candy for an entire month! Pfft ... it takes forever to get to the healthy foods.

• If after five minutes no one has come to the door -- STOP KNOCKING! I am trying to watch "Friday Night Lights" in peace!

• Dressing up at the office? I'm not even going to address this one. You look like a total tool. Did someone say something about an "office parade"? I'd rather have a root canal.

• Ummm ... trick-or-treating is for children. Parents, leave your bags (pillowcases) at home -- you look desperate.

• It's 8 PM ... do you know where your teenage kids are? If they are not home, they're probably TP'ing someone's house. Hasn't Halloween been enough of an environmental waste already?

• Please spare me from having to look at pictures of your kids in their costumes. No, they are not cuuuuuute. OK?!

next: Why You Should Let Your Kids Sleep In on Weekends
26 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous October 30, 2009, 9:40 AM

BLAH! this was boring and predictable.

chris October 30, 2009, 2:08 PM

I wish I knew where you lived…I would LOVE to egg you!!!

Chrissy October 30, 2009, 11:54 PM

I bet Childless B*tch is a B*tch BECAUSE she’s childless. No one to TAKE trick or treating. No one MAKE a costume for. No one to SHOW OFF pictures of.
Because no rational person would hate Halloween this much.
Some may find it annoying but this post was way over reacting.

Jessie November 3, 2009, 8:32 PM

I admit this wasn’t CB’s most interesting blog, normally there is a lot more fun poking to get a reaction. But i do agree that if she turns off her porch light then people shouldn’t go up to her door. But most importantly people shouldn’t be allowing their kids on to her front lawn.

Does it make me the same in your eyes that i don’t want kids messing up my front garden and annoying me at night?

Mandy March 18, 2010, 11:59 PM

OMG. You are insane. you must have had one AWFUL childhood. Turn off your porchlight and go to one of your Halloween Parties and for 2 hours during the early evening, let my child be a child!

Some of your other stuff is annoying, but might have merit… This one however crosses the line. What IS ok for children? Please, write an article on what YOU would like my chil to harmlessly enjoy that won’t get in the way of your ‘life’, though miserable as it must be.

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