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Stay-at-Home Moms vs. Working Moms

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jessica gottlieb

Yesterday, Dr. Phil featured a stay-at-home mom, Jessica Gottlieb (pictured), who said that if a woman can't stay at home with her kids, then maybe she just shouldn't have them. She also said: "I wouldn't outsource loving my husband, why would I outsource loving my kids?"

Now, she was sure to clarify that her comments weren't directed at the moms that HAVE to work, only at the moms that CHOOSE to work and, as she put it, "put on their pantyhose and hang out with their girlfriends."

Either way, the whole stay-at-home mom versus working mom battle simply tires us out. Why can't we all just get along?

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45 comments so far | Post a comment now
chris October 15, 2009, 2:32 PM

Well if this subject “tires” you out, why write out it? I’m chosing NOT to say if I work or if I am a sahm. I don’t feel the need to defend my choice to anyone and no one else should feel the need to do so either.

Lovina Worick October 15, 2009, 3:51 PM

I didn’t watch the show so I’m only going off this article’s quotes on Ms. Gottlieb’s comments. Those are strange comments. I do not believe that a mom who works cannot or does not do a better parenting job than one who doesn’t. Being at home doesn’t make you a better mother.

There’s a lot more to a mommy’s quality of ‘mommy-ness’ than whether she works or not. And much more we should be focusing on…not whether she works or not.

Whatever October 15, 2009, 4:45 PM

Jessica Gottleib is a self-loathing, judgemental person. Not a great combination, even worse when she proves time and time again to be unlikable and truly ignorant.

Duke October 15, 2009, 4:57 PM

Wow, those are some dumb comments made by Jessica Gottlieb. Being a stay at home mom doesn’t automatically make you a good mom.

Laurie October 15, 2009, 5:00 PM

I think that whatever works for you and your family is whats best for the child. It does not have to do with love. I love my husband, but would not want to be around him 24/7.

littlepeapie October 15, 2009, 5:07 PM

The bottom line is not everyone is cut out to be the CEO of a corporation and not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM. Some have the choice, some don’t…and we should support each others decisions, not judge them….a good mommy is a mommy who is making decisions about working or not working with her kids best interests at heart.

Jenny October 15, 2009, 5:09 PM

I am a stay at home mom, this is a better choice for me and my daughter but I do not think it is the right choice for every mother. At home I play games with my daughter, we bake together and we learn things together, take day trips to the library etc. There are many moms who would go nuts staying at home and would probably be too harsh on their children or resent the child, in those cases putting them with adults that want to play and educate them could be the best thing they could do for their kids.

I love my daughter dearly but there are days I would kill for some adult conversation, if I truly didn’t want to be at home with her then it would be a bad situation for her and me.

a thorn among roses October 15, 2009, 5:15 PM

i watched in awe…jessica was a little too far in one direction! i have played both sides, actually all 3 since i telecommuted for 8 years as well.

here’s what i think…parenting isn’t an issue of the time you spend in your home with your kiddos, it’s the sincere and valued time you give each other that makes parenting good. i have teens down to toddlers and being at home after school is awesome and invaluable…anyway, moderation, jessica…moderation.

Anonymous October 15, 2009, 7:20 PM

I hope Jessica’s husband never leaves her or dies. Then she have to put on her panyhose and hang out with her friends. What a beotch!

True Mom October 16, 2009, 3:23 AM

I was a corproate marketing director for a fortune 500 in 1990. I got pregnant in 1991 and my husband and I never looked back. I quit the day I found out. While it was the BEST and ONLY choice for me, it is not always an option. I am certain that alot of mom’s who work wish they had the luxury of not having to, and I REALLY wish that when those moms who work find out that you are a SAHM, they don’t assume that we have it so easy, are uneducated,or lazy and that we do nothing all day but go to the Starbucks and the park.

PlumbLucky October 16, 2009, 5:27 AM

She should do her research - there was an interesting article in the Washington Post recently about census data on SAHMs…that says the trend isn’t so much “opting out” but “didn’t have the choice to go back to work due to lack of opportunity/education”

Judging others based upon your choices is really quite pitiful. Your choices have to work for you and your family, nobody else. And to say that she isn’t “judging those who don’t have a choice” really means that she’s judging those who work because they made a different choice than she made, which I suppose she’s permitted to do.

PlumbLucky October 16, 2009, 5:29 AM

A question just occured to me: Does JG advocate spending buckoo bucks on higher education for yourself so that you can find a husband and then stay home? Because realistically, most women that I know, if they could financially stay home, it would be career suicide. That certainly seems straight out of the early 50s…or at least, the pop culture version thereof.

anon October 16, 2009, 6:29 AM

Clearly she does not mind outsourcing her intelligence and sensitivity

The greatest gift we can give our children and ourselves is peace within our home. Peace within the home starts with peace within ourselves. We experience peace within ourselves when we make choices for the “right” reasons. By “right” reasons, I mean taking into consideration our children, our spouse, our finances, etc., but also taking into consideration our own needs/desires/personality/stage we are in/intuition on the choice. It’s also important to remember that it is not as black and white as to whether one day you have a child and your only choice is to become a working mom or SAHM. There are many variations in-between and there are also different stages when you may make different choices. There are studies and statistics from both “sides” about what is best for the children. However, I suggest you set the outside experts aside and instead embrace your own inner expert who knows what is the “right” choice for you and your family at that point in time. And if you don’t know what the right choice is for you, get support in making the decision that will bring you the greatest inner peace.

Bradi October 16, 2009, 1:15 PM

Here we go again… I have lived on both sides of the grass is always greener cliche. You know it is possible to do both? One can stay home with the kids and work. There are some entrepreneurial ventures and direct selling jobs that do offer this freedom.

Ultimately a mom should do what’s best for her and for her family. As women, not only moms, we often desire independence and financial security. And, while our children might mean the world to us, it is important to teach them they are not the entire world.

Must we continue to judge?

Jamie Lentzner October 16, 2009, 4:55 PM

I was there at the Dr. Phil Show (a guest actually even though I did not speak much) I was the one in Teal that came right after Jessica (who I do know). I was floored that this was the topic, I was under the impression I would be discussing more about helping Moms go back to work, and what I did (started a business, worked inside home - worked while they are in school). It was a really crazy experience…like I said I did not say much but my eye rolling and facial twitches did. ;)

Ave October 19, 2009, 6:28 PM

Im a SAHM and I love the fact that I can be there for my kids all of the time! But Im only doing it for my kids because I can.
Im very jealous of the woman that have the strength to leave their kids to go to work! If I could find someone that I could trust 100% without a doubt, I would work too! Im losing who I was before I had kids and that is my sacrific.

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