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10 Signs Your Husband Is Cheating

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You may think you know how to detect your cheating man, but even I missed the signs.

man whispering into telephone

Flying Solo with Two Carry-Ons: I always thought I was smart. Not that I was necessarily so street smart, but after working for 15 years as a journalist, I did feel that I had a very good reporter's instinct. And, well, everyone always talks about women's intuition.

So imagine my surprise when, after more than seven years of marriage, I discovered that my husband was cheating on me, and ... that he had probably been doing it since the very beginning.

Clearly, I missed the top 10 signs that my husband was cheating on me.

10. When your best friend tells you over and over and over again that she suspects your husband is cheating.

9. When your husband complains that he is too tired to have sex.

8. When your husband calls you up at 2 AM telling you he is too drunk to drive home and doesn't want to spend $100 on a cab. So instead, he goes and spends $800 on a swanky Beverly Hills hotel. (Keep in mind ... he has never taken me there.)

7. When you just gave birth to your first child via C-section and your husband tells you he "has to work." (Even the nurse picked up on this one. In my defense, I was postpartum.)

6. When your husband goes out of town for work and tells you that if you call his hotel room and "enter name of girl here" answers, it's because he switched rooms with her since hers was better.

5. When your husband tells you he wants to do his own laundry. (I thought he was just being nice because I was so busy with the house and kids. My lawyer explained otherwise.)

4. You buy a new dinette set and your husband suddenly tells you the smell of the wood will give him an asthma attack. Instead of returning it, he gifts it to a "friend" who just happens to be a girl.

3. When your husband comes home at 3:30 AM and tells you he was working hard writing at the university library. Only problem is ... it closed at 5 PM.

2. When you question your husband about the STD test you discovered he took -- and he tells you it's because he was worried that he contracted something from a public bathroom.

1. When your husband posts on his Facebook page that he is engaged to some chick named Stacey.

Sad to say ... these are all true.



50 comments so far | Post a comment now
Marie November 17, 2009, 11:24 AM

I feel bad for these ladies who husbands cheats. But i also say that sometimes it’s their fault. I,m a single woman and i was unknowly involved with a married man for a year. We were togehter almost everyday. When he was off from work, we were together. He slept over on his off days for a whole year. He took me on two vacations and over night trips. He took me out in public all the time. He took me around his family and friends. When i finally found out he was married i was devastated. I couldn,t see how a marry man could send that much time away from home. And yes i did call his wife. She said she didn,t care as long as he took care of home. I broke it off even though i was very much in love with him.

DBrandon November 17, 2009, 11:39 AM

Don’t you females understand men cheat because you let us cheat. I’m not saying its right but stand up to your man, know what your man is doing, ask question, etc. And by the way, not all men cheat! I know of and heard of heard plenty of times where men were deeply in love and faithful to there wives and they be out doing scandalous activties…

XHIA November 17, 2009, 12:25 PM

THE EX WAS CHEATING W/ A CO-WORKER THAT HIS FREINDS INTRODUCED HIM TO. SHE WASN’T EVEN DIVORCED YET FROM HER HUSBAND. NOW, THEY ARE MARREID W/2 LITTLE KIDS. HE IS 43 W/3 KIDS. OUR SON IS 7. OUR SON DOES OT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THEM. HIS FATHER FOR SOME REASON WANTS TO BE (MY) FREIND & DOESN’T THINK I SHOULD MARRY?

HEY GOOD RIDDINS! LET THAT NEXT FOOL DEAL W/THEM. THE GRASS ISN’T ALWAYS GREENER.

LOVE IS A POWERFUL WORD BUT IT HAS TO HAVE POWERFUL FEELINGS BEHIND IT.

TO THE WRITER: SOMETIMES GOOD THINGS FALL APART, SO THAT BETTER THINGS CAN FALL TOGETHER.

Wendy Rose November 17, 2009, 12:54 PM

“Go home to your wife, work on making her happy.” Those were the words I spoke to a gentleman outside of a bar in Houston just recently at 2 o’clock in the morning. He looked at me as if I had three heads and his response was, “you really know how to get rid of a brother huh?” I smiled and walked to my car as if he never existed; I have taken that walk a thousand times.

Here is the truth, single does not equal desperate; this is a flawed equation. Yes, I am aware of the many women who have found themselves entangled in a torrid love affair with someone else’s husband; I dare not judge them, I am just not one of them. Maybe my outlook on life is different because I have been what a lot of women have not been; a wife. In a nutshell, I don’t want you, you belong to another woman. I don’t want hear about how you are staying for the kids, and how you haven’t had sex with your wife in 6 months, and how she nags you and doesn’t listen to you and puts you down; that’s your problem. I am not interested in anything pertaining to why you are in my face trying to buy me a drink and come back to my place at two in the morning. Didn’t you stand in front of witnesses and take vows that went like “forsaking all others” or something like that? Why aren’t you at home?

I don’t want it to be my number in your phone that raises the suspicion of your wife. I don’t want it to be my text message or sexy picture that she finds in your phone that makes her feel insecure. I don’t want it to be my voice on a message that she hears telling her husband goodnight. I don’t want to be the woman that she calls sitting on the other end of the phone protecting you. I don’t want the words “if you were doing your job at home, he would not need me” to ever leave my lips in the face of another woman. I don’t want to be your “friend.” If we are going to be friends, let’s be real friends. Introduce me to your wife, give me the home telephone number, and let us connect so that she will feel comfortable around me when you invite me to the family barbeque. I would love to be friends. But you don’t want to do that do you? You want to be the other kind of “friends.”

Let me see if I can breakdown the kind of friendship that you want. You want to give me your cell phone number; you want to put me under “Jeff” in your contacts. You want to call me, text me and sex me and even spend your household money taking me for drinks to tell me about your terrible marriage. You want to tell me all the things that your wife does not do; like have sex. You poor thing, she hasn’t touched you in months and you are really just being a man because you know you need to be there for the kids, so you can’t leave her. She has probably gained a little weight because she has put herself second and the needs of you and your kids first. But you really haven’t noticed that because you are sitting up at a bar with me at 2 o’clock in the morning, and I have no idea who you really are. I don’t know what its like to live with you, pick up your drawls off the floor and wipe the pee from around the toilet seat. I don’t have to listen to you snore and fart simultaneously and watch the drool come out of your mouth. I am not at home with your kids by myself while you are out kicking it with the fellas showing up at my house at 3a.m. expecting me NOT to be angry. Then when your wife goes off on you, you want to run to me to make all better; to make you feel like a man. You need your ego stroked; you need to be told that you are a great warrior and that your wife is stupid for treating you this way. The reason that I would know exactly what you needed is because instead of telling your wife you told me! I know everything! Because of our friendship I know exactly what you want, what you need, how you feel and most importantly, I know what to do! I don’t have this knowledge because I am a love Goddess, I have this knowledge because I have become your student, and instead of imparting your knowledge on your wife to make you marriage better, you gave it to me and I was able to undermine her. You gave me the power to infiltrate your marriage and make you think that the grass in greener on the other side! It’s a simple game, and women play it everyday; I don’t want to play. If you are not happy at home, seek counseling, guidance and other avenues to better communication; don’t seek me.


I don’t want to stand in judgment of the woman who wants to date a married man; it’s just something that I don’t want for my own life. No one can ever say what they would never do, but as women we are in full control of our choices. The first question that you should be asking is “are you married?” Men don’t really lie about this anymore because they think they are a commodity and too many us have allowed them to be trifling. When a man is married, he is off limits and this is a conscious choice that we are allowed to make, women we have ALL of the power; whether you have been a wife or not, you can understand this concept. Men we love you, but go home to your wife, work on making her happy.


WendyRose

Smarterthanyou November 17, 2009, 1:06 PM

Dude. When you look in the dictionary under gullible, MY name is there. But even I would have clicked on most of these signs. HELLO??? You’re a journalist?

I clicked in to this article thinking it would reveal some truly unusual trickery … but like most of the overblown crap I’ve been reading here lately, it’s … well, CRAP!

What was the final thing that revealed it to you … walking in on the sex act?

Ana November 17, 2009, 1:35 PM

Wow sweetie… these are pretty bad. Sorry it happened to you. I’ve been through this one myself, so I know it feels. Not a good one. Wish you the best in your future relationships ;-)

Bethany Sweden November 17, 2009, 1:38 PM

way to channel your energy into an article that will hopefully help other women. you go girl!

Kathy November 17, 2009, 2:53 PM

Yes, those are definitely signs. I’m so sorry it was many years before you saw them. I hope you are happy in your life where you are now.

Anonymous November 17, 2009, 3:07 PM

I agree with everyone’s comments. I had a husband that is supposed to be a minister (Man of God), and all he did was cheat! He thinks every woman wants him because he is a minister and thinks that he can do whatever he wants to do and not be approached about it. I found that ministers are the worst ones and they think that they are kings and women are supposed to bow down to them. He even had a problem with porn and other sexual addiction issues, but refuse to admit it. What??????? He needs help along with the rest of them and they are never satified, even if they have a good wife or not.

Russ November 17, 2009, 4:11 PM

Second thoughts.
1st, I have been married to my wife for over 24 years and we have both been faithful.
That said, when I would conduct workshops and… I would hear many sides of this issue.
I condemn adultery.
Yet, I heard from men and women how their spouse stopped being their lover, both physically and emotionally. Spouses need to remember that their husband/ wife married ‘them’, not their ‘best friend’. That a spouse is supposed to be both a lover and friend. Not just on eof those. And I have seen that when couples act upon that advice, there is rarely any infidelity.

Russ

Rosanne  November 17, 2009, 6:45 PM

Good riddance! You must be so happy to get rid of that pathetic loser and sympathy for the next woman who winds up with him. You must be the most trusting person on earth not to see the signs he left. Make it clear to the next guy that he’s history if it happens even once.

Stephanie November 17, 2009, 10:38 PM

I thought I was going to be reading some valuable information but this article was a complete waste of my time. Girl you wasted seven years of your life on a man that probably had cheater stamped on his forehead!

Renee November 18, 2009, 12:12 AM

ummm are you just ignorant or what? I think the first sign would have been enough. Maybe you should know your man and his “ideas” about a relationship first……..maybe that is why I have been single for 12 yrs. Not giving into this BS. #1 DONE!

Anonymous November 18, 2009, 12:58 AM

why dont you let go and let god send you a newman like your very owne yes man um’take care of yourself & may god bless you!

Toy November 18, 2009, 6:07 AM

Well, with me the guy told me he was not with her. I really like him so what i thought that he was saying was true…..Not he lied. all this time we were having sex going on like normal couples do. when it all came to the light that hew was really married and had two youngs kids. I found out who the wife was and i told her everything. He couldnt lie because I had emails, texts, pictures! in the long run, she left him! Plus he was in the military!

Cynthia November 18, 2009, 9:43 AM

Wow, the signs were ALL there, LOL!!!!! And, to me, he didn’t even sound in love with you anymore—gifting your new dinette set to another girl. That is downright disrespectful and trifling!!! It’s like he was trying to tell you without telling you. Well, good riddance to him. He better watch out, Stacey may give him a dose of his own medicine, lol

SoonToBeMrs.McLin November 18, 2009, 12:21 PM

That’s why we need to seek Christ for direction and make sure we’re marrying the right person!
God bless!

miss sheree November 18, 2009, 5:17 PM

Honey, I am so sorry you were so clueless. Any of these “signs” would have made me do some serious investigation - like hop on a plane and go to surprise him on his business trip…

Anyway - all men don’t cheat - I have met several who do not…so don’t give up hope to find a good one who can be faithful.

Pat Williams November 19, 2009, 6:00 AM

Imagine my shock to discover some one else who had to leave the hospital early because of a business meeting post c-section. If that weren’t bad enough, I had to leave my newborn in ICU to come home and take care of an 18 month old by myself. NO help.

I don’t know for sure whether my husband was cheating or not and quite frankly - I don’t care because I’m divorcing him anyway. In retrospect there were lots of signs he was. I am an intelligent woman who always thought I would KNOW. The reason we don’t is because we’re busy and the signs come one by one over a long period of time - not so easy to see the trail when you’re in the middle of the woods. Add that to the belief that we’re supposed to trust our partners. Don’t judge, people in this position typically spend enough time kicking themselves anyway. I know I did.

Tiffany November 19, 2009, 6:24 AM

Wow…that is just crazy in a sad and very delusional way. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being cheated on very young my first real BF cheated w/ my BFF.

Jack Nicholson’s infamous line from “A Few Good Men” comes to mind. “You can’t handle the truth” and so we sometimes escape into an unrealistic world.

It’s easier to pretend that you are not sure what is going on, than facing the ugly truth that your mate has been unfaithful. Knowing the truth requires action and for some they don’t want to act. They’d prefer to just suffer in silence.

You don’t always have to have “proof” to know what is going on.


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