Who would subject themselves to a potentially violent shopping experience to save a couple bucks on a toaster? Idiots.
Momlogic's Momstrosity: Before the last bit of Thanksgiving gorging has been digested and firmly implanted as cellulite on our thighs, millions will head out to the stores to perform another gluttonous American ritual: Black Friday.
As retailers whip the public into a shopping frenzy, might we step back and remember:
A) We're in a recession.
B) Most of us don't need anything. On the contrary, people could stand to get RID of some sh*t -- myself included.
Oh, and let's not forget this bit of Black Friday trivia: last year, at a Long Island Wal-Mart in an early-morning stampede of ravenous shoppers, a worker was killed and 11 customers were injured. Damn, there must've been some deep cuts -- I mean on the prices, of course.
When did shopping turn into a blood sport? And when did Black Friday -- which sounds ominous enough -- turn into "Doorbusters"?! Think about it. Doorbusters is synonymous with throngs of people pushing through a store entrance to get the best deals on electronics. Why not call it "Fractured Foots" or "Skull Bashers"?
Beyond the safety factor, there's the inconvenience aspect of this buying frenzy. Doors open at 5 AM -- some even at midnight! WTF?! Does that mean you need to start lining up at 11 PM Thursday night to get your hands on a $12 coffee maker? Nope. I foresee a new Thanksgiving tradition: Tailgate! Eat your Thanksgiving dinner IN the parking lot at Wal-Mart!! There's nothing like carving a turkey on asphalt.
If you must jump into the shopping mosh pit, is it worth it financially? That depends. Let's do some math:
Perhaps you are one of the lucky ones to snag a Target $3.00 toaster. A regular one might go for about 25 bucks. That's a savings of about $22 (88% off!). That's nothing to sniff at. But let's check out what you'll have to do to EARN that $22.
1) Get up at the crack of dawn -- possibly rousting your bleary-eyed, pissed-off children out of bed too. "Wake up, kids! Mommy's gonna kick some shopping ASS!"
2) Sit bundled up in blankets on lawn chairs next to a bunch of other families with pissed-off kids.
4) Continue to wait.
5) Doors open! Stand in a throng of impatient/tired/stressed-out people who would sooner kill you than miss out on a deal.
6) Stand in a checkout line.
8) Continue to wait.
9) Come home exhausted. Spend the rest of the day tired and stressed out with your tired and stressed-out kids.
10) Eat toast
OK, let's tally the results:
• Hours spent: 12
• Brain cells destroyed: 500 million
• That's 22,727,272 brain cells per dollar saved
What do you think? Is Black Friday worth it?