twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Halloween Fallout: The Candy Carnage

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

It started with a miniature Mr. Goodbar on Halloween night.

woman with choccolate on her face

Jennifer Ginsberg: I mean, Mr. Goodbar is a nostalgic candy -- it reminds me of my childhood (circa 1983), walking down to 7-11 with my brother Jeff on warm summer nights. How could I resist perfectly roasted peanuts in creamy Hershey's milk chocolate?

Then I moved on to the cute little Krackel in the shiny red wrapper. How many calories can a few of those tiny bars have, right?

Then I tore through the Fun Size Kit Kats, Sour Apple Nerds, and Lemonheads. I love, love, love Lemonheads. Oh yes ... how could I forget about the Hershey's Special Dark, Almond Joy, 3 Musketeers, and Milky Way bars I inhaled in under 30 seconds flat?

No, I am not a stoner (anymore) -- though if I was, at least I would have a good excuse. I am an out-of-control mommy who has ransacked my 4-year-old son's trick-or-treat bag.

After Halloween night, I allow him to have one candy a day, because I want him to be disciplined and learn self-control. I also don't want him to eat tons of refined sugar and rot his teeth out. OK ... enough sanctimonious bullsh*t. I enforce this rule so there is MORE FOR ME!

This is a blatant case of "Do as I say, not as I do," because after he begrudgingly selects his one meager treat, I sneak off to my room, hide in a corner, tear through the bag, and furiously rip open the wrappers with my teeth like a wild animal. I pray that no one walks in on the sugar orgy I am indulging in.

This. Has. Got. To. Stop.

As I write this, I am trying to ignore the pile of wrappers beside me. Reese's F*cking Peanut Butter Cups. Peanut butter is the other man in my life. And who the hell am I to deny that chocolate and peanut butter are two great tastes that taste great together? I will not admit how many I've devoured today because then I would have to face the fact that in the span of five minutes, I consumed my recommended daily allowance of fat grams for the month.

Why is it that the rest of the year I am barely tempted when I walk down the candy aisle, but come Halloween, those Fun Size candies seduce me to the point of reckless abandon? How can I be such a hypocrite by allowing my son only one candy per day while I am consuming my body weight in fat and sugar?

The good news -- there are only a few desperate Now and Laters and Tootsie Rolls left.
Even I, an official Candy Whore, have standards. And I am not yet desperate enough to resort to Tootsie Rolls.

I am seriously considering a Master Cleanse, starting tomorrow! But for now, I could have sworn there was a Mounds bar in the bottom of that bag!



next: Wall Street Gets Swine Flu Vaccine Before Kids
3 comments so far | Post a comment now
Kelly November 5, 2009, 4:11 PM

I laughed the entire time I was reading this post! Thanks for beightening my day!

Heather November 5, 2009, 7:13 PM

I remember those Halloweens of yore, too. We all ate plenty of Three Musketeers (you forgot to mention those!) Reese’s peanut butter cups, etc. Personally, I say replace the treats in Shane’s pumpkin and let him have some more! A little sugar won’t hurt any more than a little peanut butter will. Thanks for the fun piece.

Ming Woo November 5, 2009, 7:15 PM

Very funny stuff…anyone that has kids can relate to this. They say Halloween is for the kids - not true. It’s for the parents who can’t wait to eat all the candy they kids get. That’s our reward for trick or treating with our children. Love this article!


Leave a reply:



(not displayed)

     




Avoid clicking "Post" more than once
Back to top >>
advertisement