As the show wrapped up on Friday, there was a sinking feeling as I headed out the door.
Blythe Newsome: I was taking some much needed mommy time and getting in the car and heading out of town alone for the first time ... and I was afraid. In the past two years, there have been so many challenges. I have kept myself busy, throwing myself into the children, things in the community, work ... motivated by the fear of really feeling the pain from all of this. I have a degree in psychology -- I totally get that denial is not real healthy, and it is what I have been doing.
I don't think of it as denial, but more like self-preservation. But on Friday, it was going to be just me and the open road. It was scary ... I missed my children ... I was afraid of the grief that might wash over me in the quiet. With every mile that I put behind me, I let it inch into my heart. There was one particular stretch of road, just green fields as far as I could see, and I just stopped and cried. For the first time in two years, I did what I needed to do ... I let my heart ache ... for the loss of what I thought life would be. I felt the anguish of that day that I had to leave my home and put the key under the mat for the last time and walk away to start a new life. I cried for what my children had lost, even though my head tells me to look at all the strength we have gained from these experiences. I thought about the day that Nana died, and holding her hand those last few moments. The memories of a marriage and a life that wasn't mine to keep came rushing back.
And then it was out ... I had stopped life long enough to feel the pain and the sadness ... and I felt like I could breathe again. It wasn't magical in the sense that those few tears made everything better ... but for a little while, I didn't have to be a mom, a radio show host, a friend. I didn't have to be strong or put on a good front that I had it all together. On that long stretch of road, in between the green fields, through all the tears, I found myself.
|Blythe Newsome is a single mother of six children and host of a morning radio show. Featured on an episode of the Supernanny, her life and what hides underneath her couch cushions have been seen by many. Flirting with Forty is the journey of how she takes her life back.|