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Hitting the Open Road

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As the show wrapped up on Friday, there was a sinking feeling as I headed out the door.

woman crying

Blythe Newsome: I was taking some much needed mommy time and getting in the car and heading out of town alone for the first time ... and I was afraid. In the past two years, there have been so many challenges. I have kept myself busy, throwing myself into the children, things in the community, work ... motivated by the fear of really feeling the pain from all of this. I have a degree in psychology -- I totally get that denial is not real healthy, and it is what I have been doing.

I don't think of it as denial, but more like self-preservation. But on Friday, it was going to be just me and the open road. It was scary ... I missed my children ... I was afraid of the grief that might wash over me in the quiet. With every mile that I put behind me, I let it inch into my heart. There was one particular stretch of road, just green fields as far as I could see, and I just stopped and cried. For the first time in two years, I did what I needed to do ... I let my heart ache ... for the loss of what I thought life would be. I felt the anguish of that day that I had to leave my home and put the key under the mat for the last time and walk away to start a new life. I cried for what my children had lost, even though my head tells me to look at all the strength we have gained from these experiences. I thought about the day that Nana died, and holding her hand those last few moments. The memories of a marriage and a life that wasn't mine to keep came rushing back.

And then it was out ... I had stopped life long enough to feel the pain and the sadness ... and I felt like I could breathe again. It wasn't magical in the sense that those few tears made everything better ... but for a little while, I didn't have to be a mom, a radio show host, a friend. I didn't have to be strong or put on a good front that I had it all together. On that long stretch of road, in between the green fields, through all the tears, I found myself.

next: At the Car Wash
4 comments so far | Post a comment now
Real Dads Hangout November 15, 2009, 9:35 AM

Facing your emotions is always the remedy. It is the pain felt while getting there that makes it so hard to figure them out. Hopefully this is your new start! Hang in there.

Judy Bradley November 15, 2009, 1:43 PM

So glad you took the time to let the pain out. Sometimes it comes sneaking back in, but once you have faced it, it is easier to get on with life and tell it to take a hike! I raised 10 children alone (Lots of prayer, so not really alone) and we all made it through - happy & healthy! Good luck to you dear!

susiejock November 15, 2009, 5:55 PM

Is it really? I never heard of that. Frustrated by being still single and not finding your soulmate? I know a hot and interesting place named where I have met my boyfriend. You may take a look.

Paul Hunter#19 of 21 November 15, 2009, 8:03 PM

Mrs. Louise Hunter, 75 years old was born in Vicksburg, Mississippi. She is the mother of 21 natural children, (18 living today) 61 grandchildren, and 55 great-grandchildren.
In the late 1960’s, the Hunters were faced with being evicted during a cold winter in the city of Racine, Wisconsin. However, God moved on a stranger’s heart which gave the Hunter family an eighteen-room house for $1.00. She knew it was a divine intervention, so she asked God.”What will you have me to do for you?” The Lord responded with a vision for the Love and Charity Homeless Mission.
The media had received this information on the Hunter family for the last 5 years but refused to profile this story. The media is focus on the Duggars and the Jon and Kate Gosselin Family.

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