twitter facebook stumble upon rss

I Had No Choice But to Have an Affair

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

OK -- so I touched a nerve!

woman tearing wedding picture

Wife #2: It's hard to resist the urge to respond to the dozens of comments posted about my story "Don't Call Me a Husband Stealer." I can't possibly address all of the nasty things said (some of them were quite creative by the way) so I'm just going to talk about a common theme: selfishness.

A lot of you accused me of being horribly, disgustingly selfish. And I was selfish. But I had no choice.

Let's look at what would have happened had I stayed in my marriage:

I would have been miserable, dying a bit each day because I had walked away from the man I was meant to be with. My husband would have looked at me each day, knowing I was only there to preserve the illusion of stability for our children. And our children would have grown up with a loveless, angry marriage as a relationship role model.

If I told you what my marriage was like for the last several years before I left, you'd probably cut me some slack. I lived with a bully who made sport of disparaging me in front of others. But that's as much as I'll say because it's still not his fault. How good or bad my marriage was is almost irrelevant. I met my soulmate. Even if my marriage had been better, I would have left it for him.

As for the exes, who in their right mind would want to stay married to someone who no longer loved them? That's what both of our spouses would have lived with and that's no life.

Some of you think we should have stayed for the children, at all costs. What would we teach our kids by doing that? Living a lie is acceptable. Love is not paramount. Follow convention like sheep -- because guess what kids -- that's what you're supposed to do!

Life is not made up of black and white decisions. What you seem to be saying is staying in lousy marriages makes us perfect parents, leaving those marriages makes us ax murderers. Our children know we love them. And they'll learn that we did our best as parents, but we're flawed like the rest of the human race.

I'll tell you this: if my child came to me as an adult in a situation similar to ours, I wouldn't judge. I'd support her decision to be true to herself. I certainly wouldn't tell her to suck it up and be miserable. I wouldn't want her to be flip or frivolous. But I'd be sure she heard this loud and clear: Choose happiness.

To those of who you charged me with middle school behavior -- running off with the first boy who talked to me in the lunch line -- grow up. That may be your experience, but it's not mine. I've had more opportunities over the years than I can count -- with rich men, powerful men, beautiful men. None of it tempted me for a moment, even in a cratering marriage. This wasn't some cute guy in Bennigan's tapping me on the shoulder and sending me into orbit. This was the love of my life.

I don't expect forgiveness or even understanding. But what I'm stunned at in the community I live in and in this digital community is the intolerance. Divorce may never be a popular choice, but it's still my choice to make.

And here's the last thing I'll say. I think a lot of you are just scared. Scared it will happen to you and scared it won't. Scared that if once-in-a-lifetime knocks at the door, you won't be brave enough to answer.

next: Who's Your Birth Daddy? Charles Manson!
98 comments so far | Post a comment now
no fax payday loans December 13, 2010, 4:12 PM

Hi just thought i might inform you something.. This really is twice now i’ve landed in your blog in the last 21 days hunting for totally unrelated things. Spooky or what?

payday loan online December 13, 2010, 4:29 PM

Intriguing article. I know I’m somewhat late in posting my comment nevertheless the article was to the and merely the information I’d been seeking. I can’t say that we believe all you mentioned nonetheless it was emphatically fascinating! BTW…I found your blog by way of a Google search. I’m a frequent visitor for your blog all of which will return again soon.

fast payday loans December 13, 2010, 5:11 PM

Each time I visit this great site there’s something totally new and improved will learn from. Haha I’ve held it’s place in your source code multiple times to understand how you’re doing things so I can put them on my site. Thanks! I am able to teach you about methods to easy.

cash loans December 13, 2010, 5:15 PM

I keep hearing what is the news update lecture about receiving boundless online grant applications therefore i are actually shopping for the top site to acquire one. Would you advise me please, where could i buy some?

online payday loan December 14, 2010, 7:30 AM

Many thanks for sharing superb informations. Your websiteis so cool.We are astounded by the facts that you’ve about this blog. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this web site, will happen backfor extra articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I discovered this is the info I already searched in all places and simply couldn?t run into. Exactly what a ideal website. I like this web site along with your website is without a doubt among my new favorite ones.I favor this site given and possesses given me some type of dedication achievement for some purpose, so thanks

payday loans no credit check December 14, 2010, 8:01 AM

Kudos for posting such a useful weblog. Your website isn’t only informative and also very artistic too. There are often very several folks who can write not so simple articles that creatively. Maintain the excellent writing !!

instant payday loans December 14, 2010, 8:27 AM

Thanks much to your downright post.this is the words that sustains me on track straight during my day. I have been searching around for this site after being known as them from your colleague and was thrilled as i was able to locate it after looking for while. As being a demanding blogger, i’m hopeful to remarked further ones taking initivative and adding to the city. True planned to comment to indicate my appreciation for ones website because it is very intelligent to accomplish, and a few writers don’t accumulate acknowledgment they deserve. I will be definite i’ll return to their office and can send most of my pals.

pay day loans December 14, 2010, 8:34 AM

Intriguing article. I know I’m a little late in posting my comment but the article would have been to the idea and just the info I’d been in search of. I can’t say i agree with all you could mentioned but it really was emphatically fascinating! BTW…I found your site via a Google search. I’m a frequent visitor for your blog and definately will return again soon.

quick payday loans December 14, 2010, 9:07 AM

I am really thankful to the author on this post for producing this lovely and informative article live for us. We really appreciate ur effort. Continue the excellent work… .

no fax payday loans December 14, 2010, 10:42 AM

Hello from Russia! Could it be easy for me to quote a submit in your weblog using the connect to you? I’ve tried contacting you about this problem however it seems i cant reach you, please response when possess a moment, thanks.

online payday loans December 14, 2010, 10:59 AM

Kudos for posting this kind of useful weblog. Your site isn’t only informative but additionally very artistic too. There are typically very several people that can write not simple articles that creatively. Carry on the great writing !!

payday loans online December 14, 2010, 11:38 AM

I truly loved this post. You describe this topic wonderfully. When hiring home contractors it’s answer to go with a trusted name in construction. Experienced and efficient staff should shoot for excellence and pay close attention to every detail of your dwelling.

payday loans December 14, 2010, 11:42 AM

My business is really thankful towards author of the post for making this lovely and informative article live to put us. We actually appreciate ur effort. Carry on the great work… .

payday loans December 14, 2010, 12:50 PM

Intriguing article. I know I’m just a little late in posting my comment nevertheless the article ended up being the purpose and merely the details I had been searching for. I can’t say i always go along with all you could mentioned but it really was emphatically fascinating! BTW…I found your blog by having a Google search. I’m a frequent visitor for a blog and can return again soon.

Merchant Account December 23, 2010, 2:28 PM

great one buddy maintain it coming

cash advances payday loans December 25, 2010, 6:56 PM

Hello from Russia! Could it be easy for me to pages and use a submit in your weblog using the connection to you? I’ve tried contacting you with this problem but it really seems i cant reach you, please response when possess a moment, thanks.

Marquitta Harrel January 24, 2011, 3:25 AM

hit the nail around the head

tabletki na pryszcze April 3, 2011, 7:28 AM

Very interesting info, i am waiting for more !!! Keep updating your website and you will have a lot o readers

Back to top >>