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I Saw the Childless Bitch Shopping!

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Don't like kids? Stay out of the mall.

childless bitch holiday shopping
Momlogic's Momstrosity: Yesterday, I was doing some holiday shopping at the mall with my kid, and I bumped into the Childless Bitch! You know, the one who writes all those nasty posts like "The Childless Bitch on Holiday Shopping" and other diatribes of venom. I'm pretty sure it was her, because she kept muttering "goddamn breeder" and "crotch fruit" under her breath while glaring at my 3-year-old, who immediately started to cry: "Mommy, that lady is sooo mean!" Gee, kids really do say the darndest things. The truth is, the CB turned my pleasant shopping experience into a real drag. So, here are a few tips for you "SexLESS in the City" gals who decide to venture out to the malls during the holiday rush. I realize my post is going to sound harsh, but seriously, this woman has it coming.

1. Please don't frighten my children. As a parent, I vigilantly protect my child from scary and unpleasant imagery. I don't want her to have nightmares of angry, embittered women skulking through malls in hot pursuit of the latest lip plumper they read about in "Cosmo."

2. Zip it. Those impatient cartoon noises you make while I'm trying to get my kid out of your self-entitled way aren't going to make us move any faster. What's your hurry, anyway? The bars stay open 'til 2:00 -- plenty of time for you to get sh*t-faced with your other childfree friends and throw up in your purse.

3. Smokey the B*tch: And hey, I know you've had a hard night of partying and you reek of cigarette smoke, but please don't get too near my child. Secondhand smoke kills, not to mention secondhand smoke on trendy secondhand clothes.

4. GrinchGirls need not apply. The holidays are a time for family and togetherness, not for sad lonely women who hate children and probably their own families -- assuming someone in your clan has procreated. If you can't handle the normal hustle and bustle of the Season of Giving -- get out of the mall.

5. Don't Bogart the tables. When you're alone in the crowded food court (which is probably often), don't sit yourself down at a table meant for four. If there are no seats available, then please, feel free to eat your meal on the go. That way, you can hightail it out of the mall that much faster.

Oh, and last, but not least, follow your own advice: It's called online shopping. Suck it up and pay the shipping costs. This will not only be a gift to your overall health and well-being this holiday season, but also a kind way for you to give back to your community.

And, if you ever change your mind and have children (Honey, believe it or not, the odds are good), those of us with children wish upon you a colicky baby and a temper tantrum-prone toddler -- you'll love them just as we love our children, but then you can endure the heartless comments of women just like you.

But for now, please be warned: Me, my kids and my stroller are at the mall to kick some shopping ass -- so get outta our way."

next: Go Ask Alice -- and Save Money!
36 comments so far | Post a comment now
Michelle November 30, 2009, 6:41 PM

Agree with Pamala. We should all just learn to be a little more tolerant.

Patricia November 30, 2009, 8:32 PM

Are you dumb broads out of your F*****G minds? Nowadays, most children (no fault of theirs) behave like ANIMALS. Then, the deficient parent points the finger at everyone else, as though it’s OUR fault you don’t train your brats right. If you’re too lazy to teach them proper behavior, leave their azzes at home. AND… keep your legs closed next time.

JulieF December 1, 2009, 5:40 AM

This is idiotic. Offensive to those of us with children- and I mean the blogger, not the CB.

Why? Because I have friends who are childless. They are respectful towards me, even though I have 5 children. Yeah, there’s the over-population argument, but my kids don’t run screaming in stores or restaurants, they’re taught to be polite, and you can bet my 5 will be recycling when these other loser’s kids are busy buying more batteries for their crap toys Mom bought to shut them up.

Please, stop acting like all moms share your ‘precious fruit of my loins’ view. If they pick up your foul mouth, it’s another example of more rude mothers raising self centered brats.

Vicki December 1, 2009, 7:27 AM

What I don’t understand is why people who hate children and don’t have any are are looking the the “Mom Logic” site in the first place.

true Mom December 1, 2009, 12:43 PM

Here is an idea…get a baby-sitter. No child needs to be standing in line outside…IN NOVEMBER at midnight while you make a mad rush for the $4 waffle maker. When you (and others) complain about their (the childrens) behavior, stop and think about where you have taken them and when. They are tired, felling rushed and overwhelmed, which is hard to tolerate as a 40 year old, let alone a 4 year old. Do we really want children to witness pushing and screaming and crying? And yes, I am talking about the shoppers.
I don’t care how well behaved you think they are, leave them at home.

Anonymous December 2, 2009, 8:14 AM

This “writer” has it all wrong. I have kids - they do NOT belong in the mall during the holiday season. Obviously the “writer” is unable to control her children otherwise the alleged “b*tch” wouldn’t have been glaring or making noises at the wild beastly children. As a fellow mom, I implore all other moms, leave kids under 8 home during holiday shopping season.

lip plumper December 3, 2009, 3:34 AM

Good post, Thanks for sharing with us!!!

KayZee December 4, 2009, 8:59 AM

I’m really shocked at this article! I had no idea it was that bad out there for moms! I am childless both by choice and circumstance, however I make a great aunt and love kids. I hold doors for moms/dads with strollers, pick up bottles that fall, etc. Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean I have to be evil to those who do. This article seemed kind of harsh, but then again I never experience the behaviour you talk about.

Selena December 5, 2009, 7:58 AM

Growing old is mandatory , growing Wise is optional!

I don’t agree with writer of this article .I don’t agree with the writer of the other article too which caused this lady to respond.

This attitude of generalization and talking about all childless women as some monsters is really strange.

I think you need some serious help from a shrink. Your children/chid is in serious danger living with someone so unbalanced and immature as you.

Please grow up!

Kimberly December 19, 2009, 12:01 PM

It is definitely funny because it is mirrored directly off of the CB’s first harsh words at the mothers. I love bringing my toddler to the stores and mall, but it is a gamble. Toddlers are super smart and can learn to scheme and get away with things if you let them obviously, but they also get really frustrated if they cannot communicate something or can’t figure things out because they have no emotional meturity. It just goes crazy. It is amazing when I can go to the store alone just because it is nice and quick, but I only like that sometimes. I already have a part time job and school, so I love being with him. Not to mention, there are a lot of moms who are on their own, and cannot go by themselves, not like that is something to stick up for, they have every right.

Kimberly December 19, 2009, 12:09 PM

I also agree with selena, both of the articles are pretty immature and generalized, theses are just both extremests. I am pretty sure that the ‘general’ people walking around are not wither huge evil b-words or terribly loud, screaming, throwing, breaking brats.

MyKidsMom January 3, 2010, 12:45 PM

Not every parent has the luxury of a nanny to call upon while we do our shopping. And, I’m sure, if I beat my children into submission I could make them behave in a way that would satisfy CB’s kind. I am certain CB’s parents must have either been extremely intolerant of her or spoiled her rotten, either way, they did her an injustice. Good parents try to find a happy medium between an Authoritarian and Permissive style. Sometimes children do behave badly but so do adults (CB).
CB and her kind have bigger issues than naughty children. The kind of people who are unable to empathize with children probably don’t like elderly people, happy couples, pets, or even themselves. Obviously CB, and her kind, need a therapist or a priest to talk about their issues.

P.S. For the folks with the negative comments about children, being intolerant of others will prevent you from enjoying life fully. I’m glad I don’t have to live with you.

Val January 7, 2010, 5:41 AM

I realize the author wrote this to get a response, but she’s highly offensive. I’m a happily married, childless woman. Childless by choice, but not because I hate children. Rather, I chose to break the cycle of emotional abuse that runs in my family.

Not every woman who is childless is some kind of “scarlet woman”. Grow up, “lady”.

Molly February 3, 2010, 7:23 PM

Your life must be really sad if this is how bitter you are about the world. Next time you’re at the mall and you see anyone, an old man or lady or a younger single person, sitting alone at a table for 4, I want you to video tape it so you can proudly put it on your blog. Please make sure that you tell him that he or she is in your and your children’s entitled way. You give mothers a bad name. Oh, and if your child knows what “crotch fruit” means, you need to not let them watch adult TV.

Tanya February 3, 2010, 10:32 PM

I am a mom of two…I find this article completely, well, idiotic at best. I hope that the author doesn’t talk to her children the way that she writes!

ap February 8, 2010, 9:01 AM

I don’t think children should be allowed in public if they can’t behave. I don’t want to hear or see your screaming, crying, tantrum throwing tot while I’m out trying to enjoy myself. I will go where I want, stand where I want, and I’ll eat alone at a table for 6. Its probably you and your annoying brood who should have a meal on the go. Better yet, holier than thou, take them home and make them lunch. I can’t stand all the women out there who are mean to single, child-less women.

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