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I Slept with My Husband

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When our oldest daughter turned 13, we celebrated.

couple sleeping

Beth Falkenstein: I'm not talking about an elaborate birthday party with my daughter and too many of her 13-year-old friends -- although we had one of those. I'm talking about dinner, alone with my husband ... at a restaurant (fancy) ... with drinks (alcoholic) ... and a movie (R-rated)!

Since our oldest daughter was now 13 years old, we no longer had to spend half our entertainment budget on a babysitter. We could legally leave her at home with her 10-year-old sister and go out for an evening that didn't involve cafeteria trays and soft drink dispensers, or require us to check our watches and our wallets every half hour.

We were going out on a real date, just like we used to!

When we started our family, my husband and I knew that parenthood would bring a whirlwind of change to our lives -- mostly wonderful. We knew that parenthood would bring with it responsibilities that would impinge upon our finances and romances (and possibly one or two "-ances" more).

What we didn't know is how long 13 years would feel when you don't have any money or sex.

The sensation as we left the house that night was exhilarating. We felt light and free. Visions of candlelight, adult conversation, and adult non-conversation filled our heads.

To paraphrase a well-known forest sprite: What fools we parents be'd.

The candlelight at our table had to compete with the light from my cell phone, which I kept next to my plate so I would be sure to hear it if our daughter called. The conversation centered on such adult topics as "Do you think our daughter remembered to lock the back door?" and "Do you think our daughters have killed each other yet?" And as for the romance? After a rich meal and a bottle of wine in a darkened room, we couldn't wait to get into bed ... and go to sleep.

We skipped the movie and were home before 10 PM.

That was a year ago. We've had a few more dates since then, and had a bit more success separating being a couple from being parents (we can even stay awake until 11 now; which, as Spinal Tap fans know, is one later). But in the end, we have to admit we love being parents, so the intimacy can wait if it has to.

Besides, in just six more years our youngest will be going off to college. And let me tell you, when she does, my husband and I are going to be the life of the nursing home!



next: Angels in Our Dreams
6 comments so far | Post a comment now
Lindee November 2, 2009, 8:08 AM

Wait until she goes off to college. It will be like newlyweds all over again

brian November 2, 2009, 11:03 AM

why have children in the first place?

tennmom November 2, 2009, 2:43 PM

My girls are 11 & 9. They have spent a weekend night with my parents since my younger daughter would take a bottle. They lived 45 minutes away at time. I’m lucky enough to have them 5 minutes away now. I can drop them off when I have a doc appt. or just when the kids dont feel like coming with me to the grocery store.

Anonymous November 2, 2009, 3:24 PM

I guess you guys didn’t choose the right person in the first place. The common myth that is so filthily perpetuated OVER AND OVER AND OVER again is that once you have kids all of the fun, romance and sexual bonding ends then and there. Well I’m here to tell you that is not always the case. Sure it is more common to find the irritable wife or emotionally distant dad. Yes, most people don’t have the energy for it. Most people also don’t find a way to work together, working at the same job. Most people don’t marry the right one in the first place. Most people don’t want to connect with their partner on ALL levels. It starts with the chemistry and respect that was there the first f*cking moment you looked at your spouse. It DOES start at the very beginning. If you have to read up on how to make romance happen you are sad.

Anonymous November 2, 2009, 6:22 PM

I’ve always thought of this..waiting for the day

Ten Tees January 8, 2011, 3:25 PM

Nice post. Good and fun reading. There’s one observation to give about shirts.


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