I Think He Likes My Kid More Than Me!

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I Think He Likes My Kid More Than Me!

Monday, November 16, 2009

filed under: love & sex

What do you do if the man you're dating likes to hang out with your kid more than you?

Ashlee Holland: Last week, I had a great conversation with one of my girlfriends about dating as a single mom. Of course, we tackled the obvious: When do they meet your children? Who pays for the sitter? And so on. In the middle of the conversation, she threw a curve ball when she stated, "I think he likes my kid more than me!" Of course, she continued to explain, not in a perverted, Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" sort of way -- but that he genuinely was a sort of "big brother" when her son was around.

The guy she was dating seemed to be so at ease and filled with joy at the thought of playing a video game or shooting a basketball around with her son. I guess it's bad enough to feel like a guy is not interested in you, but the thought that he has more fun and pays more attention to your 9-year-old is a bit of an ego buster, and potentially a tad bit creepy.

I tried to encourage her by saying, "Maybe he is just a GREAT guy. The good thing is he loves your son! That is a good thing ... right?" She nodded and said, "Well, what do you do if he calls to ask if your son is free on Saturday night to go bowling, and does not invite you to go?" OUCH! Trying so hard not to laugh, I asked, "Have you REALLY checked this guy out?" I was thinking, you either have a complete weirdo or just another big kid on your hands. He was in fact a counselor, currently coaches, and checked out just fine. Even with that being the case, the thought of being alone on a Saturday night, while your son is out with the guy you are dating ... WOW, let's just say, depressing!

What do you do when a guy has more fun playing Wii than he does getting a massage from you? What do you do when a guy wants to see a movie, but insists that your son come along? I have never experienced this phenomenon in dating, so where do you draw the line?

I think it is GREAT that single men with no children show a genuine interest in women with children. I do have to ask ... WHAT ABOUT MOM?!?!

We could not stop laughing at the thought that her child was cooler than she was in this guy's eyes. Losing to another woman -- we can deal with that. We can make up a million reasons why he chose her over you. If your son is awesome, then what? LOL

How do you deal with the fact that the guy you are dating may be more interested in hanging with your son than you? I say dump him, and keep him around as a free sitter, as long as he is legit! Happy dating!!!

Ashlee Holland, single mom of one and former actress on "Days of Our Lives," brings money and timesaving advice to momlogic.com. Ashlee's range of frugal and fabulous expertise helps moms find efficient and affordable ways to cut costs and stretch a buck. Ashlee's resourceful and innovative tips, combined with her infectious enthusiasm and tenacity, motivate anyone to survive and thrive.

filed under: love & sex

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Well first of all, ouch! I’d feel kind of snubbed here…I think it’s important to think about why you want a relationship in the first place. If you are just lookng for a companion for your child, there are multiple ways to acheive that. If you want a partner who you live life with and also grows to love your child, that’s great too…and which one is this relationship achieving? If your needs aren’t being met, I am not sure I would continue. I am a single mom too - and sometimes I htink that men are attracted to a ready made family. They are ready to jump into a specific role with yoru child without first building a relationship with you. And that’s where I’ve broken it off. I hope that helps you! Swati Bharteey

- Swati Bharteey

Posted 11/16/09 07:41 AM

That’s what I am worried about, as a single mother going through a divorce—- and, not only that, but I am PREGNANT. Suddenly, every guy who looks at me, or has asked me out, I’m giving them the evil eye wondering if they have some strange pregnancy fetish. Dating is hard. Especially when you have kids. Sigh.

- Andria

Posted 11/16/09 12:09 PM

Sounds kinda creepy that he is so infatuated with your son. Seems like those child predators seek out the single moms and have the jobs were they are able to get close to children. I would be careful.

- Anonymous

Posted 11/17/09 09:03 AM

I would not keep pursuing a relationship with a man who “liked” my kid “more than me” or felt the need to bond with them when we haven’t even been dating for over a year. This guy you are with, sound’s suspicious. WHere do you get it in your head that couselors and coaches can’t be potential sex predators? You need to do a THOUROGH background on him, for the safety of you AND your kid. Sorry, but every man from this point on is going to have to not only come second in your life, and that means putting your needs last. You might feel you “need” to truse him, or you “need” to relax and not be so paranoid, but your kid NEEDS you to step up to the plate and do those things that might make you feel uncomfortable and embarassing like, say, paying about 20 dollars to look up his complete past online. All you need to do is have his fulllegal name and birthdate. Keep in mind, that about 85 percent of sex predators have gone abusing kids for about 20 years before they were ever caught. This seems weird to me that your man would rather hang out with you AND your kid. If he ever offers to babysit for you “when you need someone”….Don’t. Eagerness to be with your child is only ONE clue that he most likely doesn’t really have your interest at heart, rather he may be looking for opportunities to do something else. Be safe.

- SAHMINWA

Posted 11/18/09 09:42 AM

While going through my divorce, the judge warned me that now I would be a target for child molestors because of my children. Please be careful.

- Single Too

Posted 11/18/09 11:37 AM

Thanks for all of the responses. I will say this was not my own personal situation, but my girlfriend did read the post and is now being EXTREMELY careful. She has stopped dating him. :) Good for her! THANKS!!!

- Ashlee Holland - Momlogic Contributor

Posted 11/19/09 01:40 PM

That’s exactly what I thought when I was dating my now-husband. My son was only barely a year old, but they couldn’t get enough of each other. I decided to go with it and enjoy the babysitting services, and now that the boy is nearly four, they’re even worse! They have a guy’s night every week, lol.

- Candy

Posted 11/27/09 10:23 AM

in all honesty sit him down and be honest, after all that is the foundation of all relationships. just tell him you are very happy he and your son gets along but sometimes you would just like some quality time to just the two of you

- sam

Posted 01/07/10 05:06 PM