Are you a new parent, nerves frayed to shreds by the endless exhaustive attempts you make through each and every day to discern exactly why that pint-sized nugget of yours is wailing like a banshee?

Vivian Manning-Schaffel: Well, you can light a candle in thanks to the techno-geek gods because, lo and behold, there's a brand new iPhone app that actually speaks BABY!

According to their website, the Cry Translator is "an easy to use iPhone app that quickly identifies the five distinct cries made by infants: hungry, sleepy, annoyed, stressed, or bored. These five cries are universal to all babies regardless of culture or language."

This miraculous device claims to:

• Ease the anxiety associated with calming a crying infant.


• Identify a cry within ten seconds.


• Build confidence in understanding and comforting your infant.


• Help reduce overall infant crying.

Basically, the Dunstan Baby Language System has been coded into an iPhone application to instantaneously translate my baby's malaise, spur me to better meet his needs, and thus balm my feelings of ineptitude. Clever! Is this something you guys would get? I'm a bit skeptical. An iPhone app that actually changes diapers, heats bottles, and gets up at 2 AM -- now that's something I can get with.

Vivian Manning-Schaffel has written for Babble, Parenting, The Advocate, The New York Post, Business Week and a variety of other publications and lives and works in the heart of breeder Brooklyn with her husband and two kids. She authors two pop culture blogs: The Mad Mom and A Hag Supreme, and is on the web at vivianmanningschaffel.com.