Clichés are clichés because they're usually true. They say the biggest arguments couples have are over sex, the kids, and money. True? You bet.
Bruce Sallan: At least in my house, it's restricted to just one of those -- $. Maybe I'll just do future blogs about the other two subjects 'cause you know I'm lying about money being the only issue we ever have.
But, this time, we did get into a heated argument over money. I think that second marriages are more complicated on most levels, as each partner does bring more history, more literal baggage, and potentially kids to the marriage. I brought the baggage of an ugly, angry, costly divorce in which my ex also abandoned my boys. My present wife has often stated that she feels she's paying for the sins of my ex. And, to some degree, she is right.
She brings her own baggage relating to money issues that began long ago, which she admits. Plus, she's been so successfully independent that she doesn't like to answer to anyone, let alone a stubborn new husband, about money. This can be combustible, as it was recently.
How can couples get over this problem? As usual, it's with better communication. Her belief, without revealing the intimate and inappropriate-to-reveal details of this latest spat, is that I withheld crucial information. I believe I didn't, that I just chickened out by sending it via an e-mail (which she says she didn't get).
The bottom line is that we are both so sensitive about this issue that instead of giving each other the benefit of the doubt, we chose not to believe one another and have a fight over it. Not a great way to resolve conflict, which we both know. But really, what do I know? I'm just a guy (and she'd fully agree with that).
|Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Join Bruce's A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW fan page at Facebook. To contact Bruce, visit his new website brucesallan.com.|