NY Times: It was in July 2007 when Mike L. asked the Pennsylvania courts to declare that he was no longer the father of his daughter. For four years, Mike had known that the girl he had rocked to sleep and danced with across the living-room floor was not, as they say, "his." The revelation from a DNA test was devastating and prompted him to leave his wife -- but he had not renounced their child. He continued to feel that in all the ways that mattered, she was still his daughter, and he faithfully paid her child support. It was only when he learned that his ex-wife was about to marry the man who she said actually was the girl's biological father that Mike flipped. Supporting another man's child suddenly became unbearable.
Two years after filing the suit that sought to end his paternal rights, Mike is still irate about the fix he's in. "I pay child support to a biologically intact family," Mike told me, his voice cracking with incredulity. "A father and mother, married, who live with their own child. And I pay support for that child. How ridiculous is that?"
Yet despite his indignation -- and despite his court filings seeking to end his obligations as a father -- Mike loves his daughter. Every other weekend, the 11-year-old girl, L., lives in Mike's house in a quiet suburban neighborhood in Western Pennsylvania. Her bedroom there is decorated to reflect her current passion: there's a soccer bedspread, soccer curtains and a soccer-ball night light. On her bed is an Everybody Loves Me pillow covered with transparent sleeves filled with photos of her and Mike, the man she calls "Daddy," canoeing, fishing and sledding together.
As the two of them prepared breakfast together one Saturday in June, just after L. finished fifth grade, Mike sang a little ditty about how she was his favorite daughter. A few minutes later, when he noticed L. sneaking a piece of raw biscuit dough, he poked her. She looked at him impishly until they both giggled.
"Just because our relationship started because of someone else's lie," he said later, "doesn't mean the bond that developed isn't real." Still, his love became entangled with humiliation and outrage, and each child-support payment stung so much that he felt compelled to take a stand on principle. In doing so, he also took the small but terrifying risk of losing his child.
Mike's conundrum is increasingly playing out in courts across the country, a result of political, social and technological shifts. Stricter federal rules have pressed states to chase down fathers and hold them responsible for children born outside of marriage, a category that includes 40 percent of all births. At the same time, DNA tests have become easier, cheaper and more reliable. Swiping a few cheek cells and paying a couple hundred dollars can answer the question that has plagued men since the dawn of time: Am I really the father?
Read the rest of this story at NYTimes.com.
Yet despite his indignation -- and despite his court filings seeking to end his obligations as a father -- Mike loves his daughter. Every other weekend, the 11-year-old girl, L., lives in Mike's house in a quiet suburban neighborhood in Western Pennsylvania. Her bedroom there is decorated to reflect her current passion: there's a soccer bedspread, soccer curtains and a soccer-ball night light. On her bed is an Everybody Loves Me pillow covered with transparent sleeves filled with photos of her and Mike, the man she calls "Daddy," canoeing, fishing and sledding together.
As the two of them prepared breakfast together one Saturday in June, just after L. finished fifth grade, Mike sang a little ditty about how she was his favorite daughter. A few minutes later, when he noticed L. sneaking a piece of raw biscuit dough, he poked her. She looked at him impishly until they both giggled.
"Just because our relationship started because of someone else's lie," he said later, "doesn't mean the bond that developed isn't real." Still, his love became entangled with humiliation and outrage, and each child-support payment stung so much that he felt compelled to take a stand on principle. In doing so, he also took the small but terrifying risk of losing his child.
Mike's conundrum is increasingly playing out in courts across the country, a result of political, social and technological shifts. Stricter federal rules have pressed states to chase down fathers and hold them responsible for children born outside of marriage, a category that includes 40 percent of all births. At the same time, DNA tests have become easier, cheaper and more reliable. Swiping a few cheek cells and paying a couple hundred dollars can answer the question that has plagued men since the dawn of time: Am I really the father?
Read the rest of this story at NYTimes.com.
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Email5 comments so far | Post a comment now >>
he should file for sole custody and ask for child support from the mother and bio dad. When they start to argue that he is not the father thecase should be dropped.
- smoore
WOW! THIS IS JUST CRAZY! I feel for the 11 year old young lady. She is in the midst of all this foolishness. He needs to stop playing. He didn’t have a problem paying or taking on the responsibility of being the father UNTIL the mother decided to marry the bio father. Sounds to me that ‘ex-husband’ put himself in this situation and now he is willing to lose the one person that meant the world to him all because of his EGO? Ummmm….. THIS IS THE CHANCE YOU TAKE WHEN YOU DECIDE TO BE SUPERMAN AND SAY YOU WANT TO TAKE CARE OF SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD. ***He continued to feel that in all the ways that mattered, she was still his daughter, and he faithfully paid her child support. It was only when he learned that his ex-wife was about to marry the man who she said actually was the girl’s biological father that Mike flipped. Supporting another man’s child suddenly became unbearable. ***
- tanyetta
Sorry, I agree with him. Why should he pay support for a child that isn’t “his” biologically, especially if her bio dad is married to her bio mom?
- tennmom
Doesn’t seem that the bio-dad has much class in the fact that he is accepting another man’s support into his OWN household especially after being such a home wrecker(a title usually reserved for women).
- Anonymous
If a DNA test was done and proved that the child was not his then I dont understand why the courts or whomever is forcing this man to pay child support, for a child that was proven not to be his. Shame on the mother, she probably always knew that the kid wasnt his.
- Pamela
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