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Most Useless Products for Women

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A zillion new products marketed directly to women hit the market in 2009. Presenting the winners of the "What Were They Thing?!" category.


2009's Most Useless Products for Women

How to Humiliate a Baby

This year, baby-wearing goes a bit too far with the introduction of the Peekaru. Similar to a Snuggie, the wearable blanket, the Peekaru is the perfect choice for any new mom who wants to freak out people at the supermarket with her Alien-esque garb.

World's Smallest Underwear

In 2009, paychecks shrunk and so did the underwear. For women who just find a G-string too bulky, there's the CString -- equipped with flexible piping that form-fits to your body. Tip: Save your money and go commando.

From Vixen to Virgin

If you're keen to fool your new beau or potential husband into thinking you're still a virgin (despite the pack of kids running around your house), you could give this artificial virginity hymen a whirl. Or not.

Yikes! Mom's Clothes are Growing!

Saving money has been the rallying cry of 2009. One designer thought that meant cutting down on maternity clothes. The idea behind these origami-inspired dresses is that they expand along with the expectant mom's belly with each passing trimester.

Here Comes the Bra ...

For those women searching for a mate this year, you could try the Man-Hunting Bra, direct from Japan. The bra includes a ring that pops out for on-the-fly marriage proposals, a countdown system, and "Here Comes the Bride" music. Odds are, anyone wearing this ridiculous contraption will still be single in 2010.

Draw on Your Bra

Looking around for a fun craft to do with your girlfriends? The inventors of the Doodle Bra had an idea. Grab some colorful washable markers and make like Picasso all over an "over-the-shoulder boulder holder."

One glitch ... the only way to show off your artistic creation is to whip off her top à la "Girls Gone Wild." Whoops.

Divide and Conquer Your Knockers

For well-endowed women who find it difficult to sleep with their girls bouncing all over the place, the makers of Kush asked women to shove this disturbingly phallic-shaped item in her cleavage. (Please note the sleeping woman in the Kush ad: her eyeshadow matches her Kush!)

Hairy Earrings

Forget hair extensions. This year's beauty trend was earring hair extensions. Never heard of it? There's a reason for that. The accessory, which sells for about 300 bucks and gives the illusion of longer hair -- but protruding from your ears -- never really took off.



next: Cops: Family Goes on Christmas Shoplifting Spree
24 comments so far | Post a comment now
april fowler February 25, 2010, 5:52 AM

I WRITE&WRITE &NO ONE PAYS ATTETION SO HERE IAM WRITING AGAING ELLEN YOU ARE THE BEENS BUT ONLY PEOPLE WITH MONEY GET TO BE YOUR BFF NOT A 42YR OLD STROKE SIRVIVER WITH NOTHING. LOVE YOU ALWAYS KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK BOTH JOBS LOVE APRIL IN CHILLICOTHE OHIO

IONE (JAN) DUNIGAN February 25, 2010, 6:11 AM

HI ELLEN, YOU NEVER MENTION ANYBODY FROM THE DETROIT,MICHIGAN AREA. WELL, HERE I AM FROM THE BIG D.AND GUESS WHAT MY NAME IS DUNIGAN WITH THE BIG D. TALK ABOUT SOME OF US WANT YOU. AND SEND SOME OF THOSE PRIZES TO US. WE ARE DOWN TRODDEN HERE IN MICHIGAN AS YOU ALREADY KNOW.I WOULD LOVE TO GET ON YOUR SHOW ONE OF THESE DAYS..OH, I AM PRACTICING YOUR DANCE SO THAT I CAN DO IT WHEN I DO COME ON YOUR SHOW. I LOVE YOUR DANCING AND I THINK YOU ARE SO CUTE. GIVE ME A HOLLER

bunmi  February 25, 2010, 7:39 AM

I Ellen i really love to see you and sing for you but i wish i can be on your show, right now am about to put to bed and i still can’t stop watching your show,i hope to win one of your special gift in this Canada

Irene Thompson February 25, 2010, 8:54 AM

I do not kno what URL is. haha
But I luv ya Ellen. I watch it everytime I can. Which is almost every day, and I watch the American Idol. AND I am OLD.
I remember when you sat on the stage, at Bill Clintons presidental time.
BYE

Joan Wielgus February 25, 2010, 10:50 AM

Thank you for the opportunity to win $15,000. Everything will go toward my interest Only home equity loan.
How about a contest to win a “We’ll pay your Loans off.” OR ‘We’ll give you food for two years.” Or “we’ll set you up to meet the love of your life,” for Gay women. “we’ll pay for the plastic surgery your auto accident wouldn’t pay for” or lastly, “We’ll get you the hair cut and style you’ve never been able to pay for.”
Joanie from Macungie PA Bank owned property

Peggy Barner February 25, 2010, 2:21 PM

Hi Ellen,

I really enjoy your show and watching you dance like no ones watching!
I’m a Mom/Grandma who doing the mother role things for the second time. I’m 63 years young and retired(feeling 38)and rearing my 5 year old grand daughter Rhycordia. I was scared of doing this mother thing again, but this is a real live do over. My kids think that I am a great mom, but I think I made lots of mistakes the first time. So I trying to listen more, judge less, and hug more. Its a joy to do this again and to be looked at as if you are the most important person on the universe. I thank God everyday for the joy that all my grandchildren bring to my life.

lucy kabatoff February 25, 2010, 7:30 PM

would love to win anything would love to pay my bills
from canada

MARY EDLIN March 1, 2010, 8:45 AM

GOOD MORNING…..MOVED FROM TEXAS TO DENVER,CO. TO HELP MY NIECE WITH HER NEW BABY, MADISON, BORN JAN. 14TH..ANOTHER NEW ADVENTURE….WE PLAN OUR QUITE TIME WHEN WE CAN WATCH YOUR SHOW…LOVE YOUR SMILE AND QUICK WIT…YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH….KEEP ON DANCING….LOVE YA..

amy March 3, 2010, 4:19 PM

I love u/
i love to see ur show every morning it truly makesmy day better. U r a wonderful lady and u keep on keepin on!!!! More power to ya.If i was in ur shoes id be sharing and surprising and giving and loving also! KUDOS to u

Amyfarquharson@yahoo.com

Suzanne Kostick March 3, 2010, 6:55 PM

Hi Ellen, love your show, you make me laugh everyday. Please tell me why I never hear of anyone from Canada winning anything. Been waiting to hear my name, even a phone call, but nothing. Still love ya, kudos to you and your staff!

Deborah Luprypa March 3, 2010, 10:39 PM

Hey Ellen, My name is Deborah and I got talked into being the PTA president for an elementary school for a year. OMG what a mistake!! I have lost 32 pounds since I took over as president due to stress - I am obviously not cut out for PTA. I only have 4 months to go but my yearbook lady just resigned, so I now have to put that together in 3 weeks - no pressure there!! Love your show - you take me out of my problems for an hour and put me in YOUR happy place - thank you! Deborah from Seattle, Washington

Josie Olivan March 4, 2010, 8:07 AM

Hi Ellen I Watch ur show everyday Keep Up the great Work..Josie OLivan from Alamo, Texas

Judy March 4, 2010, 12:58 PM

Dear Ellen, (you SWEETIE):)

My daughter and I love your show and your attitude about life and helping others. Several years ago many people helped us when we needed it and it was so uplifting, yet embarrasssing at the same time. After going thru a divorce, losing our home of 30 years and fighting depression and M.S. my faith and friends have helped me thru it! Things are gettting better and watching your uplifting, fun show each day HELPS SO MUCH! Thank you for all the great prizes everyone can try and win!

Stephanie March 4, 2010, 3:56 PM

Dear Ellen,
My family absolutely loves you. We love to see you dance and go over the table. You are such a caring person ,always the animal lover. You always have great shows and guest.I wish you and Portia all the happiness in the world.You two are great together.And,we also like seeing your mother on the show. You two seem like you have a great relationship.Watching your show helps me feel better, you are so funny! Keep up the great work.Oh,tell Tony to keep up the good job, we love him too.And,I want to win something too!!! :-)
Stephanie

helen roldan March 4, 2010, 8:44 PM

there is nothing else i rather do than to watch your show. you always go to orlando. WHEN ARE YOU COME TO HOLLYWOOD FLORIDA WE HAVE THE HARD ROCK CACINO

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Bernie Bechtold March 30, 2011, 6:34 AM

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