A zillion new products marketed directly to women hit the market in 2009. Presenting the winners of the "What Were They Thing?!" category.
2009's Most Useless Products for Women
How to Humiliate a Baby
This year, baby-wearing goes a bit too far with the introduction of the Peekaru. Similar to a Snuggie, the wearable blanket, the Peekaru is the perfect choice for any new mom who wants to freak out people at the supermarket with her Alien-esque garb.
World's Smallest Underwear
In 2009, paychecks shrunk and so did the underwear. For women who just find a G-string too bulky, there's the CString -- equipped with flexible piping that form-fits to your body. Tip: Save your money and go commando.
From Vixen to Virgin
If you're keen to fool your new beau or potential husband into thinking you're still a virgin (despite the pack of kids running around your house), you could give this artificial virginity hymen a whirl. Or not.
Yikes! Mom's Clothes are Growing!
Saving money has been the rallying cry of 2009. One designer thought that meant cutting down on maternity clothes. The idea behind these origami-inspired dresses is that they expand along with the expectant mom's belly with each passing trimester.
Here Comes the Bra ...
For those women searching for a mate this year, you could try the Man-Hunting Bra, direct from Japan. The bra includes a ring that pops out for on-the-fly marriage proposals, a countdown system, and "Here Comes the Bride" music. Odds are, anyone wearing this ridiculous contraption will still be single in 2010.
Draw on Your Bra
Looking around for a fun craft to do with your girlfriends? The inventors of the Doodle Bra had an idea. Grab some colorful washable markers and make like Picasso all over an "over-the-shoulder boulder holder."
One glitch ... the only way to show off your artistic creation is to whip off her top à la "Girls Gone Wild." Whoops.
Divide and Conquer Your Knockers
For well-endowed women who find it difficult to sleep with their girls bouncing all over the place, the makers of Kush asked women to shove this disturbingly phallic-shaped item in her cleavage. (Please note the sleeping woman in the Kush ad: her eyeshadow matches her Kush!)
Forget hair extensions. This year's beauty trend was earring hair extensions. Never heard of it? There's a reason for that. The accessory, which sells for about 300 bucks and gives the illusion of longer hair -- but protruding from your ears -- never really took off.