2009's Most Useless Products for Women

How to Humiliate a Baby

This year, baby-wearing goes a bit too far with the introduction of the Peekaru. Similar to a Snuggie, the wearable blanket, the Peekaru is the perfect choice for any new mom who wants to freak out people at the supermarket with her Alien-esque garb.

World's Smallest Underwear

In 2009, paychecks shrunk and so did the underwear. For women who just find a G-string too bulky, there's the CString -- equipped with flexible piping that form-fits to your body. Tip: Save your money and go commando.

From Vixen to Virgin

If you're keen to fool your new beau or potential husband into thinking you're still a virgin (despite the pack of kids running around your house), you could give this artificial virginity hymen a whirl. Or not.

Yikes! Mom's Clothes are Growing!

Saving money has been the rallying cry of 2009. One designer thought that meant cutting down on maternity clothes. The idea behind these origami-inspired dresses is that they expand along with the expectant mom's belly with each passing trimester.

Here Comes the Bra ...

For those women searching for a mate this year, you could try the Man-Hunting Bra, direct from Japan. The bra includes a ring that pops out for on-the-fly marriage proposals, a countdown system, and "Here Comes the Bride" music. Odds are, anyone wearing this ridiculous contraption will still be single in 2010.

Draw on Your Bra

Looking around for a fun craft to do with your girlfriends? The inventors of the Doodle Bra had an idea. Grab some colorful washable markers and make like Picasso all over an "over-the-shoulder boulder holder."

One glitch ... the only way to show off your artistic creation is to whip off her top à la "Girls Gone Wild." Whoops.

Divide and Conquer Your Knockers

For well-endowed women who find it difficult to sleep with their girls bouncing all over the place, the makers of Kush asked women to shove this disturbingly phallic-shaped item in her cleavage. (Please note the sleeping woman in the Kush ad: her eyeshadow matches her Kush!)

Hairy Earrings

Forget hair extensions. This year's beauty trend was earring hair extensions. Never heard of it? There's a reason for that. The accessory, which sells for about 300 bucks and gives the illusion of longer hair -- but protruding from your ears -- never really took off.