A Canadian woman mistakes labor for constipation and gives birth into a toilet! And the baby's fine!

Vivian Manning-Schaffel: Oh. Ma. GUH.

I have to admit, I thought that the Discovery Health show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" was for suckers. I mean, SERIOUSLY. The signs of gestation aren't subtle, they're more like ginormous, flashing red neon signs. Between the missing period and the basketball-sized growth within trying to kick its way out, I haven't quite reconciled how a woman could truly go a full nine-month term without figuring out she was carrying a passenger within her. I guess the show is of interest because other people can't either!

Anywho, articles printed across Canada say it happened as recently as December 13th!

Apparently, Heather Richard of Winnipeg, who had been told she could not have children, was straining on her toilet in excruciating pain when, lo and behold, a 4 lb., 9 oz. child came out in lieu of a big ol' turd.

"I didn't know what it was at first," she said of her first delivery. "I thought I was dying."

There just so happened to be a bunch of cops hanging out at her house for an "unrelated matter" when they heard the ruckus.

What they found was an infant in the bowl without any vital signs. A policewoman began CPR, reviving the baby. "When he started to cry, it was the best thing I've ever heard," Richard said.

The poor kid fractured his skull when he hit the bowl, but doctors say he should make a full recovery.

I don't know, can a kid recover from finding out they were born in the bowl? Kidding, people!

Vivian Manning-Schaffel has written for Babble, Parenting, The Advocate, The New York Post, Business Week and a variety of other publications and lives and works in the heart of breeder Brooklyn with her husband and two kids. She authors two pop culture blogs: The Mad Mom and A Hag Supreme, and is on the web at vivianmanningschaffel.com.