twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Counseling Couldn't Fix My Broken Marriage

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Marriages don't end neatly. Especially marriages with children.

couple in therapy with child

Wife #2: Patrick and I never really contemplated what would happen when we told our spouses we'd fallen in love with each other. That's not because we were flippant or uncaring. We just became consumed with the need to be honest, for their sake and ours. We weren't thinking about the fallout. We were thinking about trying to do the right thing in an impossible situation.

When our spouses asked us to walk away from each other, to give them another chance, we agreed. They deserved at least that. But asking us to give each other up was like asking us to give up breathing. After all, do you really need oxygen?

You can imagine what the months that followed were like. It was the dead of winter. My husband and I would come home after work to either screaming fights or stony silence. There was no in-between. I was sick over what our children were seeing. Our marriage wasn't great to begin with, and it quickly became intolerable.

I remember driving to marriage counseling every week during those long, cold months. I hated sitting on that couch, listening to my husband berate me for falling in love with another man, while the therapist nodded in that neutral "I won't take sides" way. Honestly, it would have been better if he'd just berated me too. It was all such a load of crap!

(Fire up the laptops because I can almost hear your keyboards clicking out there in cyberspace ... the gall of Wife #2 criticizing the sanctity of marriage counseling!)

It's true. I just don't believe in couples therapy. I'm not saying it's entirely useless. I'm sure some people who really have trouble communicating benefit from a third party leading the way. But in my opinion, most therapy is just an expensive b*tch session. No offense, but I'd choose a great girlfriend with a glass of wine over that any day.

In my case, it didn't matter what the therapist said. I wasn't having some kind of inner crisis, I wasn't struggling because my own parents divorced, I wasn't lashing out because my husband had been neglectful for years (though for the record, he had been). I was in love with another man and not in love with my husband. No amount of earnest psychobabble was going to change that.

At one point the therapist asked me to describe Patrick, to explain my feelings. I remember looking down and saying, "He's the love of my life."

Years later, I still feel dizzy thinking of that moment and the pain I caused. "Love of my life" should have been my husband's rightful position. He had eight years of marriage and three kids on his side.

That may have been a turning point. Eventually my husband's fury started to outweigh his wanting me back. He also seemed to realize what I already knew: Patrick or no Patrick, I was leaving. The marriage was permanently broken.

So thousands of dollars in therapy got us to exactly where we started. We didn't end any more amicably because we went through it. It didn't help me in the least. Maybe it helped my ex, I don't really know. But at least that's one reason not to regret it entirely.

next: Sarah Palin to Kids: "Obey!"
140 comments so far | Post a comment now
Rocky Wilhite February 28, 2011, 2:28 AM

I am wondering if you might possibly tell me the best way to subscribe to an rss feed, more exclusively your own rss feed. How do I use it?

buty February 28, 2011, 12:56 PM

Great story once again. Thanks a lot=)

program tv February 28, 2011, 2:22 PM

It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you some interesting things or advice. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article. I wish to read even more things about it!

piłka nożna March 1, 2011, 1:56 AM

Hi there, You have done an incredible job. I’ll certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends. I’m confident they’ll be benefited from this website.

Aquarium kaufen March 5, 2011, 12:24 PM

I’ll save this page… Thank you for sharing.

vigrx plus March 5, 2011, 1:23 PM

I was very encouraged to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this special read. I definitely savored every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.

Roberto Thiele March 5, 2011, 2:43 PM

Very useful publish here. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with me. I’ll certainly be back.

Termites Abington Township PA March 6, 2011, 6:21 AM

Loving the website not to mention layout, are you able to tell me if this is a custom layout or just a generic design which can be down loaded?

vigrx pills March 6, 2011, 9:31 AM

I was very encouraged to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this special read. I definitely savored every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.

Rosalee Melendrez March 6, 2011, 1:33 PM

I am not so imaginative to be enterprising to dash off remarkable stuff like you do but I am trying to pay it back so hoepfully this will cause you a toothful grin or make you sniggle or at the very least give you a thought for the day? : Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit!

varicella zoster virus March 7, 2011, 9:07 PM

After research a few of the weblog posts in your website now, and I actually like your way of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark website listing and shall be checking back soon. Pls try my website as effectively and let me know what you think.

vimax pills March 8, 2011, 7:33 AM

That fantabulous post this has been. Within no way seen this kind associated with useful post. I’m grateful to you and anticipate much more associated with posts such as. Thank you very much.

Island Vacation Packages March 9, 2011, 12:08 AM

I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great. I don’t know who you might be but certainly you’re going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!

vimax pills March 9, 2011, 8:56 AM

Great post! I?m just starting out in community management/marketing media and trying to learn how to do it well - resources like this article are incredibly helpful. As our company is based in the US, it?s all a bit new to us. The example above is something that I worry about as well, how to show your own genuine enthusiasm and share the fact that your product is useful in that case

Christian Louboutin Sandals March 9, 2011, 3:50 PM

discount christian louboutin

vimax March 10, 2011, 8:14 AM

This is a really good read for me, Must admit that you are one of the best bloggers I ever saw.Thanks for posting this informative article.

pompa wtryskowa vp29 March 10, 2011, 10:13 AM

This website online is known as a walk-through for all of the data you needed about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and you’ll definitely uncover it.

ilahiler March 10, 2011, 2:51 PM

It’s really a nice and helpful piece of information. I’m glad that you shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing…

Dedra Phuong March 11, 2011, 2:46 PM

I appreciate you taking the time to publish this publish. It continues to be very useful to me certainly. Value it.

vigrx March 12, 2011, 4:07 AM

Considerably, this post is really the sweetest on this notable topic. I harmonise with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your incoming updates. Saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the phenomenal clarity in your writing. I will directly grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates. Admirable work and much success in your business dealings!  Please excuse my poor English as it is not my first tongue.

Back to top >>