Lisa Conrad Cohen: I met with her the following day and talked about her 22-year marriage, her three children and what might have happened to cause him to feel this way. She said there were no signs, and they seemed to get along very well. They would take three big family vacations a year, owned two homes, and lived life to the fullest. When I asked her if she thinks he's having an affair, she said "definitely not!" I then asked her if he was going through a mid-life crisis. She said she didn't think so. We talked about their sex life, how often they spent alone time together and did he travel a lot on business. She told me he travels two weeks out of every month. She said they had sex twice a week, and when they go out it's usually with other people. She asked me to help her get through this devastating time. I offered to coach her and she accepted.
The next day we met again and she conveyed to me that she and her husband met in college and that he was her first love. She's never been with another man and was petrified to go out into the dating world. I noticed how insecure she was on the inside and that it would take time to get her self-esteem back. I assured her that she would be dating again, but it might take some time to feel comfortable with the process. I could see how distraught she was and that it would take time to get back her self-esteem. A lot of women blame themselves with a failed marriage.
The Affair A month later she told me she found out her husband was having an affair with a younger woman. She was so angry and humiliated, but after doing all of the exercises I gave her, she said she was finally ready to meet someone. I told her to go out on dates with different people. Don't expect to get serious with the first person who comes along. This is your time to have fun, be adventurous, and feel like a kid again.
Here's a list of things women ask themselves:
Do I do enough to make him happy?
For some men, it's never enough. If he's not happy with himself, he can't be happy with someone else.
Do I give him enough sex?
You could be dropping the kids at school, going to work, coming home and cooking dinner and then he expects to get his sexual needs met. Well buddy, you're barking up the wrong tree. He needs to understand how exhausting being a mom is.
Am I still attractive to him after having children?
You're the person he chose to marry. So if you're a few pounds overweight he should still love you.
Maybe it's my cooking ...So if you burn the lamb chops so what? If he wanted to marry Martha Stewart, he would have.
Am I sexy enough?
Has he looked in the mirror lately. There's nothing worse than a man who is critical of his wife and he's got a beer belly, losing his hair and needs to use Viagra to close the deal
If you ask yourself these questions, you'll make yourself crazy. So don't waste your time and give yourself a pat on the back that you put up with him as long as you did.
The following is a list of exercises to help overcome the emotional pain and sadness:
Keep a notepad by the bed and each night write down the following and the reasons for each one:
I am a loving and giving partner
I am a wonderful mother to my kids
I deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship
I deserve to be happy in my life
I am a beautiful human being
Get Your Self-Esteem Back
Go to the gym, take a yoga class or a long power walk in the neighborhood. This is a great way to help depression.
Go to the hair salon and try a new sexy hairstyle, color or highlights.
Go shopping and buy yourself a new dress because you deserve it.
Go to the spa for a massage, facial or manicure. You deserve it.
Surround yourself with good friends and family
Take a dance class, art class, travel to a place you've always wanted to go to.
If you do these things you will feel better about yourself -- and will have a more positive outlook on life.
|Lisa Conrad Cohen has been matchmaking for as long as she can remember. Even in high school, she was known for successfully hooking her friends up with their boyfriends and girlfriends. After successfully launching an internet-based matchmaking company, Lisa started Dating Designers in 2006. Lisa has been featured in numerous print publications, media websites and radio talk shows. She currently resides with her family in southern California.|