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5 Ways to Fake Delight Over a Crummy Gift

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The fine art of putrid present opening. 

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Momlogic's Momstrosity: It doesn't matter what their tacky novelty T-shirt says -- some people are not Born to Shop. These people's inability to choose a decent gift becomes your problem -- if you want to be polite -- which of course you do because, heck, they DID think of you -- even if they showed it by buying you a vase in the shape of a cowboy boot.

So, what do you do when you absolutely hate the gift you just opened in front of the beaming gift-giver? Here are a few skills you should sharpen before you unwrap ANY gift this holiday season.

brandoa.jpg The Marlon Brando Method
Use the acting technique developed by Lee Strasberg, founder of the Actors Studio. Think back to a time when you received a present you truly loved. Then channel that feeling of happiness onto the coral encrusted suspenders that you just got from your cousin. However, don't remember back to a gift that was given to you by an old flame -- the one you thanked by initiating wild sex on the living room floor.
karatea.jpg

The Karate Kid
Breathe in deeply, then release the air while simultaneously exclaiming, "I love it!" Be sure to take just ONE deep breath. Don't hyperventilate: it will give you away. Remember, Santa says, "Wax on, wax off."

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The "Whoops!"
Have a glass of wine or cider near you as you open a present from someone who has a history of giving bad gifts. When you open the gift and are greeted yet again with something incomprehensible (like solar-powered electric toenail clippers), "accidentally" spill your drink creating a distraction. (Warning: Don't try to sop up the spill with the gift.)

snowa.jpg The "Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow."
As in "snow job." Rather than talking about how much you like the gift, complement the person who bestowed the present on you. Stroke their gift-giving ego:


EXAMPLES:

  • Wow, Auntie Susan, how did you know I wear socks!!?
  • Sweet! I read about this in the Penny Saver!
  • I didn't even know they made tea cozies anymore! Where on EARTH did you find one?

cheersa.jpg The Cheers!
This method works best if you've had enough of hanging with the relatives. Upon opening the gift, declare that "This collection of ceramic unicorns makes me remember how others are less fortunate than I." Insist that you donate the gift immediately to those in need. Your family will be impressed with your selfless act. At that, march out of the house, bid your relatives adieu, and hightail it to the nearest bar.


next: Evangelist Oral Roberts Dies in California at Age 91
1 comments so far | Post a comment now
Sara December 24, 2009, 8:09 AM

LOL these are good suggestions. I like the one about spilling your drink for a distraction. That way you can compose yourself and think of something sweet to say. Hope you have a great Christmas!


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