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I May Be Childless, But I'm Not a Disease

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Childless Bitch: Mommies, you've gone too far. I am utterly offended. This proves once and for all that you think human beings are uncivilized predators out to get you and your precious spawn.

childless without a disease

We're living in the age of paranoia. Not since the McCarthy era have we been so suspicious of our fellow man. We're convinced that every stranger's sneeze is a receptacle for H1N1, that the guy in line in front of you with the uncovered cough deserves corporal punishment. We've practically replaced our vanilla citrus shower gel with Costco-sized bottles of Purell. All for the fear of catching a little cold or flu that might ground us in bed eating soup and watching daytime TV while we moan to our significant others for a few days.

But this, this is f*@&ing ridiculous! How dare you assume that I am not clean enough to handle your child? That sign is so condescending and offensive that it actually makes me want to grab your baby, open its mouth, and sneeze into it. That's not right, I know. The baby is an innocent victim. I should really be sneezing into your mouth. Have we really reached the point where, because you have a child, you get to treat the rest of your peers like children? This sign says to me that you think I don't have enough common sense to realize that babies and children have weaker immune systems and are more prone to illness than we adults are. Basically, the sign says that you think I'm a dirty idiot.

What if I posted a sign on myself when I came into contact with your babies? "If your baby drools, poos itself, or is incapable of keeping its snot in its nose -- kindly back the hell up." After all, your baby is much more likely to be crawling with microscopic domestic terrorists than me.

I think it's pretty safe to say that unless you saw someone crawl out of a Jersey Shore hot tub, you can assume they're not going to spread disease onto your kid. And if you still think they (perhaps another child) are, then a simple verbal reminder -- "Hey, would you mind washing your hands, Carson's been sick lately?" -- is more than okay.

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56 comments so far | Post a comment now
Ourjobasparents December 21, 2009, 5:36 PM

Although this sign may be a little out there, some people forget to wash their hands after going to the bathroom, pluck in their nose, teeth, etc etc. then want to touch. We don’t know what you do in your spare time. When my baby get sick because of the cold germs that you got off of a door knob at starbucks, I’m going to be the person staying up all times of night with a sick crying baby. It’s not a walk in the park. So to make our jobs a little less hectic we try our best at all costs to limit germs. My baby is a little less fortunate than some, a cold caused her to have a seizure and she ended up in the hospital for 3 days and have a spinal tap. Please try to be more considerate.

MommaWolf December 21, 2009, 5:49 PM

I am not a germophobe by any means and know from experience with my own 2 kids that ‘sick’ happens (pun intended). I have a weak immune system myself and even if they didn’t get sick from the crud going around constantly at school, they would bring it home to me. I stayed sick 3 times more often than they did and somehow, am grateful that they have been exposed so they were able to build up a better immunity. I am often an over-protective mother but never felt the need to post a sign such as this. HOWEVER, I do not condemn another mother for trying to look out for her child! ESPECIALLY when there is so much news of late about parents neglecting and worse yet abusing their children. This is probably 1 little one we thankfully won’t have to hear about on the news being found in the trunk of Mommy’s car, etc. **shudder**
And did any one stop to think maybe the Sign Mom is a hearing impaired individual? That maybe she is fully deaf and incapable of speaking and therefore relies on sign language which most of us do not know? So maybe she had to post it in plain English for everyone to understand? Just a thought.

CB December 21, 2009, 6:10 PM

I’ll fart on your kid if I want to

tennmom December 21, 2009, 7:50 PM

I feel I should also add that my first daughter was born in the middle of January, the day of the worst ice storm in a decade. It was also COLD, darn cold for this far south so I didnt take that kid out of the house until her 6 week check up. No one had the opportunity to germinate her.

bekey December 21, 2009, 9:50 PM

Well… I have a couple of these signs and i did not pay a dime for them. The hospital where my baby was in the NICU for four months (he was born at 24 weeks) had a basket of them for people to take. I don’t think if my baby had been born full term without BPD though that I would care as much. He is not allowed out in public until RSV season is over except to go to doctors appointments so I don’t have to worry about grubby hands trying to touch him at Wal-Mart or whatever, and I could never forget to tell visitors to wash up before contact with my son, so they are probably a bit unnecessary.

Jamie December 22, 2009, 1:41 AM

My curiosity was peaked by your post, so I must reply. Your dolt posting proves your loss for the current position of real Parents and the world. In fact, the climate in which we live urges us, not only to be aware of our surroundings, but also to be ever aware of the Pandemic that is upon us. Your disdain for signs is apparent, so I ask you this, do you disagree with the sign that reads “YOU BREAK IT, YOU BUY IT”? Well, in this so delicate case, if you “break” (or destroy) the most precious of things to me, how can you “buy” (restore) it? You can not! I say to you, that in this time, I as a parent can take no chances in the health of MY child. In closing, I will say this, the next time you visit your local supermarket, see the facilities in said store, and tell me then if you, yourself would place the care of anyone in that store, your most personal possession.

Liz December 22, 2009, 7:19 AM

My son had one of these signs and it wasn’t because of paranoia it was because of need. He was 7 weeks premature and even when he came home after a 46 day period in the NICU he was still fragile. A simple cold could have led to RSV, pneumonia or worse. He was not yet healthy enough to deal with what might not even register as a cold with a normal healthy adult.

So yeah I had a sign. My son’s protection is my responsibility, not yours, and the sign gave people a little extra pause to be vigilant.

Kimberly December 22, 2009, 8:18 AM

I am sorry, but generalization is total ignorance. I automatically rule out all of what you have to say from the beginning because of this. The thing I do understand is that some people can be crazy of extreme, but I have to say you are definitely one of those people. (:

Anonymous December 22, 2009, 9:51 AM

I’d just like to point out that you should always attempt at washing or sanitizing your hands before touching a baby you don’t know.

You don’t know the child’s medical history—he/she could be a sickly baby or have a weakened immune system. It’s just plain respectful not to bring all your nasty germs from touching money and door handles to another woman’s baby.

It’s a very scary idea for new parents that their baby could get sick and die from other people’s germs. Just respect the parents’ wishes and wash your hands.

Melissa December 22, 2009, 2:28 PM

My child was premature. The doctors told us that if our baby so much as had a sniffle it was back to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) and quite likely a spinal tap. So yes, we were pretty cautious with our little one. We did not have this type of sign attached to our child, but I was known to slap a few hands away.

Being that you’re childless, I’ll clue you in on a little known fact. When at a grocery store, shopping or in any other public arena, complete strangers will come up and grab hold of your child. They will grab at their hands and feet, try to kiss their heads, and touch their cheeks.

With so many dirty, germy people in the world who don’t wash their hands after handling their genitals or blowing their nose, YES, I DO assume you are not clean enough to handle my child. It would be one thing if my kid was clinging or grabbing onto you - which is then free game on your part (but I am not one that would allow my child to behave that way in the first place).

If you are a complete stranger, keep your hands off my kid! Where do you feel that you have the right to touch her - where do you get that sense of entitlement? Now THAT, oh Childless one, is f*@&ing ridiculous.

Anonymous December 23, 2009, 6:46 AM

Illness, cold, sniffle or perfectly healthy I don’t allow anyone to touch my child period. They are my personal property. Breathing the air around us with everything out in the world today is not something we can always stay away from but you can keep your hands off my child, sick or not sick. If someone touches my children while we are out, I do speak up an ask them to please not touch them an it has nothing to do with germs, my way of protecting them simple as that.

Jennifer December 23, 2009, 9:00 AM

These signs exist because there is a need for them. There are many babies - especially preemies, like my son, that are more succeptible to germs than the average adult. He will get sick at some point, but during this first year, a cold to him would most likely develop into pneumonia because his lungs are not as developed. He may even have to be hospitalized. These aren’t issues of “paranoia”. They are real concerns that any NICU nurse/doctor will warn about. Not everyone has the common sense to wash their hands or stay away if they are sick. Protecting a child from germs really is more important than worrying about offending someone who really has no business touching my baby to begin with. No one else is going to be up with him screaming at 3am if he gets sick. If that makes me an overprotective momma - I really don’t care if that’s the label I’m given. If you had walked in any preemie mother’s shoes you wouldn’t have the same opinion.

John December 23, 2009, 3:05 PM

Sick or not touching my child results in pain (I will cause it). Who in there right mind touches a strangers child to begin with, it ignorant and rude.

Anonymous December 24, 2009, 7:59 AM

This article is DEAD ON!! Seriously (and I say this as a mother) keep your kid home if you are so afraid of germs.

“If your baby drools, poos itself, or is incapable of keeping its snot in its nose — kindly back the hell up.” After all, your baby is much more likely to be crawling with microscopic domestic terrorists than me.’
100% accurate

BC December 24, 2009, 4:54 PM

Whew, love to see the parents get all bent out of shape in the comment section of a post about their “clean and germ-free” babies!

Love the post myself! It needs to be said! If people make the choice to have kids, they can make the choice to keep them inside the rest of their lives to make sure they don’t get all “germy”. lol. Little do they know that those kids will be festering in a germ pile once they hit preschool, kindergarten and on up! These people should actually PROTECT their children instead of sticking a sign on the stroller, etc. If they cared that much they wouldn’t need the sign, a verbal warning would suffice. These signs are for the lazy parents who can’t make the effort to ensure strangers, etc don’t touch the kid.

In all honesty, why would anyone want to touch a baby of someone that you don’t know? Gross.

Ugh December 24, 2009, 10:23 PM

It’s ridiculous how many people think that it’s ok to just touch or kiss other people’s babies! These signs, while a little extreme, aren’t created to offend you (talk about egocentric…), they are to remind people who might try and pinch their newborn baby’s cheeks to think twice about the cleanliness of their hands. It might even discourage them from touching at all.
And, as a previous person stated, these signs are great for children who are born with immune system deficiencies.

Anonymous December 24, 2009, 11:50 PM

Yeah, I know this has probably already been said, when a baby is first born it has a compromised immune system (IgG levels transferred from the mother are going down while baby’s IgG takes a while to be synthesized). This is probably the only point I would consider valid for a sign like this. However, most mothers don’t have a basic concept of the immune system, so this point is almost never voiced. I agree with your rant though.

Keeping yourself away from microbes at all costs is actually more detrimental to you. Without contact with microbes, your body cannot build up a better immunological response the next time that the same microbe might invade your extracellular space. For this reason, one might actually become MORE sick or the severity will be greater if they rely on constant sterilization.

Lili December 25, 2009, 4:08 PM

If for one minute one of my friends thinks I’m too unclean to touch their little vaginal blossoms they’ll never, ever have to worry about it again.

As for strangers? Please…your kids are legends in YOUR minds alone. They are not celebrities-no one wants a lock of hair or an autograph.

DIL December 26, 2009, 4:16 PM

I don’t understand why complete strangers think they have any right to touch other peoples children to begin with. I don’t care if you have children or not, if I don’t know you, don’t touch my kid. I doubt that mom cares if your hands are washed or not, she’s probably just doesn’t want people touching her baby and thought that that sign was more polite than a sign that says “don’t touch my baby”. And if that was her thinking, I have to say, she’s probably right.

Emily December 27, 2009, 4:26 PM

It’s offputting. I agree totally. If you are so worried about your precious bundle of joy, then stay the h3ll home. If you don’t want them touched, cuddled, hugged, simpered over or whatever, fine, then don’t bring them out in public where people who think your baby is cute, adorable, and snuggly will have to put up with your stupidity. Germs happen. Colds and flus really don’t kill all that many people. Doesn’t matter if it’s garden variety, or H1N1. If they are going to get it, then they are going to get it. doesn’t matter if they touch a person or not. these virus’ live on all surfaces, so the only way to protect them is to keep them home. trash the dumb sign and get a brain.

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