twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Santa is a Creep

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Just because he looks jolly doesn't mean Santa can't have a dirty streak.

Santa Claus

Brett Berk: I spent the Thanksgiving holiday down south with my boyfriend's family. This included our three nieces, all between the ages of 7 and 10. We managed to avoid one scourge of the holiday season -- taking the girls to see Twilight: New Moon. But this left us holding the (turkey) bag for other joyous festivities, namely, taking the kids downtown to go ice skating at a rink set up in a bland corporate plaza between two unremarkable skyscrapers.

This wasn't so bad. It was a sunny day, the ice wasn't too crowded, and the tweenieces delighted in sliding around. Best of all, I managed to beg off donning skates at all, shirking the responsibility onto the blood relative, my partner. Fortunately, ice skating hurts. And even though all three of the young ladies are extremely sporty -- between them, they kayak, play soccer, rock climb, and train for gymnastics -- it wasn't long before they were complaining of sore ankles. Unfortunately, they managed to hobble off the rink just as my least favorite part of Xmas approached: Santa.

Actually, it wasn't just Santa. It was a pair of Santas (Santi? Santum?), both of who wore black boots, pointy caps, and realistic beards that they obviously spent the rest of the year growing and (haphazardly) grooming. One of them had a "Mrs. Claus" with him -- though she looked more like a cast-off Druidic Priestess, with her hauntingly vacant blue eyes, green hooded cape, and a strange stuffed animal that resembled a beagle in a beaver-fur stole. The other Santa was hanging stag (and I don't mean with one of the reindeer).

Those of you who know me know that I tend to downplay our national mania for "stranger danger," reminding people that the negative incidents we associate with this perceived risk have actually remained steady or diminished over the past 30 years (they simply seem more prevalent because of the echo chamber of our always-on modern media), and almost universally occur at the hands of someone in the child's family. However, that doesn't mean that I condone placing your young offspring on the lap of any fat man in a piebald red suit just because it's December.

Yet, oddly, this is just what people did. These weren't official Santas, vetted or cleared in the fashion of even the lowest-rent department store Saint Nick. It's possible these guys weren't even sober (one of them seemed to be tottering). I campaigned against letting the girls get their picture taken on the chubby old dude's knee, but he was giving away candy canes, so my protests fell on deaf ears (also, the nieces' parents were present, and encouraging of contact).

But on our way back to the car, I spotted one of the Santa's cars -- a run-down van with a homemade I Am Santa magnet stuck to the hood, featuring his scary grimace, and listing a "sleigh-mail" address -- in the parking garage. Instead of stoking their fears (it was a VAN, for god's sake; had they never read the basic child molester profile?) my relatives took comfort in this. "It looks legit," my sister-in-law said. I pointed out that a) anyone can acquire an email address with the word Santa in it; this is not a privilege reserved for "real" Santas b) anyone can dress up in a fuzzy scarlet get-up, have a picture taken, and have a big (removable) magnet made of it, and c) the whole concept of Santa is still creepy ("Sit on my lap, little boy, and I'll whisper in your ear and give you a sweet."). I was accused of lacking proper holiday spirit.

What do YOU think?



next: Merry Christmas from Octomom!
180 comments so far | Post a comment now
Mylissa December 10, 2009, 12:01 PM

Um, I think you need to see a doctor or 2. It’s not as though most people don’t go to a mall, to have pictures taken with Santa. Unless you are leaving your child to be babyset by Santa, or he is going off into a dark room to ask the kids what they want. I don’t see a problem. Most child sex offender know the child . They are someone you trusted. Not some drunk at the mall, who gave your kid a candy cane.

Anonymous December 10, 2009, 2:25 PM

I think it’s creepy. And apparently lots of kids do too, because I’ve seen a lot of pictures of screaming children whose parents just think it’s funny. My mom never made me sit on Santa’s lap, and I probably won’t take my kid there either.

Jean Rubinson December 11, 2009, 12:10 PM

Not being a person who celebrates Christmas,for religious reasons, I can still get your point. It is creepy in this day and age of concern for molestation.Generally,though parents or some other adult is with the child during “sitting time.”

Aunt Jeannie

Barack Like Me December 11, 2009, 2:10 PM

Based on your description, I’d say in this case it’s “one Santa, two Santorum.”

detox foot spa May 20, 2010, 11:58 PM

Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

My Wordpress Journey July 11, 2010, 5:09 AM

This is the type of information that should be shared around the web. Shame on the search engines for not positioning this post higher!

Domitila Dethomasis July 18, 2010, 10:22 AM

I think you should write more detailed article, I need specification about the software, including download link and file size

Onie Eckley August 1, 2010, 6:18 PM

The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

Jon Pinkstaff August 1, 2010, 8:33 PM

If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

Lakia Drewery August 1, 2010, 9:09 PM

The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

Ilda Mabb August 1, 2010, 10:53 PM

The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

Janyce Mcquiller August 2, 2010, 12:50 AM

I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

Kurt Gabl August 2, 2010, 3:33 AM

The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

Xenia Murdy August 2, 2010, 5:11 AM

Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

Tomas Heathershaw August 2, 2010, 7:50 AM

Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.

Lou Zana August 2, 2010, 9:28 AM

Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

Milton Estremera August 2, 2010, 11:01 AM

If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

Jon Medlock August 2, 2010, 9:35 PM

Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

Numbers Smee August 3, 2010, 2:20 AM

Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

Von Codling August 3, 2010, 4:25 AM

This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.


Back to top >>
advertisement