twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Santa is a Creep

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Just because he looks jolly doesn't mean Santa can't have a dirty streak.

Santa Claus

Brett Berk: I spent the Thanksgiving holiday down south with my boyfriend's family. This included our three nieces, all between the ages of 7 and 10. We managed to avoid one scourge of the holiday season -- taking the girls to see Twilight: New Moon. But this left us holding the (turkey) bag for other joyous festivities, namely, taking the kids downtown to go ice skating at a rink set up in a bland corporate plaza between two unremarkable skyscrapers.

This wasn't so bad. It was a sunny day, the ice wasn't too crowded, and the tweenieces delighted in sliding around. Best of all, I managed to beg off donning skates at all, shirking the responsibility onto the blood relative, my partner. Fortunately, ice skating hurts. And even though all three of the young ladies are extremely sporty -- between them, they kayak, play soccer, rock climb, and train for gymnastics -- it wasn't long before they were complaining of sore ankles. Unfortunately, they managed to hobble off the rink just as my least favorite part of Xmas approached: Santa.

Actually, it wasn't just Santa. It was a pair of Santas (Santi? Santum?), both of who wore black boots, pointy caps, and realistic beards that they obviously spent the rest of the year growing and (haphazardly) grooming. One of them had a "Mrs. Claus" with him -- though she looked more like a cast-off Druidic Priestess, with her hauntingly vacant blue eyes, green hooded cape, and a strange stuffed animal that resembled a beagle in a beaver-fur stole. The other Santa was hanging stag (and I don't mean with one of the reindeer).

Those of you who know me know that I tend to downplay our national mania for "stranger danger," reminding people that the negative incidents we associate with this perceived risk have actually remained steady or diminished over the past 30 years (they simply seem more prevalent because of the echo chamber of our always-on modern media), and almost universally occur at the hands of someone in the child's family. However, that doesn't mean that I condone placing your young offspring on the lap of any fat man in a piebald red suit just because it's December.

Yet, oddly, this is just what people did. These weren't official Santas, vetted or cleared in the fashion of even the lowest-rent department store Saint Nick. It's possible these guys weren't even sober (one of them seemed to be tottering). I campaigned against letting the girls get their picture taken on the chubby old dude's knee, but he was giving away candy canes, so my protests fell on deaf ears (also, the nieces' parents were present, and encouraging of contact).

But on our way back to the car, I spotted one of the Santa's cars -- a run-down van with a homemade I Am Santa magnet stuck to the hood, featuring his scary grimace, and listing a "sleigh-mail" address -- in the parking garage. Instead of stoking their fears (it was a VAN, for god's sake; had they never read the basic child molester profile?) my relatives took comfort in this. "It looks legit," my sister-in-law said. I pointed out that a) anyone can acquire an email address with the word Santa in it; this is not a privilege reserved for "real" Santas b) anyone can dress up in a fuzzy scarlet get-up, have a picture taken, and have a big (removable) magnet made of it, and c) the whole concept of Santa is still creepy ("Sit on my lap, little boy, and I'll whisper in your ear and give you a sweet."). I was accused of lacking proper holiday spirit.

What do YOU think?

next: Merry Christmas from Octomom!
180 comments so far | Post a comment now

I’ve been visiting your blog for a while now and I always find a gem in your new posts. Thanks for sharing.

nj state disability November 10, 2010, 6:18 AM

You certainly have some agreeable opinions and views. Your blog provides a fresh look at the subject.

government ca rauctions November 10, 2010, 2:06 PM

Awesome Blog. I add this Blog to my bookmarks.

Lucy Lambert November 12, 2010, 10:29 PM

I think you are definitely right, but my stepdaughter did not believe this when I showed this to her.

tenis kraków November 16, 2010, 3:53 PM

It’s everything here exactly…what I was looking for :) I’m so happy that I step in right here.

tenis kraków November 16, 2010, 4:02 PM

It’s everything here exactly…what I was looking for :) I’m so happy that I step in right here.

Lyncoppople November 20, 2010, 10:02 PM

Very informative post. Thanks for taking the time to share your view with us.

Lyncoppople November 20, 2010, 10:03 PM

Thanks For This Post, was added to my bookmarks.

resveratrol benefits November 24, 2010, 6:06 AM

I am glad to be a visitor of this sodding website ! , thanks for this rare information! .

johony Bigod November 24, 2010, 7:42 AM

Just wanted to say, it’s all good really.

Eloisa Malvern November 24, 2010, 8:03 AM

wow, awesome post, I was wondering the same thing. and found your site by google, many userful stuff here, now i have got some idea. bookmarked and also signed up your rss. keep us updated.

webhosting test November 24, 2010, 10:57 AM

Hello, I really like the way you treated the subject… maybe you could visit my website and give me a few tipps. Thanks in advance :)

Tawanna Rohla November 24, 2010, 6:49 PM

Can not believe Google thinks this is news!

Dong Mccaslin November 25, 2010, 5:07 PM

The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

Jolie Wittig November 27, 2010, 1:15 PM

The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

BeeddeReex November 28, 2010, 6:56 PM

Great Blog. I add this Post to my bookmarks.

BeeddeReex November 28, 2010, 6:57 PM

You certainly deserve a round of applause for your post and more specifically, your blog in general. Very high quality material

BeeddeReex November 28, 2010, 6:57 PM

Great Blog. I add this Post to my bookmarks.

結婚紀錄 December 6, 2010, 4:12 AM

Such a well written post.. Thnkx for sharing this post !! Also you can check my 活動紀錄 !

gaby December 9, 2010, 7:19 PM

Muy bueno tu blog, te felicito! En Argentina algunas veces se hace complicado ver web blogs como el suyo. Nuevamente gracias!

Back to top >>