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Taking Marriage Advice from Oprah

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All of this marriage and cheating heartache that is swirling around struck home with me while I listened to my sweet friend's woes of how her marriage was falling apart.

couple dreaming of oprah

Leigh Koechner: My heart broke for her because I knew she loved her husband. As I tried to think of the exact thing she needed to hear at that moment, my good friend Oprah popped into my mind.

I had just been listening to her XM channel. I turn it on when I am in my office minivan -- van without children. I drive a minivan and I am proud of it! (Not really, but when I cried to my husband that I should be in a Range Rover instead of a gosh-darn minivan when we went from two to four kids because "I bleach my hair, exercise five times a week, and care about my earthsuit. What the hell will I do in a minivan?")

He said, "Drive."

He reminded me how I had been so excited to have kids and now I have them. "When you drive a minivan you are saying, I did it. I am doing it. Look at that car as a badge of honor."

After his pep talk I did down dog, swallowed a glass of wine, then headed out to my minivan. I took out all of the dirty wet wipes, granola wrappers, and random toy pieces that I had never seen before. I wiped down the console and hung a string of fake pearls from the rearview mirror. Oh yeah, and put my favorite shade of Viva Glam lipstick in the side door.

All calls in my van are during pickup / drop-offs and while running errands, so they last about two to five minutes because our whole life is lived within a 5-mile radius. When I push the XM channel on, I know the universe is going to give me the exact message that I need to hear at that moment; sometimes it does.

I remembered I had heard Oprah talking about some relationship therapist in New York. "If you spent a day with him, not only would it change your marriage; it would change your life."

As I spoke to my friend on the phone, I told her about Oprah's magic marriage man and we looked it up online together. When I found it, I noticed that they were doing seminars in the Los Angeles area. As I read more about it, I thought, I want to do this with my husband. We have been married for 11 years, I love him, and want to be with him 'til the end. It is easy to be lax in love. It is easy to get tired or be stale. It is hard to be a great wife, friend, lover, writer, dreamer, entrepreneur, exerciser, wine taster, sister, volunteer, and mother -- especially mother. But above all of that, I want to stay connected to my husband. I want to love him like no one loves him in the world. I don't want to be complacent. I don't want to be bored or boring. I want to love his heart, appreciate him, and listen. Boy is it hard, and boy do I need help!

As I read online with my friend, I signed up. I don't want my husband one day to turn Tiger Woods on me. I don't want to fight with him and have tension in our home. I want to be happy.

We are going to the retreat in February! I can't wait to do the work. I am grateful for Oprah's XM channel; I am grateful for my friend who is struggling, and I am grateful for my minivan to help me put all of the pieces together.

Happy Holidays and c'mon February 2010!

next: I'm Friends with My Kids -- on Facebook
3 comments so far | Post a comment now
Erica December 7, 2009, 10:13 AM

Can you give the name of the therapist? I’m interested in contacting him as well; thanks!

Starlet  December 7, 2009, 12:26 PM

I love you Leigh! Thank you for your Momlogic. I have two girlfriends going through cheating husbands right now and I feel the same way as you. I too drive a minivan and also felt a Range Rover was more my style however, the universe has presented me with this car and these children, so you know what they say “chop wood, carry water.” Thank you for putting this out there. It’s always nice to connect with you!

Mollie December 7, 2009, 3:24 PM

Great advice, Leigh!

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