twitter facebook stumble upon rss

The Childless Bitch on Holiday Travel

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

I am about to get on a plane to travel cross-country. To plan for this painstaking day, I thought it would be appropriate to speak to the mothers of the world who will be joining me, along with their screaming, coughing, drooling children.

woman on a plane

Childless Bitch: Listen, I get it -- it's hard being a mom ... blah blah blah. Working down the hall from the momlogic offices, I hear it all the time. Fine. I get it. I definitely get that traveling has got to be the worst of all mommy duties. But face it -- you chose to have children, and now you are choosing to transport them.

I am just an innocent, single, non-disturbing airline passenger who, like you, had to pay a ridiculous price for an airline ticket. And let me be clear: I am not choosing to go on an exotic vacation with my three hot Italian boyfriends during this holiday time (a false sense of reality mommies often construct about life as a single person). Instead, I am being forced to join my quasi-loved ones in a small town on the opposite side of the country.

All I'm asking for is a little courtesy. None of us want to be trapped in an airport, stuck on a train, or tortured in traffic on the road. To make it a little easier on all of us, I have devised a quick list of Single Person-Friendly Traveling Rules for moms to keep in mind while traveling this weekend.

1. If you end up sitting next to me on the plane, you owe me a drink and/or an Ambien. Both are preferred.

2. Just because the terminal waiting area is carpeted does not mean this is your child's play room.

3. While you are on your cell phone and cannot hear your child, I can.

4. It's great that you find your child hilarious but ... no one else does.

5. Knowing you have to go through airport security with a gang of children, plan ahead. Don't look surprised to find out you have to remove all five pairs of shoes on all 10 of your children's feet. I manage to take my jewelry and belt off before getting to the front of the line. All I ask is, work it out.

6. If your son is over the age of 2, I don't want to see him leaving a women's restroom stall -- one which I surely will have to use.

7. Starbucks is a special place. The airport Starbucks, in particular, is no place for a child. Move it to McDonald's.

8. Just because you have a child in a middle seat does not grant you the right to take over my aisle seat.

9. Diapers should not be changed in places where I can watch it happen.

10. Last, but not least, please remember the Chili's To Go at the airport is a bar before anything else -- please be respectful.



next: Spread Budget-Friendly Holiday Cheer
26 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anon December 25, 2009, 10:46 AM

1. There’s coffee at McDonalds. Leave the rest of us in peace. It’s bad enough we have to hear your screaming brat on the plane.

2. Give the poor mother a hand? You’re the one who decided to have kids. It’s not our job to raise them, it’s yours. Do it yourself. If you can’t control or handle them, why should we?

3. A seven year old boy in the ladies room? So what? I agree kids are safer especially in a situation like this.

4. You’re offended? Too bad. It was your choice to have kids. Doesn’t mean the world revolves around you.

Lili December 25, 2009, 3:54 PM

When I was a child(two parents, five brothers, and a sister in addition to myself.) of the SEVENTIES…

We were not allowed to run wild or act a fool ANYWHERE, especially airports. Men TAKE YOUR SON to the bathroom with you. Women if you have to take your kid to the bathroom with you CLEAN UP AFTER HIM.

I’m with the blogger: being parents is not an excuse to have children that act like they belong in the damn zoo.

Hope He Pees On Your Seat :) March 18, 2010, 11:41 PM

Just curious… Son over traveling with single mother should do… what exactly?

JG July 2, 2010, 9:08 AM

Hilarious! Love it. Want to know what’s even funnier! Th typical MOMMY reactions! ROFL. I could sit with popcorn and watch this melee allllll day, but I have better things to do.

Led Lights For Psp Mod December 12, 2010, 12:35 AM

I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

2009 High School Senior Ideas January 6, 2011, 3:10 PM

If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.


Back to top >>
advertisement