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What's with Your Vegan Baby?

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I love my town, but the contest to get as natural and close to the earth as possible is making it Crazytown.

child eating broccoli

Katie Wisdom Weinstein: We have loads of hipster doofus parents making vegan babies. I know, I know, is there anything cuter than a skinny baby with a lil' case of rickets? Those sweet little yellow teeth come in and the little cute weaklings take over the world. Please.

I respect an adult's choice. If you want to guzzle soy milk and chow down on grain patties -- dude, that is all you. If you want to call your baby Lotus and decorate cookies with crushed cochineal beetles, be my guest.

Hey! I am into non-toxic. I promise not feed my kids the new Zhu Zhu poisonous hamster. I am not into corn syrup laden goodies, or frozen steakcicles. Hey! Woa! I do love the environment, and we do our best to combat energy consumption, waste and wanton meat eating. But, my kids are shrimps, so, from day one, getting enough proteins and vitamins was a huge concern. No vegan babies for us. And do not get me started on the uber-Christian Hallelujah diet. That's right, you far left-wing liberal vegans, you. You share some oddly similar traits with this group of neo-Christian zealots.

Portland people really make it look fun, though. It is a vegan blowout here -- grocery stores, restaurants, food carts and t-shirts. No more "I'm with Stupid" t-shirts, these are "Soy Cheese Forever" numbers, screen printed with eco-non animal dye, proclaiming their superior status over us heathen (gasp!) Omnivores. I am not sure how all these hipster vegans would feel if all these specialty stores went out of business, though. Kinda hard to maintain the strict veganism without the neighborhood co-op or Whole Foods. What would you talk about so loudly in the coffee shop? I am not sure I have met a modest vegan.

But I digress. Let's visit the Vegan Child's future. The lunch table? Ouch. Does the lil' Veg' look longingly (but kinda low, with the weak neck muscles) at all the kids who get to drink that thick, viscous, chocolate milk? Will they go to a playdate and accidentally cram a Twinkie in their mouth and think they have gone to heaven? Will they slather their sliced apples with honey when no one is looking? Will little Lotus eventually get the idea that everyone else is eating luxurious, melt-in-your-mouth, REAL CHEESE? Yes, yes and YES.

I know no parent wants to even wants to think about their kids taking drugs, but I am pretty sure that after smoking a little pot, those vegan teens are not craving alfalfa biscuits. No, Honey, they want Cheetoes, pizza and chocolate cake. Me too.

All right, all right. You can raise your baby any ol' way you want and I will do the same, but admit it, my meaty baby would beat the snot out of your vegan baby, yeah? "We strong meat eaters. We crack egg and laugh in face of dead baby chicken."

What? I can't hear you, I have a mouthful of dead animal. Oh stop. Don't even comment. I know that if you are a vegan and you are raising your child vegan, you all think I am a cavewoman anyway. You should come to Portland and have a real good ol' Vegan Rally.

next: Celeb Moms Love Fraggle Rock
52 comments so far | Post a comment now
Chrissy December 12, 2009, 9:00 PM

First off what the heck is a “professional modern momma”? Who came up with that??? Does that mean there are “unprofessional modern mommas”?
Secondly, there are certain foods that a child under 5 shouldn’t consume in a vegan diet, ie soy.
But I rather my kid eat veggies than twinkies and fast food pizza.

cait December 13, 2009, 6:13 PM

I can’t stop laughing, except for long enough to wonder if those Vegan babies are allowed to breast-feed. You know, what with that milk and all. Have they figured out any way to mutate their breasts into ones that are soy-producing ?

PKS December 17, 2009, 1:41 PM

Here’s the crux of Katie’s post: “I have never met a modest vegan.” Guess what, me neither. People who take themselves too seriously deserve to be ribbed. Vegans, we don’t hate you, (quite the contrary, the world would be better off with more vegans) we’re just tired of your narcissistic, self-righteous blathering.

xoxo December 21, 2009, 4:29 PM

you dont crave things you’ve never eaten & just because you don’t eat pus and blood in your food doesn’t make you weak. you are supposed to force your views on children, you are adults and they are children. adults don’t look both ways before they cross the street or wear seatbelts yet make their kids do it.
we’ve evolved to eat animals? so we were never supposed to? huh your right people wouldn’t become disgustingly fat unless that is punishment for eating the wrong things

Corinna January 3, 2010, 9:25 PM

Ignorance. Plain and simple ignorance. No I am not vegan however from this article it is clear that you are uneducated in veganism and extremely bitter.

Robert  January 3, 2010, 9:51 PM

Force feeding your toddlers dead animals is child abuse in my opinion.

Amber January 3, 2010, 9:54 PM

We ALL choose what to feed our children, and what lifestyle to give them until they are old enough to make up their own mind.

I feel the difference is, vegans have to defend this choice to everyone around them and deal with ignorance such a this.

Shame on you.

Midwest Vegan Mom January 3, 2010, 10:19 PM

This is one of the worst articles I’ve ever read. Being a freelance writer myself, I rarely diss other writers’ work but this is just plain crap. This so-called writer is trying to assert her superior status by degrading others. (Maybe it’s just a Portland thing?) Grow up and ditch the cliches (and if you’re trying to be funny, get some original material).

May your children turn vegan and resent you for writing such pathetic drivel. And as for vegans being hippie “hipster doofuses”? Keep in mind you’re the one who named your child “Skylar.”

And may you continue on your quest to degrade, ridicule and shame parents (and children) who want to make the world a better, more peaceful place.

Rita January 4, 2010, 1:23 AM

Oh good God people get over yourselves!!!

I don’t think meat-eaters or vegans are force-feeding their children anything. Children usually eat what’s given them, but of course they’re bound to name some foods “yucky!” Lol

My 2 1/2 year old son loves to eat almost anything, including cheese, chicken nuggets, steak, potatoes, pasta, but at Gamma’s birthday party he wrinkled his nose at the beautiful cake and wanted a fruit cup instead. I’m a junk food eater but that was awesome!!!

And no I’m not fat either. No one in my family is. All foods are ok in moderation, as long as you balance it out with healthy food and exercise!!!

Looking for Laughs January 4, 2010, 11:08 AM

Midwest Vegan Mom, 2 comments up- you sound REALLY angry. Maybe you should not take yourself so seriously, or this blogger either. It was kind of funny and all these comments really reveal the secret: bring in more readers to MomLogic. It seems to be working.

Lily in SF January 4, 2010, 11:16 AM

Why are all the people who are mad at this writer thinking she is fat? It is like 10th grade, when one girl really wanted to hurt another girl’s feelings, she called her “fat”. Weird.

Maynard January 9, 2010, 12:40 AM

Okay, this is hilarious!! To those who are so offended, drink some milk and grow a backbone. Maybe not the best way to start my response.

What I mean to say is: sure, there are at least two sides to every story. This is Katie’s and it’s amusing and, in my opinion, pretty spot on. She has a very real concern for the health of childeren. They need certain foods for proper brain development, muscle and bone growth, etc. Talk to nearly any pediatrician and they’ll give you a similar story to Katie’s (except less entertaining). It is very difficult to get kids the nutrients they need when on a vegan diet and I seriously doubt that the majority of parents raising their kids as such are getting it right… it’s just not recommended.

That said, yes, raise your kids how you’d like. Allow members of society to be concerned when your kids look like gaunt, sunkin-in characters from a Tim Burton film.

Thank you Katie!! You are so fun to read.

Anna February 16, 2010, 10:21 AM

My mom tried to force me into the whole vegan life style as a young kid. When I started school my mom even gave my teachers a list of foods that I am not aloud to eat. That didn’t last long, I ended up having a fit over the fact that all the kids got oreos and milk and I didn’t.
I never liked meat though, and I still remain vegetarian, but not vegan.

Lyn February 20, 2010, 3:16 PM

Wow, how many times can bitter and jealous come out in one article? This author is dying to be vegan!!

martabs March 8, 2010, 1:02 PM

omg.. i just went vegan 2 months ago.. i have never felt stronger.. so i think you are wrong about a meat eater beating a vegan.. have you seen all the professional athletes that are vegan?

ZZim March 8, 2010, 2:28 PM

“my meaty baby would beat the snot out of your vegan baby”

Nice, lol. Thanks for the laugh. I kinda feel bad for the weak little undernourished ones.

Casey March 18, 2010, 4:15 PM

Veganism is the best thing you can do for the planet and your health. Do you have any idea what’s in the meat you feed your kids to be “strong”?

bella April 27, 2010, 12:22 AM

You come off sounding so angry, bitter and defensive, it’s hard to get past the majority of the article. Stooping to personal insults to compensate for your lack of scientific knowledge is a tactic of ignorance. Ever heard of Dr. Spock? You know, famous baby doc? He advocated a post-weaning, plant-based diet for children but who can hear the experts over the sound of your own self-righteousness?

As for “letting kids make those decisions when they are adults” do you wait until your kids are adults to teach them other values of yours like your religion or other beliefs? Oh, wait, that just applies to the things you disagree with. And why should vegans “lighten up”? So they can better stomach the insults of the misinformed?

Taneka April 30, 2010, 11:11 AM

I want the last five minutes of my life back. I hope you’re not teaching your children to be as hateful and intolerant as you.

vegan mamma June 1, 2010, 12:22 PM

Wow. The under nurished gaunt looking vegan kids are the reason Vegan parents need to defend their lifestyle.

I am vegan and raising my daughter vegan. I have never felt healthier and fitter since I went vegan and my daughter’s growth and development is astonishing.

She’s consistenly been in the 85th percentile for growth, and has great communication skills. At 9 months old she is near walking, calling my hubby and myself mama and dada, and even calls auntie and uncle by name. she has sign language for the words she cant quite pronounce yet.

and she’s never had a problem holding her head up.

also, breastmilk is not an animal product…its HUMAN milk…made for HUMANS. Unlike Cow’s milk, which is made to nurish calves.

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