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Stop Adding 10 Years to Your Face!

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Ladies, it's time to embrace aging as a lifestyle choice!

woman eating snack

JJ Virgin: Ladies, listen up. You're adding 10 years to your face without even trying. As an expert in nutrition with a Ph.D., I want to point out all the ways in which you are subconsciously stepping into a time machine that takes your kisser many years down the road.

If you want to continue looking 10 years older, keep doing the following:

1. Snack and have six to eight small meals each day. It's a great way to make sure you always keep on that extra 10-30 pounds, which means you'll get that little sag around your chin that seems to droop every year just a little bit further south. Make sure to eat your 100-cal snack packs because they'll do the job! Plus, snacking suppresses your human growth hormone, which makes you look annoyingly younger.

2. Drink tons of Cosmos and other mixed drinks. You could also use some sugary drinks in your system. Make sure to avoid a glass of pinot noir, which is an anti-aging pretty drink. Stick with the high fructose corn syrup cranberry juice cocktails.

3. Tell your husband NO in the bedroom. Don't have sex, because it is a great way to lower your stress hormones and boost your mood. Put on the granny nightgowns or old sweats and go to sleep early.

4. Walk for an hour a night. Don't complain that you never see results even when you walk for longer and longer periods of time. Avoid any burst exercise training because it will get your de-aging human growth hormone to kick in.

5. Don't make sugar your enemy. So what if it causes glycation and oxidation of your skin and ups your insulin production? It tastes good and you need it.

6. Skip that green tea. You don't want any antioxidants floating around your system. Stick to diet cola and coffee with cream, sugar, whipped cream, and a drizzle of chocolate sauce.

7. Use whatever oil is the cheapest. Forget these dumb recent studies. You don't need extra virgin olive oil or coconut oil. Use that deep yellow stuff like your mother did.

8. Hang out with stressed-out people who complain. There's nothing better than absorbing someone else's stress, because you're just too calm and don't have enough of it in your own life. Right?

Or ... you could choose to do the opposite of ALL of the above and look 10 years younger, glowing, and impossibly gorgeous. You decide!

next: Resolving to Take Me as I Am
50 comments so far | Post a comment now
whiter teeth March 31, 2011, 8:46 PM

Thanks for the helpful info. Great stuff! I most often do not comment on these but I thought you did a actually good job and I’m sure others feel the exact same.

Giuseppe Vanhoose April 2, 2011, 11:48 AM

Hello! thank you for the good writing style. Keep it up!

Tia Garlett April 3, 2011, 3:46 AM

Thanks for shaking things up. Cant wait to visualize them all!

Oda Stratos April 4, 2011, 1:01 AM

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Lonnie Garmoe April 6, 2011, 4:21 AM

Superb post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Thank you!

Dino Cicalese April 6, 2011, 3:33 PM

While this topic can be very vexed for most people, my view is that there has to be a middle or common ground that we all can find. I do value that you’ve added pertinent and intelligent commentary here though. Very much thanks to you!

Kent Chittenden April 6, 2011, 4:33 PM

You have noted very interesting points ! ps tight web web site here.

Ayanna Agular April 7, 2011, 7:50 AM

Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!

Frankie Filimaua April 8, 2011, 3:30 AM

I’d must check with you here. Which isn’t something I often do! I enjoy reading a put up that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!

Anton Hirtz April 9, 2011, 4:01 AM

Very Nice website. I recently engineered mine and i was looking for some concepts and you gave me a number of. may i ask you whether or not you developed the web site by youself ?

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