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Being a Mom Makes Me Fat

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If you are not the least bit chubby and you are a mom, pick up your right foot and stomp it down REAALLY hard on your left ... there ... I feel better!

Woman eating french fries

Michelle Kemper Brownlow: I'm going to try to solve this mystery.

Imagine you're out to lunch with friends. The waiter comes, and this is what ensues ...

"I would like crushed teddy grahams and warm grapes -- could you add a little couch fuzz to those grapes? Thanks.

"Then I will have the cold grilled cheese ... hold the middles, please, I really only like the crust. With extra milk dripped on to make them nice and soggy. Thanks.

"Dessert: I am going to try the PB & Fluff on graham crackers. And, could you lick some of the Fluff from around the corners to 'neaten' them up? And a big glass of warm milk with floaters."

Chubby Mom Solution = WE EAT THEIR LEFTOVERS!

But isn't it typical mom-stress that keeps us stuffing our faces?

Case in point ... I found the cutting boards UNDER the couch cushions. Did I crave fresh fruit salad or a SONIC burger?

The day my toddler shaved his nose, did my stomach call out for eight lightly salted almonds or an eight-layer chocolate cake?

Do you see where I am going with this? It's all about STRESS!!

Cindy Crawford was on "The View" and mentioned how after two kids, she doesn't dance in a bikini for her husband anymore. She could dance in a bikini INSIDE my left pant leg!!

Sigh ...

I am off to start dinner. I am thinking extra cheesy enchiladas, corn cake and pico de gallo, a side of chips and guac, and an 8-layer chocolate cake a leaf of lettuce and an apple.

Here's to me! Chubby moms ROCK!

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8 comments so far | Post a comment now
Jenny January 16, 2010, 7:32 AM

Ouch, my foot hurts now… that being said I used to be a chunky monkey mom. It’s all about finding new outlets for your stress, educating yourself about what is in most of that food (after you find out you probably won’t want your kids to eat it either)

I’m not perfect, there are days when I eat ALL of the cookies instead of just one or two but its about balance.

Karen Bannan from NaturalAsPossibleMom January 16, 2010, 12:10 PM

I took my shoes off before I stomped so I wouldn’t get hurt.

You are going to hate me when I say this, but maybe you want to re-think what you are making for dinner. Make more veggies and lean protein for the kids, that’s fewer carbs to “clean up” afterward.

I am a mom, too. With two kids. I have stress, but I “self-medicate” by going to the gym. I found a few classes I love, and I do them religiously. It’s not enough to just set a date to go to the gym. You actually need to find something you love, and that might take a while. I always hate it when people tell other people to go to the gym, but don’t explain that you need to love what you’re doing so you’ll stick with it.

Anyway…I also think that if you set a goal to completely get rid of all fast foods in your diet and anything that contains high fructose corn syrup, you’re going to end up eating a lot less crap, too. I know, I know, you didn’t ask, and I have a lot of nerve telling you what you didn’t ask, but you don’t have to be chubby. Unless you want to be.

Nicole Marie January 16, 2010, 4:38 PM

Haha, that reminds me so much of my mother. I can’t eat my child’s leftovers yet, all he eats is baby food. But my mother was and still is the Queen of leftover eating. I thought it was just her, but I think I might be a member of the club one day.

abbi January 17, 2010, 8:37 AM

i’m not going to say this many more times,
so here it goes.
for all you lazy fatties out there:
JILLIAN MICHAELS 30 DAY SHRED it’s one 20 minute workout a day.
that’s it. can you put down the DELICIOUS spitted-on couch-grapes to pull that off?

I use this video everyday, and my body is tight and awesome! i’m so stoked and my legs and shoulders look amazing, nevermind my abs!

Oh, and download it too, there you go, fit for free.
Thank me later when you’re finally giving your husband satisfying sex with an attractive woman again.

Mary January 18, 2010, 10:02 AM

Abbi, you are mean and nasty….

Laura January 19, 2010, 10:06 AM

Actually, with two kids under 5, I find it hard to keep the weight on. Between lifting the kids, taking walks, dancing in the playroom, and running around at the park, there is no shortage of exercise. And there is barely time enough to eat my own food, let alone their scraps (of which there are few—they eat a lot). During meals, I’m up and down 5 times getting seconds, more drinks, fallen utensils and the sort. After 30 minutes of dining, the remainder of my meal doesn’t seem so appetizing. Nor is it appetizing after changing a diaper or wiping someone’s bum mid-meal. I’m finding that kids are the best weight loss program around! Sorry it hasn’t worked out the same for you. Maybe you should re-think your desire to finish food off of everyone else’s plate. Or, try making smaller portions for your kids and healthier stuff just for you? Seems like there should be an easy fix for this problem…

Holly January 19, 2010, 11:51 AM

Great, now I want an eight-layer chocolate cake.

Kathy January 20, 2010, 4:15 PM

LOL! I do eat my kids leftovers! Stomping on foot now…………

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