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I Lost My Virginity to My Baby Daddy

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I can't say I'm looking forward to the birds and the bees talk with my daughter, but I'm not dreading it with the same ulcer-inducing fear that some parents face.

Family sitting in the couch

Jeanne Sager
: I've got an ace in the hole -- literally.

I've only had sex with one man. And seeing as her conception was anything but immaculate, that makes my "first" and my "baby daddy" one and the same.

Don't worry, my santi-mommy act has never been good. So I'm not going to tell you I made some major sacrifice that elevates me above you. I just had good timing.

I met my husband to be when I was 14, started dating him at 16. Fast forward another few years, and we got married. Now here we are, about to celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary with a four-and-a-half-year-old daughter at home.

According to a poll currently going on over at LilSugar, I'm not as much of an anomaly as I once thought. The results are neck and neck -- with women who lost their virginity to the father of their child(ren) at 49 percent, women who had more than one bite at the apple at 51.

No surprise -- most of us married our high school sweethearts. A common practice from our parents' days, it's still alive and well and turning out happy marriages.

But contrary to myth, we weren't all 16 and pregnant. Most of us were sexually active long before the baby came along. I didn't even know we'd end up parents -- our first official date took place in a restaurant bearing the name "Tilly's," a moniker that prompted a discussion of what kind of person gives their kid a hooker name. Parenting, we'd decided, was just weird.

And then we became weird. We decided to start trying for a baby four years into marriage. Our fifth wedding anniversary was our last as a family of two.

Another hard truth -- it's not always a guarantee that things will work out. One friend who followed the same path (started dating him at 16, now has her own four-and-a-half-year-old), has struggled with a separation from her husband in part because she has never experienced any other sexual relationship. Sex may be old hat, but sometimes it leaves you feeling like you ARE an old hat. Even in a rock solid marriage, it has given me pause at times.

And now for the rubbing it in that you've all been waiting for -- I still can't help considering myself dazzling, perhaps freakishly, lucky. I met my best friend when I was 14. I've been married to him for nine and a half years, and we have a daughter we equally dote on and sometimes spoil.

I found the kind of guy who would end up making a wonderful father right out of the starting gate, and I held on tight. You can't make stuff like this up.

And for that terrifying sex talk, I won't have to. I can look my kid square in the eyes and tell her, "Save yourself for someone you truly love. I did. He's sitting on the other side of the table."


next: Pre-Baby Boobs Without Surgery!
76 comments so far | Post a comment now
Heather February 23, 2010, 6:10 PM

This is sweeeet!

Anonymous February 23, 2010, 6:11 PM

Wonderful article! I’m happy to see that you are so lucky - not everyone is. I’m still with the same man I lost my virginity to (high school sweethearts, of course) and we’re planning to get married soon. I’m hoping to have the same luck as you!

LC February 23, 2010, 6:57 PM

This is a pretty good article, but you seem a bit apologetic… like it was odd to have only slept with one person and you are sorry you aren’t like everyone else.

I was 31when I got married and had sex for the first time - I consider myself lucky in that i saved myself for the *right* person. I met him when I was 28… I’m NOT sorry I waited nor do I need to explain the way you did.

Anonymous February 24, 2010, 8:29 AM

If you married him, what are you worried about? It’s not like she was the product of a one night stand.

Anonymous February 24, 2010, 10:19 AM

I find the term “baby daddy” extremely offensive. Especially when used by a white person that wants to be soooo liberal and show everybody how “egalitarian” she is: it’s like “see. I like black people so much, I even talk like them.” Speaking that way, if you’re white, just makes you look like a damn fool.

gina94984 February 24, 2010, 10:19 AM

Did your baby daddy lose his virginity to you? I am so tired of women seeming to be the one who has the onus of purity, which, in the great scheme of things, is an arbitrary and ultimately frivolous standard. btw, i married my baby’s daddy and he was the first man i slept with, and i don’t consider that a huge accomplishment.

Lisa February 24, 2010, 11:35 AM

Wow Anonymous, you take offense to the term “baby daddy” when used by a “white person”? That’s funny because the writer of this article looks African American to me. As an African American, mixed, but still African American - I too married my baby’s daddy. Happily married for 12 years! Love the article!

Anonymous February 24, 2010, 11:49 AM

I am african american and I also find the term “baby daddy” and “baby momma” offensive. In conversation, if I am discussing my husband, I will use the proper word to identify the FATHER of my children.That is the proper word. FATHER. I was educated in this country and I know how to speak english. I will not contribute to the negative image that african americans have in this country, the image that we are stupid, uneducated, unable to express our ideas as effectively as any other person, whatever their ethnicity may be.

Ingrid A.M. Shourds-Shannon February 24, 2010, 5:36 PM

she didn’t seem apologetic at all to me! I thought she seemed proud! & she should be! I think it’s great that she can tell that to her daughter some day!…I wish I could!

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tennmom February 25, 2010, 11:34 AM

My late-husband, the father of my daughters, was my first and I’m proud of it. I would hate the idea of having sex with a man I didn’t stay with.
I’m also proud of the fact that my current husband is only my second sexual partner. September 2, 2010, 1:11 AM


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