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I'm Worried About My Teen Having Sex

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While I adore my teen's latest squeeze, I have to admit that I am worried about whether or not they're doing the deed.

teenagers making out

Bruce Sallan: My 16-year-old son has had a girlfriend going on six months now, and they're going strong. She's terrific, and so is her family. She and my son seem locked at the hip; they've even managed to avoid the common mistake of "first love" by maintaining their existing friends and not drooling over each other ad nauseum.

However, they're holding hands all the time, and when I open my son's door (I knock before entering), they're often on his bed together, clearly enjoying each other's company.

Since I'm the dad to the boy in this scenario, I have to admit that my latent sexist leanings do surface. I'm less concerned about my son having sex than about him telling me (so I can vicariously relive my failed teen years). But seriously: I am concerned, and I do worry about if/when. Or has he had sex already?

My son's girlfriend's mom swears that she's talked with her daughter and there's no way they've done "it" yet. My son says the same thing. Frankly, my only worry is that they don't get emotionally hurt by having sex too soon. And since boys tend to have less emotional attachment upon having sex, I don't want my son pushing for it unless he truly cares about his girlfriend.

I think my son and his squeeze really do care for each other, and I'd like to believe that they'll wait till the time is right. I also want to believe I've taught my son the values and morals that go along with treating a woman with respect and doing the right thing. We'll see. After all, what do I know? I'm just a guy.

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8 comments so far | Post a comment now
Denise February 24, 2010, 12:00 PM

Kids will be kids. You just gotta pray they don’t mess up! Love your blogs Bruce (as you know by now).

Divorce to Happiness February 24, 2010, 12:51 PM

I have a teenage boy also, and he now has a girl that he really likes. I have tried really hard to explain, how men are to treat woman. He did not have a good role model, so it is kind of scary for me. So far he seems to be great with her, but I do worry. Like Denise said, we can only pray now that we have formed that good base for them to go off of. And love them unconditionally, I know they will mess up they are kids, but hopefully it won’t be to bad. Thanks for you blog, I look forward to reading more.

kirsten Wildman February 24, 2010, 1:46 PM

Just a mom here! Hoping the same thing, and keeping lines of communication open. I’m in the same boat as you hoping my teen daughter makes the right choices. I’ve given her all the info she needs and I believe she will wait until the time is right and the necessary protection is in place. I thank God he treats my daughter with great respect. A mother couldn’t have asked for a better first love!

toywithme February 25, 2010, 2:24 PM

I have a 17 year old daughter so I understand your concerns, from the flip side. All we can do as parents is educate, sprinkle a little fairy dust, hold our breath & hope that we penetrated their one track minds with some common sense.

Matt February 28, 2010, 6:33 AM

Kids will be kids. You just gotta pray they don’t mess up! Love your blogs Bruce (as you know by now).
- Denise

OR you could not be a rube and behave like a parent by giving them sound advise and educating them in the fashion of an enlightened, intelligent species of ape that you are…you know, communication and all?

David April 2, 2010, 12:30 PM

I hope son and girlfriend are responsible. Up to and including “second base,” I’d say nothing to be concerned about … chalk it up to experimenting and hormones. As soon as the “play” becomes “stealing third,” though — never mind “rounding third and heading home” — you have something to keep you up at night as a parent.

Kelly October 30, 2010, 9:51 AM

This is a serious issue and should be talked about with your teen children. Sometimes they feel left out when other kids are having sex, and they might feel bad if they can’t lose weight, or have not friends and try to make up for it. Belly After Pregnancy

aspergers syndromes symptoms November 15, 2010, 4:27 PM

found your site on today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later

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