How does one keep the love and the sex going strong after having two kids, running a clothing business and doing all the other jobs and such?
Lisa Rinna: Love is one thing and sex another. What do they have to do with me, you ask? Well, I have been married for 13 years now, and Harry and I have been together for almost 18 -- which I guess is like 150 in Hollywood years.
How does one keep the love and the sex going strong after having two kids, running a clothing business and doing all the other jobs and such? Well, first of all, I have always believed that love is a very mercurial thing. People fall in love and out of love, but for us, I think love has grown over the years. I'm not sure about love at first sight; I believe more in lust at first sight -- which I certainly had with my husband.
Eighteen years later, I'm still incredibly attracted to Harry -- and I feel very lucky about that. I had a relationship at one point in my life where I wasn't very attracted to the person really from day one, and I just thought that that's what happens after awhile: You fall out of love and you are no longer sexually attracted to the person, and that's just the way it goes.
That notion changed drastically when I met my husband. I was sexually attracted to him right off the bat. (Duh! I mean, who wouldn't be?!) The good news is, our sex life gets better as the years go by. I swear it really does!
I wish I had a magic formula I could share with you, but I just don't. I think Harry and I just got really lucky -- lucky that we met each other at the time that we did. I think we are soulmates (as kooky as that may sound). I mean, we are total opposites; the saying may really be true that "opposites attract." We don't have anything in common really, yet we respect one another and put each other and family first.
What I can tell you is that you have to make a big effort to keep the weeds from taking over the garden, so to speak. You have to make time for yourselves as a couple by scheduling date nights, sex nights. Yes, sex nights: Nights where you actually plan on having wild and crazy sex! I think we all get so busy, and then we get so tired that the sex just goes right out the window.
Remember back when you were in your 20s, and sex was all it was about? It was fun, and it felt good and you could do it all night long, right? What happened to that?! Well, my feeling is that it's still there buried deep down inside you. You just have to rediscover it!
How, you ask? That's your homework, my friends. You need to really think about what turns you on (or used to turn you on). What special moments do you love to have with your partner? The answer can be anything, as long as it's between two consenting adults. So go for it!
If you're feeling like you've lost that lovin' feeling, you may need to just take a leap of faith -- or you may need to jump-start your mojo. Whatever you do, do something, because sex is important in a relationship. I believe the connection it brings is like no other. Remember how good it feels!
So go out this Valentine's Day and do something romantic with your partner. Do something outside the box! Shake the trees! Mix it up! You only have one life, so go out there and really live it!
Now back to love. I think love is the most important word -- and emotion. If we all breathed in love and exhaled love on a constant basis, imagine how different the world would be! I think it really is all about love! The more you love, the more you will be loved. The love I feel for my husband and children is beyond words.
All you need is love. Love makes the world go 'round. Tell your loved ones that you love them every day! Find a way to love yourself. Write down all the the things that you love, and treat yourself to them. Surround yourself with love.
I love my husband and I am darn lucky and very blessed. I think the key is to always look on the bright side; it's so easy to get negative and start to devalue your partner after you've been together for years. We must fight against that. Find the good in your partner, make an effort, put your attention on him, give to him, do things to make him happy. So often we get consumed with finding ways to make ourselves feel good. If you focus on making your partner happy, it will make you happy -- I promise you that!
There's one more thing I want to add about sex: Men love it. They love to get pleasure. It's really that simple. If you want to make your partner happy, then go there! Go there a lot. I'm telling you: Not only will you get whatever you want, you'll almost always have a happy man on your hands (so to speak). I know that giving oral sex turns a lot of you off, but you can get creative with your hands, too, ladies. It's quick and easy; just add a little lotion and voila: happy man! Trust me, it will change your relationship and your life!
Happy Valentine's Day!
|With her exotic looks, prodigious talent, infectious energy and savvy business acumen, Lisa Rinna has become one of the most recognizable faces in Hollywood. A native of Medford, Oregon, and a fitness fanatic, she loves outdoor activities, yoga, skiing and tennis. Lisa resides in Los Angeles with her husband, actor Harry Hamlin, and two daughters.|