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My Tween Likes a Boy with Green Hair

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Ack! I have no idea how to respond.

boy with green hair

Kristin Bailey Murphy: I'm sure you more seasoned parents out there have gone through this, but for me it's a first: My 9-year-old daughter has a crush. And to be honest, it's on a boy I wouldn't have chosen for her. I know, I know: What boy could ever live up to a parent's expectations for her daughter? But this kid -- prepare yourself, now -- has green hair. GREEN HAIR. I can't believe my daughter's school would allow a student to have hair this color, but it does, and my daughter apparently thinks it's cool. Am I being snooty? Or just worried my daughter's not more like me?

My first crush, aside from having the unfortunate name "Jimbo," was the bee's knees. He had a blond bowl cut, blue eyes and a singular snaggletooth that he disliked -- but I loved. He also wore Polo button-downs and Docksiders, and killed it on a pair of roller skates. I had feelings for this kid, and the fact that he thought I was a dork didn't make him any less dreamy. So forgive me if I don't get how a child of mine is crushing on someone so ... out there.

My husband thinks I'm being unfair and, as usual, overreacting. But if experience has taught me anything, it's that some stereotypes exist for a reason. (Google "Sid Vicious" and "mugshot" and you'll understand.) I see my husband's point, though, and to be fair, this kid does have other qualities I would have liked at that age: He can draw, he's a fast runner and he's read all the Harry Potter books twice.

Rationally I know that just because my daughter shares my DNA, that doesn't mean she's not her own person -- and it's her quirky side that makes her so incredible. But on an emotional level, I worry about her getting mixed up with the wrong people.

Of course, my husband says I'm worrying for nothing. He reminded me that one, it's only a crush, not a boyfriend; and two, had I forgotten? He used to have green hair, too.

next: Are Self-Help Dating Books Really Helpful?
20 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous Mom February 17, 2010, 8:02 AM

My little girl is a good kid, and she would love to have blue hair. She’s not rebeling, she just has quirky tastes. I’m sure it’s the same with this boy - I mean, his parents had to approve of the hair color situation too. He’s not acting out, he’s expressing himself. And kudos to your daughter for liking someone who marches to his own beat.

Gail Cooke February 17, 2010, 8:23 AM

I don’t see a problem with it…heck, if I could get away with it at work, I’d do it.

Kristin February 17, 2010, 8:45 AM

Most of my friends are people with crazy colored hair, miss-matching contact colors and chains everywhere. I have never met people more caring and nice as these people. Stereotypes are horseshit. Sometimes they come true but mostly it’s all crap. This kid is an artist. Typically speaking, artists are a little more open to not molding to what society deems “normal”.

N February 17, 2010, 9:52 AM

Are you kidding, get over yourself. Lets look at reality most seriel killers and rapist look like the clean cut guy you like, and how often do you see a guy with green hair on the tv as a wanted fugitive, i’m going to go with practically never. Your just stuck up and i hope your daughter is smart enough not to listen to someone as ridicules as you!

abbi February 17, 2010, 10:43 AM

i’m a 28 year old college graduate with a full time good paying job in the career of my choice.
i haven’t been perfect, but i’ve been good to, and respected very much the people i’ve dated.
oh, and CURRENTLY at this very second, i have bright green hair.

Kendra February 17, 2010, 12:16 PM

Abbi, just curious — what “career of your choice” let’s you have green hair?

Anonymous Mom February 17, 2010, 12:37 PM

I’m wondering that too - I wouldn’t mind having neon hair myself! (Not green, but pink would look awesome on me!) Plus I need to know so my daughter has a career choice for her blue head of hair someday! ;-)

tennmom February 17, 2010, 1:44 PM

I have to vote “over reacting” there, mom.
My now 10 year old had a few bright red and green streaks put in her hair a couple of Christmases ago. The hairdresser said they would wash out in a month or so. They didn’t but it was no big deal. One of her classmate’s mom is a hairdresser. I don’t think that kid has had the same hair color for more than 3 months at a time since K-garten. Bright pink tips on her naturally dark hair is my favorite so far.
I’d rather my daughters “get it out of their systems” as tweens than wait until they are teens.

mercaties February 18, 2010, 2:24 AM

I cracked up when I read this. My daughter is also 9. She told me a few days ago that she wants to get one of those real short pixie hair cuts and dye her hair red and black! (she has gorgeous long curly auburn hair) Then today she asked me how old she had to be to get a tatoo! I’m all for personal freedom but she’s starting to scare me. LOL!!

MommaToNico February 18, 2010, 7:26 AM

“Stereotypes exist for a reason”? Wow… I seriously just lost a lot of respect for this writer. That’s just… wrong.

Anonymous February 18, 2010, 9:48 PM

I think it is totally fine, as long as the boy is nice. Who cares about the hair? The more fuss we make the more interesting the hair becomes.

Jessica February 19, 2010, 9:23 AM

Great post! I think I wanted to dye my hair purple when I was that age, and I’ve still managed to turn into a normal, well-adjusted adult. And at least he likes to read!

Anonymous February 24, 2010, 6:14 PM

My daughter has bright pink hair. Hair does not make the person. Kids dyeing their hair is a way of expressing who they are. It is no different than wearing clothes that are not the trend. People need to lighten up. My girl is smart, polite, artistic and a good student. SHe even poses for pictures when asked and get more positive comments than negative. The negative ones usually come from kids her own age, my opinion is jealousy, their parents won’t allow them to express themselves.

Anonymous March 30, 2010, 9:39 PM

This is from a guy who had green hair(and red hair, and purple hair, and played guitar in a punk band) I am currently working toward a PhD in Political Science, whats your McDreamy doing?

Anonymous April 4, 2010, 6:25 AM

Hahaha. Well, I’m not sure why a nine year old is allowed to have green hair. But I remember when I was 15 and brought home my first boyfriend… he was my age and was really sweet and polite… but he was 6’5”, wore a black trenchcoat, big combat boots, those pants with the chains, black fingernail polish, and had a mohawk. While yes my parents were a little bit shocked, they gave him a chance and saw past that. And now, as a college girl with hot pink hair and a nose ring dating a clean-cut preppy boy, I can say that appearances have nothing to do with what kind of people we are and who we fall for. Would you have such an issue if she was interested in a boy of a different race or something? It’s kind of the same thing. Funky appearances do not necessarily equal “bad” people.

Anonymous April 17, 2010, 11:17 AM

Your daughter is most likely joining into a dangerous sex cult that I have recently heard about. In this cult the children are taught how to have wild kinky sex by elder members of the cult (a la Sid Vicious esque folks as you mentioned). Then after they have been taught they are brought into the “punk rocker” look slowly at first by dying the hair but then later at a more extreme speed. It is highly likely that your daughter is this little boys sex kitten.

Anonymous Hottie July 13, 2010, 11:47 AM

Wow, mother! How in the hell do you know he can draw, he’s a fast runner, and that he read all the HP books (twice)? You’re either a pedophile cougar who wants his nuts and jealous of your daughter for having more of a chance with him, or are an immensely snoopy PTA mom with nothing going on in her life so you resort to getting all possible information out of an innocent 9 year old. “Women” like you need to seriously disappear!

draw people November 4, 2010, 7:46 PM

Tried using to digg your page but it keeps timing out… Odd I’ll attempt again later.

Olivia Storey November 15, 2010, 11:47 PM

Interesting post, I am going to put it on my blog

Courtney Hickey May 17, 2011, 4:33 AM

This is the most ridiculous post that i have ever seen. With everything else that parents (and kids) have to deal with on a daily basis, the thought that you are concerned because your daughter’s crush has green hair is appalling. That would be akin to me saying, “I don’t know what to do…my son’s girlfriend is black”. You should be teaching your children to judge people on their character, not on what they look like. Sheesh.

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