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Sex Education vs. Abstinence Smackdown

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This mom is not buying Planned Parenthood's B.S. for one minute.

Teenage couple

Homeschool Mom: Planned Parenthood has decreed that 10-year-olds have a fundamental right to be taught about contraception, to have comprehensive sex education, and also to be treated as sexual beings. It's their right, right? Now, I'm sure I'm not alone here in thinking that this is the most ridiculous thing I have read in a long time. But the scary thing is, some of you will absolutely agree with Planned Parenthood -- and those of you who do are probably not all pedophiles (who right now are rubbing their sweaty palms together in glee). Some of you just are misguided enough to think, "Kids are 'doing it' younger anyway, so why not prepare them for it?" I'll tell you why: Because it's not safe -- emotionally, physically or morally. It is not acceptable or beneficial in any way, shape or form for 10-year-olds -- or 14-year-olds, for that matter -- to be having sex.

I hear all the time that abstinence-only sex education doesn't work. People say there's been a rise in teen pregnancies, etc., and that abstinence-only sex ed is the reason why. "Look," they say, "Bristol Palin got pregnant, and she says abstinence-only sex education doesn't work." Well, I just want to point you all to a little study that says abstinence-only sex ed  is not the complete failure that people paint it to be. The study appears in the current issue of the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, and on Feb. 2, 2010, Ashley Hayes wrote about it on Hayes' piece reports that the study was conducted over a two-year period with African-American girls who averaged about 12 years in age. Two thirds of the girls who received abstinence-only sex education delayed having sexual intercourse within the two year period, while almost half the girls who received either abstinence-and-condom education or just condom education had intercourse in that same two-year span. So: Can you delay first-time sexual intercourse? It appears that you can. Can you make teen sex obsolete? Probably not -- but you can't make a lot of social problems obsolete. You can definitely make them less prevalent, though.

I believe that parents actively telling their kids "Don't have sex" goes a long way. It's the same with drug use: What's the biggest deterrent? Parents saying, "Don't do drugs." But telling a kid, "Well, having sex is normal when you're 14 or 12 or even 10 -- so use this and be safe" doesn't strike me as a way to curtail the unwanted behavior. Teen pregnancy is on the rise, along with sexually transmitted diseases -- and so is drug use, teen violence and teen suicide. So where does all that leave us? Do we say, "Well, let's teach them to use drugs safely," or "Let's teach them to kill themselves less lethally," or "Let's teach them to beat the snot out of each other in a safer way"? No. We say, "That is unacceptable and we don't want you to use drugs or kill yourself or hurt someone else."

So why is it so bad to say, "Don't have sex until you are in a committed, adult, legally binding relationship -- or at the very least, older"? I have a 14-year-old son who recently entered a private full-time high school, and I have told him, "You may not date until you are older." I informed him that while I cannot control his liking a girl or spending time in school with a girl he feels romantically attached to, I will not aid and abet any kind of romantic relationship. She is not coming over, he's not going to her house, there will be no movies, etc. I'm just not going there.

To a 14-year-old boy, girls are only a source of distraction and trouble -- so my son's pretty cool with my rule. His friends who do date have proven to him that I'm not talking smack. In fact, he has advised them, "You're better off waiting" -- because he has seen the drama that accompanies young teen romantic relationships. Maybe he won't wait until he's married to have sex. (I'd like him to, because I have seen couples in my church who did wait, and who now have extremely fulfilling and wonderful marriages.) But at the very least, I'd like to keep him safe while he's 14. I am not ready to give up the battle, as Planned Parenthood would like me to. We may not be able to eliminate teen sex, but maybe we can delay it -- and that is an improvement.

next: I Am NOT a Pregnant Teen!
28 comments so far | Post a comment now
renee February 16, 2010, 6:05 PM

i agree with u saying to kids “please wait” BUT they need to know if they are going to have sex; that they have a place to get protection and testing for std’s,pregnacy etc and if they dont feel comfortable discussing these things and getting them from their parents,that they have medical PROFESSIONALS, not other kids to get/discuss these things with.

Girl February 18, 2010, 5:47 AM

This “waiting for sex” idea is impractical. Years ago people got married at 13 and sex didn’t seem to harm them one bit. The real difference between today and 60 years ago, is that today kids are surrounded and bombarded with sexual imagery everywhere, and unwed pregnancy is commonplace and no longer frowned upon. Preach all you like, but make sure all your kids have birth control, “just in case”!

Melanie February 20, 2010, 8:49 PM

It’s scary to think of kids having sex that young. Really it is, but 10 is when their bodies start to change and it’s natural. I saw a movie that perfectly showed why you need to teach kids about safe sex. The movie was called “Everyone is doing it”. You can’t watch your kids all the time, you give them to tools to live their lives with, in this case safe sex. Your not telling them “Here have a box of condoms go have sex.” you’re acknowledging that there is a possibility that your child will have sex, and if they do you want them to be prepared. You don’t want them to come home with a disease or pregnant. You are the child’s parent, if you taboo the whole subject who are they supposed to turn to when they have a problem? It’s your job.

Anonymous February 23, 2010, 1:48 PM

They say sexual beings at 10, which is totally correct. what kid doesn’t start thinking about sex and masturbation at that age? By that time, I had been menstrating for a year and was having all these feelings i couldn’t describe. They should be educated on what sex is at this age and what concraception is. In fact, they should be told about sex much younger than ten so that they can be better aware of what is not good for an adult to be doing or saying to them. Understand, that when I was going through middleschool, in 2003, everyone was talking about sex—just not to the adults. But we weren’t doing it. In elementary school, sexual slurs were hurled at me by my classmates and I didn’t know what it meant. Kids raised in a sex education environment aren’t necessarily having sex. I waited until late hugh school and I made sure to have all the birth control taken care of because I had taken it upon myself to get educated at from a very early age.

For the record, I am 18, going to a four year university with a longterm monogamous relationship and no STD’s or children. I’d say that program was a success.

michelle March 2, 2010, 8:49 AM

“Homeschool mom,” I’m kinda worried about your kids’ education if you’re the one teaching them. You clearly took this story verbatim from the Fox News website, because they had their facts wrong in exactly the same way. Fox claimed (in its typically hysterical tone) that Planned Parenthood is demanding full information on sexuality for 10-year-olds. Well, I actually read the Planned Parenthood report in its entirety, and nowhere does it say what Fox is accusing it of saying. It mostly focuses on the general empowerment of adolescents in developing countries. Where it addresses sex education, it makes vague reference to “young people.” Go read it if you don’t believe me. Or is this not something you do in homeschooling?

Emma March 22, 2010, 4:55 PM

Here’s the way a 22 year old virgin sees it: Each kid is completely different. If you don’t want to talk to her when she’s ten, fine. Talk to her when she gets her first serious boyfriend, when she hits high school, or when she starts asking questions. But for goodness sake, talk to your kids about sex. If you don’t think your child should be gettin’ it on, tell her so! Whether it’s because of religion or concern about broken hearts, let your kid know how you feel. Ask for feedback. Ask her to talk to you when she starts thinking about sex. But tell her she has options. Let’s be real: The kids who are going to have sex will have sex no matter what you say, so you might as well explain things. The kids who aren’t going to have sex, won’t. And the kids who are undecided may be swayed not to, or might be more able to acknowledge their sexuality in a safe way, knowing their parents are there to support them.

Anonymous April 4, 2010, 6:34 AM

There is a huge difference between informing kids about safe sex and giving them the green light to go for it. Of course you should teach your kids abstinence if that’s what you believe in. But when it comes down to it, they are going to do what they want. My mom told me to wait until college at least, and her voice was in my head when I was with my boyfriend at age 15… and I went for it anyway. Because that was my decision. I respect parents watching out for their kids, and it’s horrifying 10 year olds are having sex, but you have to be realistic.

rapnsum May 6, 2010, 8:46 AM

Take a look at what Planned Parenthood was founded on - EUGENICS. Watch the documentary which exposes Planned Parenthood’s true agenda - it is called: Maafa21 and a preview of Maafa21 is available here - Http://

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