Well, another Valentine's Day has come and gone. For me, it was just another day to be reminded I am now 30 years old, single with no prospects in sight. Nice.
Ashlee Holland: It is also the anniversary of the end of my marriage. Four years ago on February 15, I filed for divorce. In hindsight, that day was clearly NOT the wisest day to file. Sharing that memory with Valentine's Day is painful -- to say the least.
But after the 14th, my marriage was indeed over.
When single, we always ask, "What is it about this day?" Every other day of the year we don't obsess over LOVE like we do on V-Day. At least I don't. There is something about THIS day that not only causes the color pink to become completely overrated and seemingly on steroids. It also somehow causes hidden emotions to start an unsolicited game of peek-a-boo. Not fun!
Every year I am reminded that Valentine's Day was THE day that I would no longer be a wife. While everyone else around me was celebrating new love, old love, self love ... I was realizing that I had NO LOVE, or so I thought.
Fast forward to 2010. Here I was, no romantic evening in sight, no guy to fantasize about and certainly no store-bought flowers or chocolates. Ironically, I was finally OK with that. Who would have thought!?!
For the first time in four years, I was at peace with being alone. I quickly stopped my "almost" pity party, ran to the store and bought myself one white rose, a bottle of wine and chocolate ice cream. Loving myself was the new goal.
I realized I had been waiting for someone, for years, to make me feel special. Why was I torturing myself? I was VERY capable of making everyone else feel important, loved and appreciated all of the time. Why could I not afford myself that same luxury? I have always been a giver, but not myself first. My son needs me to be whole ... I need me to be whole.
I cleaned my room, made my bed with fresh 800 thread count sheets, slipped on a sexy (yet comfy) nightgown and went to bed ... ALONE. I FINALLY was able to relax on this LOVE day knowing that I was going to be just fine.
I wrote out a whole new list of affirmations and decided I am only as important as I make myself. Yes, relationships are a blessing and being with someone, having someone is GREAT! But, for me, right now ... it is just not the season.
I've needed to learn this lesson for years and renew my life.
It did sting a bit, and was not a tear-free day, but I got through it. I am better from this solitude and plan on doing this A LOT MORE!!! What a release!
|Ashlee Holland, single mom of one and former actress on "Days of Our Lives," brings money and timesaving advice to momlogic.com. Ashlee's range of frugal and fabulous expertise helps moms find efficient and affordable ways to cut costs and stretch a buck. Ashlee's resourceful and innovative tips, combined with her infectious enthusiasm and tenacity, motivate anyone to survive and thrive.|