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Cheating: The Double Standard

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I had a problem with my best friend cheating on her husband, but I didn't take it personally until I found out that my husband was cheating on me.

Two woman talking

Flying Solo with Two Carry-Ons: I was out to dinner with Anne -- a very close friend of mine -- when of course the topic of our husbands came up. The theme of the night was that neither of us was happy due to various issues: My husband is an alcoholic and addicted to pillsAnne's husband is too controlling.

We dreamed about what our lives would have been like "if only...." Anne then told me that she had recently reconnected with a former boyfriend -- her first true love, to be exact. She said how she was planning a trip to visit her family and that he lived in a nearby city, so she was thinking about going to see him. She shared that she had never stopped loving him. Needless to say, I told her (very emphatically, might I add), "DON'T DO IT!"

She talked about how she'd gotten a prepaid phone to talk to him because she knew her husband would be jealous. She then shared that she'd even gotten some type of prepaid credit card to pay for a hotel room. Not that she was going to do anything, she told me. It was just because she would have to stay in the city if she wanted to be with him.

I could see that trouble was headed her way. I tried to talk her out of doing anything that would surely end in disaster for her, her husband and three children -- not to mention the guy and his wife and kids. Anne repeatedly assured me that she wasn't going to do anything.

To make a very long story short ... you guessed it: She had an affair. Not only did she have an affair, but she was already in the throes of it months before that night at dinner.

She realized it was a huge mistake and she broke it off, but it was too late. Anne's husband had his suspicions and was already checking her e-mails. Plus, she didn't always use that prepaid phone. He discovered the affair.

Anne's world came crashing down around her. She called me crying, looking to me for comfort. After getting out my share of, "I told you so," I was there to support her as she was trying to put her marriage back together.

In the midst of Anne's crisis, I was having one of my own. I decided to divorce my husband. He refused to get help and I just couldn't take it anymore. Once we separated and told family and friends about the divorce, my "friends" started sharing the fact that he had been cheating on me our entire marriage. Keep in mind, I was done with the marriage, and I had stopped loving him years earlier, but that didn't stop me from being pissed off.

My first instinct was to call Anne, which I did. She was consoling me and calling him every name in the book. Then it began to dawn on me: "Hey, wait a minute. I'm looking for comfort from a cheater."

She was one of my dearest friends, and suddenly I couldn't talk to her anymore. I mean really, what could she possibly say to me?

Then, of course, I felt like the hypocrite. I certainly had had no problem talking to her when she was cheating on her husband. I didn't think it was the right thing to do, but I certainly wasn't judging her, because after all, her husband was a controlling jerk and she was my friend. Then I thought: If he was the one cheating on Anne, I would hate him and call him names, just like Anne did for me. I certainly wasn't calling Anne names for cheating.

I still don't know what the answer is on this one, but if guys can say, "Bros before hoes," then I can say, "Chicks before...." (You fill in the rest.)

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2 comments so far | Post a comment now
guaranteed approval credit cards March 15, 2010, 1:26 AM

Prepaid credit cards really a big help for us.

Jay December 7, 2010, 6:20 PM

Women always have an excuse on why its ok for them to cheat. If Anne can cheat then so can her husband. He should do what U did - Get Rid of her.
A cheating woman is exactly the same as a cheating man.

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