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Don't Blame Mistresses!

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You might hate me for saying this, but let's get mad at the one who said, "'Til death do us part."

Michelle Bombshell McGee

Dr. Wendy Walsh: Not so long ago, women who had sexual relationships with men who were legally bound to other women were considered social outcasts. Our language clearly illustrated the sexual double standard that existed: While he was a gentleman who "stepped out" on his marriage, she was a whore, slut or home-wrecker (as if he had never laid hands on the wrecking ball himself). My favorite terms for the "other woman" are "mistress" and "kept woman," because they, at least, imply some outlay of financial resources indicative of an emotional connection.

In cultures throughout history, our complicated human social structures have always made room for extramarital affairs. During the sexual repression of Victorian England -- where a high-status woman faced scandal if even an ankle were exposed -- the brothel business boomed. It is estimated that the ratio of prostitutes to males over the age of 18 was 12-1. And most of those young women died early from STDs.

Sadly, the same tragedy is living itself out today in the Indian/Asian sex-slave business. One of the shameful growing pains of feminism is that high-status women are delaying marriage (often to age 30) to pursue a career -- while keeping their hymens intact. The result is a lack of available sexual partners for men who are still required to marry a virgin. Today's version of Victorian England? The millions of impoverished Indian and Asian girls sold into brothels by their own families.

But here in modern America, women have almost as much sexual freedom as men -- and many seem to be happy to use it to the fullest. While the media still pays lip service to the tired refrain, "She's a home-wrecker," women like Rielle Hunter, Rachel Uchitel, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee et al have the freedom to stage tell-alls about their affairs -- thus creating  a new boundary for men. Women who used to be kept secret and sequestered for fear of public shame can now come out of the closet (or Vegas hotel room) and finally blame the one who broke his commitment.

I know you'll beat me up for saying this, but none of these women ever stood at an altar with the wife of her man and made a commitment to honor her. Of course, you can argue that any card-carrying member of the girls' club should honor all women, and that being young, female, single and orgasm-hungry shouldn't give you a hall pass to bad behavior. I totally agree with that. But who really broke their commitment to marriage? The single woman who has never met the wife -- or the guy who met her, married her and made a giant promise to her?

Gentlemen, I hand you the wrecking ball.

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24 comments so far | Post a comment now
jason November 20, 2010, 4:29 PM

I can see both sides of the argument. It’s true that men should share in the blame when affairs like this are exposed, but I think it should be equal, not slighted one way or the other. As long as she knows he’s married, then I have a big moral issue with it. If both parties are deciding as adults to wrong the other woman (who is faithful, as far as we know), then I think they should both be ridiculed. Especially when in many cases the woman may have provoked the man to do something he otherwise wouldn’t have (or at least not have sought out to do).

Now, if the wife in question was to find her husband on the internet late at night browsing xxx personals online (just an example), then of course her husband is making a conscious effort to be unfaithful and should get 100% of the blame, in my opinion.

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DaleAnn January 30, 2011, 11:17 PM

I do tend to agree on this. Although there are exceptions where a woman would allow herself to be a mistress for the financial security, most women would stay away from married men but find themselves falling in love. I do believe that in this case, its the man’s fault since he would have done everything he could to make the woman his mistress.
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