I think he definitely made the right call.
I did not marry my best friend; I married my lover and the love of my life. He did not become my best friend until years later. I, like Jake, made a decision based on passion -- and nearly twelve years later, that fire is still going strong.
The "heat" that Jake says he has with Vienna -- which he says he's never felt in any other relationship -- isn't something you can build. It's either there, or it isn't. But friendship can develop. The bond of marriage strengthens as each year passes and emotional intimacy deepens, but if there was no passion to begin with, it's not going to be there later.
I identified with Vienna when she said that she felt like she was taking a leap of faith, and that marriage is like jumping off a cliff. I'd thought those exact words the night before my wedding. But there is a knowing and a peace about understanding that you have a lifetime to discover the people you are -- and the people you will become. That's what a marriage is. I have several best friends, but only one soulmate.
I wish more young couples decided to get married based on how their hearts guided them. I believe that making safe choices -- without passionate connections -- are what lead to divorce and lifeless marriages.
|Elizabeth Lindell is a journalist, fiction writer, wife of 11 years and stay-at-home mom to a blossoming tween daughter. She happens to have lupus and bipolar disorder, and has blossomed herself since moving to Los Angeles in 1996 (from a small town in Indiana).|