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Sandra Didn't Believe the Background Check

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C'mon, Sandra: You didn't think that your man would repeat past behavior?!

Sandra Bullock, Jesse James

Dr. Wendy Walsh: Back in 2003, when glamorous Hollywood leading lady Sandra Bullock first laid eyes on Jesse James, a tattoo-covered motorcycle enthusiast, the rest of the world collectively raised their eyebrows. But Sandra was apparently in love's delusional la-la land, telling people that there are churchgoing family men who fool around on their wives, so appearances can be deceiving.

In the case of Jesse James, though, appearances seem to have been accurate. When Sandra met him, he was already on his second marriage -- this one to a porn star who would go to jail for tax evasion. He had two kids with the first wife and another child on the way when he shifted his focus from his pregnant second wife to the bigger prize: Sandra Bullock. Then, five years after they married, a sexy tattoo model (who knew such a career existed?) blabbed to the media about her hot affair with Mr. Sandra Bullock. And the former bodyguard and star of Discovery Channel's "Monster Garage" issued an apology to third wife Sandra and his children.

So, what's a girl to do when a man targets her and then showers her with love and lies? Answer: Read his rap sheet, not his lips. If the trail he took to get to you is lined with the bodies of disappointed women, your only job is to stop that bad boy before he reproduces.

It's an old adage, but: If you want to predict someone's future behavior, look no further than their past behavior. As Sigmund Freud so brilliantly observed, "Human beings have a compulsion to repeat." (Or as modern relationship experts prefer to word it, "Leopards don't change their spots.")

Could Sandra have avoided this Jesse James heartbreak? (After all, few potential partners over age 40 have squeaky-clean relationship track records; if they did, they wouldn't be single at all.) What she could have done -- if she could've shaken her infatuation with hope, an infatuation so many women share -- was keep her own values intact. The flirtations of a married man should never be accepted. Ever. You need to pay close attention to his history, not to his rationalizations for his "situation." 

Sadly, Jesse James' history was Sandra Bullock's future. Not surprisingly, James told his latest paramour (likely not his only affair) that he and Sandra were separated, when really she was off filming "The Blind Side."

Note: Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The Boyfriend Test: How to Evaluate His Potential Before You Lose Your Heart" (Random House).

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9 comments so far | Post a comment now
kkitten March 20, 2010, 6:06 AM

everyone should mind their own business..everyone loves to speculate on what sandra should do..jesse is an incredible man..since people want to put him down,tell sandra what to do..the fact is..this is their i will defend jesse..he’s amazing..i wouldn’t let the skank get her way..i believe in forgiveness espically when we are talking about jesse..sandra found love in him..and i say fight for it..its all worth it. hes not the kind to let matter what..if he did that to me i take the skank out..and take a vacation and work it our..remember folks relationships are work..and he’s worth fighting for.. come on now this is about a lifetime of love,compainionship,growing old together..not to mention all the fun thats been had between the two of them and with the promise of more to come..i’d NEVER let him is worth fighting for..anything great doesn’t come easy..

shamejesseshame March 20, 2010, 6:48 AM

yes people should mind there own business, let them either work it out or part there ways in peace. but i must disagree with jesse being amazing.. he is at fault right along with his fling.. a marriage is work to keep eachother happy, but stray or mess around on your other half well that is over stepping it. ive been married for soon to be 8 years now and my husband has known from the start that if he was to stray then there would be big chance that i will not be here for him. i love him with all my heart and more and would do anything in my power for him and he knows this, but there has to be trust in any relationship once that is broken it is hard to forget and move on. Sandra is a strong woman and im sure she will make the right choice no matter what it is. as far as jesse well, all i can say is you dummy!!!

Black Iris March 20, 2010, 6:56 AM

Tattoo model? You’re being too nice. McGee is a stripper who advertises that she is in search of a sugar daddy. She also say she likes having affairs with doctors and enjoys putting them in their place.

Her profile on something called the “Sexy Social Network of Bikini Girls” sounds like an ad for an escort or computer sex, not a model.

Black Iris March 20, 2010, 7:10 AM

I’m afraid this makes my sympathy for Sandra Bullock go way down. She was the Other Woman and now she’s being cheated on. It’s a good case of being punished by the natural consequences of your actions. A life lesson to point out to our children.
Perhaps we should stop cheering Sandra on in her battle to get James’ child away from her mother. Losing your husband when you’re pregnant wouldn’t make most of act at our best.
I can feel a little sorry for Sandra - mistresses always seem to think that they’re the magic exception to the rule. I wonder about her though - she was 40 not 20. And how could she say don’t judge him for his tattoos because good church men cheat, when she knew Jesse was a cheater? That’s not a background check, that’s this guy lies and cheats, but he won’t do it to me.

Wendi March 20, 2010, 8:16 AM

I think people should just back off. This is their business and it is very private. To keep putting up articles and spectulating as to what has happened or what will happened is just wrong. She is a very strong woman and she will make the right decision for herself. I am appalled that a Psychologist would write this without even talking to either of them. This is why going to a get help these days is just a waste of time. You would rather put people down then try to help them. Shame on you! Just leave them alone and let them work it out. Until you have all the details from both sides from the begining of the realationship, you have no room to say a word.

Jen March 20, 2010, 8:12 PM

I could really care less. I have no personal interest here except entertainment. I have to say this, your being a little too generous when you call the mistress an “sexy tattoo model”. Have you seen that woman? Not only is she a butter face but she looks like she’s got some std. Nastiness!!

Nikki March 21, 2010, 9:50 AM

And THIS is how garbage gets thrown around.You might want to get our facts straight before you start pimping yourself by using someone else’s personal pain. Sandra WAS NOT the other woman in Jesse’s second marriage. He & his wife were already divorced. He divorced her & put out a restraining order against her in October 2003. He didn’t even meet Sandra until January 2004.

This is a perfect example of people needing to mind their own business. Let them work it out however they want. The media & so called experts need to give it a rest.

Shanice Cathell August 14, 2010, 12:03 PM

I was thinking the same thing

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