C'mon, Sandra: You didn't think that your man would repeat past behavior?!
Dr. Wendy Walsh: Back in 2003, when glamorous Hollywood leading lady Sandra Bullock first laid eyes on Jesse James, a tattoo-covered motorcycle enthusiast, the rest of the world collectively raised their eyebrows. But Sandra was apparently in love's delusional la-la land, telling people that there are churchgoing family men who fool around on their wives, so appearances can be deceiving.
In the case of Jesse James, though, appearances seem to have been accurate. When Sandra met him, he was already on his second marriage -- this one to a porn star who would go to jail for tax evasion. He had two kids with the first wife and another child on the way when he shifted his focus from his pregnant second wife to the bigger prize: Sandra Bullock. Then, five years after they married, a sexy tattoo model (who knew such a career existed?) blabbed to the media about her hot affair with Mr. Sandra Bullock. And the former bodyguard and star of Discovery Channel's "Monster Garage" issued an apology to third wife Sandra and his children.
So, what's a girl to do when a man targets her and then showers her with love and lies? Answer: Read his rap sheet, not his lips. If the trail he took to get to you is lined with the bodies of disappointed women, your only job is to stop that bad boy before he reproduces.
It's an old adage, but: If you want to predict someone's future behavior, look no further than their past behavior. As Sigmund Freud so brilliantly observed, "Human beings have a compulsion to repeat." (Or as modern relationship experts prefer to word it, "Leopards don't change their spots.")
Could Sandra have avoided this Jesse James heartbreak? (After all, few potential partners over age 40 have squeaky-clean relationship track records; if they did, they wouldn't be single at all.) What she could have done -- if she could've shaken her infatuation with hope, an infatuation so many women share -- was keep her own values intact. The flirtations of a married man should never be accepted. Ever. You need to pay close attention to his history, not to his rationalizations for his "situation."
Sadly, Jesse James' history was Sandra Bullock's future. Not surprisingly, James told his latest paramour (likely not his only affair) that he and Sandra were separated, when really she was off filming "The Blind Side."
Note: Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The Boyfriend Test: How to Evaluate His Potential Before You Lose Your Heart" (Random House).
|Dr. Wendy Walsh holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology, and her area of interest is Attachment Theory -- a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory that provides a descriptive and explanatory framework for understanding interpersonal relationships between human beings. As a psychological assistant registered with the Calif. Board of Psychology, Dr. Walsh has treated individuals, couples and families for a variety of mental-health concerns, including personality disorders, anger management, eating and substance disorders and depression. Connect with Dr. Walsh on Facebook.|