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Will Baby Legs Make My Son Gay?

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In case you didn't know, there's a new trend afoot, and I'm breaking the story for you here: Many people actually want their little boys to turn out gay.

baby legs

Brett Berk: Why? Because these enlightened parents figure that if they're going to have a son, it might as well be one who's less aggressive, more fun-loving and dishy, doesn't hate to shop and is willing to help out around the house. My own sister -- who is pregnant with her first boy after raising four girls (and who grew up surrounded by three cruel brothers) -- is so panicked about confronting traditional boy-energy that she has asked me to do whatever I can to guarantee that her man-child comes out queer.

My boyfriend, Tal, stepped up to the plate immediately by offering to give the kid his old Dapper Dan doll, to which he credits his own limp-wristedness (that, and being taken to see "Gone With the Wind" with his mom and sister instead of going to a Toronto Maple Leafs game with his dad and brother when he was 8). But being an expert in child development, I know that sexuality starts much earlier than the age at which one begins selecting which sporting events to attend, or choosing a stuffed companion one can dress (and undress) in little leatherette vests and booties. I therefore recommended that my sister partake of prenatal immersion in the Four Gs: "Glee," "Gaga" and "Gossip Girl." But if your boychick is already on the outside, a good friend has recommended another tactic: Baby Legs.

The discovery started innocently enough. My friend's son had a high fever, and his wife decided to dress the boy in a pair of Baby Legs they'd received as a gift for their older daughter, believing that doing so would enhance much-needed core body-cooling when contrasted with a more traditional choice, like pants. I'm no medical doctor, so I don't know about the soundness of this choice, but I do know this: The boy's fever went away, and he now likes to dance to disco music. Witness this photo in which he is rocking a look that can only be described as "Flashdance, Jr." -- and in which, as my friend claims, he is quite literally "coming out of the closet."

I suspect that this product has other uses; someone mentioned that if you dress your child in these, a diaper and nothing else, it makes it easier to change their soiled nappies (of course, the same could be said of knee-high tube socks, Ugg booties and a skirt). But I find it hard to imagine that it has BETTER uses. Baby Legs now, jazz hands later. You heard it here first.



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25 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous March 17, 2010, 4:41 AM

Baby Legs are like 5 years old - you’re a little late on the scoopr

Dee March 17, 2010, 7:47 AM

Are you effing serious? Ok, so if I keep wearing pants, I’ll become a full out lesbian. Because CLOTHING is how sexuality is determined. You’re no better than those crazy Evangelicals.

Sara March 17, 2010, 8:15 AM

Someone doesn’t understand humor… .

Justine March 17, 2010, 9:11 AM

Bad move! I totally get that this article is a joke but people who are already thinking these types of ridiculous things will probably take it seriously. I mean, you know how dumb they are already, let’s not add to the fire :( Equality for everyone!

Kristen Race, PhD March 17, 2010, 9:16 AM

That’s hilarious. I just posted a blog entitled “Why is my 4 year old cross dressing” two days ago. As I said in there, when the kids appear with the Baby Legs or wild outfits, you better have your camera ready! It makes for great ammo later on in life.
Thanks for the post
Kristen
@smartdreamzzz

Deanna March 17, 2010, 9:16 AM

Funny post. I enjoyed it immensely. I’m a mother of 5 and have 1 boy whom we call The King with 4 sisters who dote on him. I can’t imagine him growing up gay with 4 sisters around. I imagine he’ll be ultra boy! Thanks for the morning laugh.

Anonymous March 17, 2010, 9:28 AM

Hrm, I think the humor in this article is just a bit too subtle. There is a slice of absurdity missing.

Anonymous March 17, 2010, 9:51 AM

leg warmers?

tony smith March 17, 2010, 9:56 AM

I know it’s a joke - but let your sister know that as the gay son in a family with 4 boys — ALL of us engaged in major horseplay. Testosterone is the culprit; not sexuality.

Theresa March 17, 2010, 11:53 AM

It’s cooler than pants, perhaps, but I wouldn’t go with the bare diaper. I find a onesie helps hold the diaper and its contents in place, especially once the kid learns to take the diaper off.

Seriously (and by that I mean not at all seriously), I would warn your friend that no good deed goes unpunished. When the kid does grow up gay, he’ll take one look at that picture and shriek, “Mother, you dressed me in THAT?”

That’s the only reason I don’t want my son to become The Gay. He’d be ashamed of me for being a fashion failure.

Jean Rubinson March 17, 2010, 12:17 PM

Hurray for Roxy. I hope she has a gay babe. More power to her.

Aunt Jeannie

just sayin March 17, 2010, 12:45 PM

ewwww…I never hoped for my son to be gay.

tennmom March 17, 2010, 1:55 PM

Ha! Great post, very funny!
BTW, though, a couple of my gay dude friends are viciously mean ;)

kokomama March 17, 2010, 4:12 PM

Hee, hee. I sing, “He’s a maniac, maaaa-niac on the floor,” every time I see my son in babylegs.

Robin March 17, 2010, 7:22 PM

Haha. I have the funniest picture of my son wearing my rainbow leg warmers (I have a valid excuse for those, they were part of a theater costume) a t-shirt, diaper, and big snow gloves. Hilarious.

Anonymous March 19, 2010, 5:24 AM

Sick

Lissa March 19, 2010, 1:08 PM

That just plan messed up. I would never stop loving my son no matter what, but there is no way I would ever wish my son to be gay. I want grand children and a daughter-in-law. I find it gross and I think if thats how one must live, more power to you. But to use a child to full fill some sick dream of your own. Is wrong in so many ways. Not even a good joke.

Lissa March 19, 2010, 1:11 PM

That just plan messed up. I would never stop loving my son no matter what, but there is no way I would ever wish my son to be gay. I want grand children and a daughter-in-law. To me I find it gross and I think if thats how one must live, more power to you. But to use a child to full fill some sick dream of your own. Is wrong in so many ways. Not even a good joke.

Rory March 21, 2010, 3:35 PM

I really wish you would slap your sister. So freaking stupid and offensive.

Parents shouldn’t be trying to make their children into anything. Children aren’t your personal science project.

This is disgusting.

bare minerals make up February 4, 2011, 5:07 AM

It’s exhausting to search out knowledgeable individuals on this topic, however you sound like you know what you’re speaking about! Thanks


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