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Will Baby Legs Make My Son Gay?

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In case you didn't know, there's a new trend afoot, and I'm breaking the story for you here: Many people actually want their little boys to turn out gay.

baby legs

Brett Berk: Why? Because these enlightened parents figure that if they're going to have a son, it might as well be one who's less aggressive, more fun-loving and dishy, doesn't hate to shop and is willing to help out around the house. My own sister -- who is pregnant with her first boy after raising four girls (and who grew up surrounded by three cruel brothers) -- is so panicked about confronting traditional boy-energy that she has asked me to do whatever I can to guarantee that her man-child comes out queer.

My boyfriend, Tal, stepped up to the plate immediately by offering to give the kid his old Dapper Dan doll, to which he credits his own limp-wristedness (that, and being taken to see "Gone With the Wind" with his mom and sister instead of going to a Toronto Maple Leafs game with his dad and brother when he was 8). But being an expert in child development, I know that sexuality starts much earlier than the age at which one begins selecting which sporting events to attend, or choosing a stuffed companion one can dress (and undress) in little leatherette vests and booties. I therefore recommended that my sister partake of prenatal immersion in the Four Gs: "Glee," "Gaga" and "Gossip Girl." But if your boychick is already on the outside, a good friend has recommended another tactic: Baby Legs.

The discovery started innocently enough. My friend's son had a high fever, and his wife decided to dress the boy in a pair of Baby Legs they'd received as a gift for their older daughter, believing that doing so would enhance much-needed core body-cooling when contrasted with a more traditional choice, like pants. I'm no medical doctor, so I don't know about the soundness of this choice, but I do know this: The boy's fever went away, and he now likes to dance to disco music. Witness this photo in which he is rocking a look that can only be described as "Flashdance, Jr." -- and in which, as my friend claims, he is quite literally "coming out of the closet."

I suspect that this product has other uses; someone mentioned that if you dress your child in these, a diaper and nothing else, it makes it easier to change their soiled nappies (of course, the same could be said of knee-high tube socks, Ugg booties and a skirt). But I find it hard to imagine that it has BETTER uses. Baby Legs now, jazz hands later. You heard it here first.



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