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Will Sandra and Jesse Recover from Affair?

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Our psychologist says Jesse's public apology is a good first step.


Dr. Michelle Golland: I must admit, I love Sandra Bullock. She is talented, smart and funny, and she chose the bad boy and made it look like a good, solid choice. It added to her superpower quality in my eyes. It is the classic story of the cheerleader dating the bad boy in high school. The bad boy never believes he can get the cheerleader, and the rebellious bad boy on campus often intrigues the cheerleader. I have strolled on the "wrong side of the tracks" and have dated many a bad boy, especially in my youth. (I must admit I was a cheerleader.) I chose differently, though: I chose a good guy who could be bad if required (at least in my eyes) -- not a bad boy who needs to learn to be good. 

After five years of marriage, it seems Jesse James may not have given up all of his bad-boy ways. His cheating on Sandra Bullock doesn't surprise me, given all the scoundrels in the media right now. As moms, we loved how hard Sandra fought for Jesse's children last year, given their biological mother's emotional and legal issues. The fact that Sandra had taken on his children as her own showed her tenacity, compassion and her deep love for Jesse James. His betrayal must be devastating not only for Sandra but for his children, Chandler, Jesse Jr. and Sunny -- who have been shuffled around for most of their lives (especially Sunny). Sandra and Jesse were often seen at the kids' sporting events in Huntington Beach. They all had become a nice, big blended family.

Sunny's mother is a porn star, and seeing whom Jesse has chosen to be unfaithful with, it seems clear he still likes to walk on the wild side with the "bad" girl. He may have never felt good enough for Sandra. In the beginning of their marriage, Jesse was quoted saying that she made him a better man, and that he felt like Superman being married to her. I am curious if his ego had been wounded lately over Sandra's major success in Hollywood -- the million- dollar golden girl now has an Oscar. He may have never felt he deserved such a smart, strong and classy woman. Jesse may be in fact be proving to all of us he is not worthy of such a prize.

When dealing with couples struggling with infidelity in my practice, I've found the most important thing to be honesty on the part of the cheater, with them taking full and total responsibility for stepping out of the marriage. The fact that Jesse is not trying to deny (although he seems unwilling to own all that is being reported) bodes well for their ability to recover from this affair.

next: Stepmothers Have No Rights!
8 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous March 19, 2010, 5:08 AM

Sorry but she was much more famous than him long before they got married so I don’t buy that excuse. Maybe he just likes things freakier than he gets with Sandra. Anyhow, whatever the reason is, it is only an excuse and he should be ashamed of himself. And however they chose to work it out, it between them.

What March 19, 2010, 7:27 AM

ok really, how could anyone cheat on Sandra? she is a beautiful woman and well it seems that she is such a strong sweet and caring woman, Jesse you are stupid to do that, there is not excuse for what he has done…

michelle March 19, 2010, 10:34 AM

So it’s always the woman’s fault, eh Michelle? Powerful men cheat because all those sl*tty women enticed them. Less powerful men cheat because their successful wives emasculated them. Nice work. I actually hope Sandy doesn’t even try to save this marriage. She should save herself instead, and walk away. We have all seen that Jesse James has a type, and it’s not Sandy. He will almost definitely cheat again, with the same kind of woman. I hope she also gets sole custody of his kids. He doesn’t seem all that qualified to raise them.

Run Sandra RUN March 19, 2010, 11:50 AM

I agree with

- michelle
Posted 03/19/10 10:34 AM

Dr. Golland is completely wrong. The reason men cheat are all about them and has no bearing on their spouse b/c look at the thousands of reasons they use as an excuse, but really it only comes down to weakness of character and lack of impulse control. Cheating is the most cruel and emotionally violent thing a mate can do to his or her spouse. If a man beats the crap out of his wife, everybody has no problem w/ saying run for your life woman, but if he beats the crap out of her emotionally and hurts her emotionally like no one has ever hurt her - that’s okay? Let’s give him more chances to do some more damage? MOST men do not forgive and they are smart to do that. Time for women to catch up. Enough of this double standard. Doctor, you should be ashamed for this poor and outdated advice.

Gail Cooke March 21, 2010, 1:49 PM

I’m sure he’s sorry…sorry he got caught.

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molly March 23, 2010, 12:30 PM

This makes me so upset. Why did he do it. The young lady he had an affair with, and an ongoing affair, doesn’t seem like a nice young lady anyway. So, why? Why? When you have a wonderful lady like Sandra Bullock. This man is a father too?

Bennett Urwin August 14, 2010, 10:56 AM

I was wondering the same thing

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