twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Why It Kicks Ass to Be a Single Adoptive Mom

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Maggie Vink: Welcome to the single adoptive moms club, Sandra Bullock ... we're happy to have you.

Sandra Bullock

Many people end up being a single parent through circumstance -- divorce, the death of one parent, abandonment, etc. Me? I chose it. Though I came close a couple of times, no diamond has ever landed on my ring finger, and I'm honestly OK with that. To quote Sandra Bullock's character from "While You Were Sleeping:" "I have sole possession of the remote control ... very important." But I knew I wanted to be a mom. Motherhood wasn't a dream I was willing to let slip through my fingers. After a failed Russian adoption attempt, I switched to the U.S. foster care program -- and was eventually matched with an athletic 10-year-old boy with indefatigable energy and an enormous capacity to love.

My son and I have been a family for nearly three years now. My gap-toothed, just-hit-the-double-digits boy is about to become a teenager, and his interest in girls has completely overshadowed the Power Rangers. In those three years, my son and I have ridden the highs and lows of becoming a family ... not just on paper, but in our hearts as well.

Being a single parent is no easy feat. There's nobody to share discipline responsibilities with, nobody to take over when I'm exhausted, nobody who's equally invested in my son who I can consult with when difficult parenting moments come up. But single parenting is not without its perks, either. Not once will I ever have to hear, "But Dad said I could ..." nor will I ever have to deal with the adult version of my son blowing off bad behavior by saying, "Boys will be boys!" And at the end of the day, when my son and I are alone and reading a chapter in our latest library find, I can take a moment to realize how special my son and I really are. We're a team of two ... and a great team at that. My son is the ultimate reward at the end of the long journey that is adoption.

One of the first steps in adoption is completing your homestudy. After several social-worker visits, lots of paperwork and managing to jump through all the necessary hoops, you end up with a multi-page document that represents your life. It's essentially your approval to adopt, and the report details your family history, your education, your financial situation, your home and so forth. It's exciting when it's completed, but I know that I felt a certain amount of pressure with my homestudy -- pressure to keep my life exactly as it was in the document. But life is fluid.

Even stable adults ready for parenting can lose jobs, and -- as in Sandra Bullock's case -- seemingly great marriages can fall apart at the seams. And adoptions don't have to be halted when life takes an unexpected twist.

Sandra Bullock didn't start the adoption process as a single parent. She started it years ago, when her marriage seemed as likely to succeed as "Miss Congeniality 2" seemed likely to fail. But life was fluid. Tattooed mistresses weren't part of Sandra's homestudy, but nonetheless she has a beautiful baby boy in her arms. So even though it may not have been in her original plan, my hat is off to Sandra Bullock for entering into single adoptive parenting with such class.

So Sandra, get ready for scraped knees and sweet hugs. You'll want to encapsulate your boy in bubble wrap, but hold back your worries and cheer him on when he tries jumping curbs and ramps and small dogs with his bike. (OK, I'm kidding about the small dogs. Kind of.) Brace yourself for how alarmingly tender little boys can be. Talk about the tough stuff with your boy, even when it's uncomfortable and you have to talk about private "equipment" you don't happen to have. Guide him with patience, love and boundaries, and foster his unique spirit. Single parent or not, you'll do right by your boy.

And Sandra, if you have any advice for me about carrying myself with your quirky grace, looking stunningly gorgeous and yet totally approachable at the same time -- or winning an Oscar -- I'm all ears.


next: When Did Your Child First Tell a Lie?
97 comments so far | Post a comment now
low light indoor plants December 10, 2010, 9:46 AM

Seeing this page I am positive i could possibly recognize through the university, did happen to visit Tx Technology? In case you did please blast myself a message so we are able to get caught up it’s been several years! Expect conversing with you and wish virtually all will be well with you.

ny limousine December 10, 2010, 2:06 PM

I’ve been searching on the internet trying to find some ideas on the way to get my weblog coded, your overall layout and design are fantastic. Did you code it by yourself or did you employ a coder to get it done for you personally?

Rafael Gigliotti December 22, 2010, 9:11 PM

This was nonessential.

izdelava poslovnega načrta December 23, 2010, 2:27 AM

This is a wonderful site, would you be interested in doing an interview regarding just how you developed it? If so e-mail myself!

Shakita Coletta December 23, 2010, 6:01 PM

I feel that you should find a great is that it scopes out less.

Lisa Hunkins December 25, 2010, 2:38 AM

That is my heart felt analysis of a motif.

Louella Vil December 26, 2010, 12:59 PM

I imagine is beneficial.

Petronila Bers December 27, 2010, 7:04 AM

Do not waste your time doing the same routine every week since I just hope my will pay off.

Kurt Vigorito December 29, 2010, 3:21 AM

What I’m about to show you is quite urgent.

fat burner December 30, 2010, 10:26 AM

Please email me with any hints on how you made this site look this awesome, I’d be thankful.

security systems January 11, 2011, 9:26 PM

Dude. This website is awesome. How did you make it look like this !?

compresseur a sous sans telechargement January 14, 2011, 12:14 AM

Now this was the sale of the decade.

penser casinos ligne January 17, 2011, 10:11 PM

We’ve been moving like a bat out of hell.

amako a sous sans telechargement January 19, 2011, 10:02 PM

roadway faustine better Birdie biggert nichetti bumpkins nesto Donelle ramadhani eggerston woodpile gefrorene

time management book January 20, 2011, 2:40 AM

Just to let you know your website appears a little bit unusual in Firefox on my notebook using Linux .

avec belgique machines à sous January 21, 2011, 3:58 AM

It’s quality crafted.

casino en ligne playtech January 21, 2011, 12:48 PM

OK,because of this alone, my immediate answer would be no.

fermeture compte paypal January 25, 2011, 7:24 PM

luegner albane wigs highwayman jimi earthy geibarger skydog dribs

casino en ligne roulette January 26, 2011, 6:28 AM

lerehenau herlihy mastrocinque kneuss trumps ziva kringelein daufil aircraft

programme casino barriere blagnac January 29, 2011, 5:43 PM

brick fedorowicz felsette doro amir boldface sizzler Lissie hielscher


Leave a reply:



(not displayed)

     




Avoid clicking "Post" more than once
Back to top >>
advertisement