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'I Met My Husband on a Website for Cheaters'

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Here is one mom's true story.

stephania and michael

Stephania, a mom of two, met her husband on, a dating website for married folks ... and she's not ashamed to say so. She shares her story with momlogic.

momlogic: What was your situation when you signed onto

Stephania: At the time, my marriage was pretty much over. My daughters were almost 5 and 7, and I was a stay-at-home mom. My then-husband and I had married when I was 20. We had both grown up -- but we'd grown apart. We just had nothing to talk about. He'd come home from work, and he'd go his way and I'd go mine. There was no sex, no relationship, nothing. We were like strangers. I had pushed for marriage counseling, but he wanted no part of it. In October, we had talked about trying to stick it out through the holidays -- but it was pretty much over.

So that month, in October, I was at a girlfriend's house who was single. She was encouraging me to go on a singles site, and I said, "No, I'm not single." Even though my marriage was essentially over, I didn't want to go on there being married. She encouraged me to go on instead, so I could be honest about my situation. So I set up a profile without a picture. About a week later, I went to my e-mail when the kids were at school and there were like six pages of e-mails.

ml: What kind of responses did you get?

S: There were lots of men on there that just wanted to hook up and have a relationship on the side. The majority of them seemed like they were just looking for sex, but that was the last thing from my mind. I was lonely. I wanted a relationship. I needed someone that I could talk to and have fun with. Something stood out about my now-husband, Michael's, e-mail -- our user names both contained references to music, so we had that in common. We both LOVE music. He was in the process of getting divorced. We started e-mailing back and forth, and we clicked instantly. I just couldn't wait to hear from him again.

ml: How did the relationship progress from there?

S:We started live-chatting on MSN. It got to the point where I was taking the kids to school and then rushing home to the computer. I couldn't wait to talk to him again! After a week or so, we swapped pictures and I thought he was very cute. He had all the qualities I was looking for. About four or five weeks into the relationship, we met for the first time. When I met him, there was an instant physical connection. It felt like we had always been a couple -- we knew each other that well.

ml: Did you have guilt over cheating?

S:Of course I did. I didn't want to hurt my first husband and I didn't want to hurt the kids. But my first husband ended up finding all the traces of my e-mails. My marriage ended pretty quickly after that.

ml: What happened next?

S:Michael and I got serious right away. He moved up here near me and we've been together ever since. We got married in Cabo San Lucas, and in February we celebrated our third wedding anniversary.

ml: What do you say to people who think Ashley Madison is a site for cheaters?

S:If I was a working mom and I was working at the time, it could have happened at work. If you are already thinking about it, it doesn't really matter what tool you use. But Ashley Madison takes a lot of the guesswork out. I had two kids, so I wasn't going to the bars or anything. This allowed me to connect with someone who was in a similar situation.

ml: How are things with you and your ex now?

S:My ex and I are the best of friends now. He's remarried. We have the kids for a week, he has the kids for a week. We even do things with the two of them as a couple. He's happy now. We both realize we were no longer meant to be together.

ml: How hard was it to go through something like this with small children?

S:It's very hard to go through this with kids. They're 11 and 13 now, and they still don't know all the details of how we met. They do know we met on the computer, and I will tell them the whole story someday. They think the world of Michael -- that's all I can ask for.

ml: Do you think you and Michael are meant to be?

S:I believe we are soul mates and we were meant to meet. We had both been married young. We both knew who we were as people and what we were looking for this time around.

ml: Do you tell people that you met on Ashley Madison?

S:We do tell people we met on Ashley Madison. It's not a secret. The site always gets a bad rap that it's for cheaters. But you wouldn't be on there if you weren't already to that point ... my marriage was essentially over, and that's the only reason I signed on.

ml: Do you recommend Ashley Madison for other moms?

S:If a mom is in a dead-end marriage, I would recommend it. But I would never tell my happily married friends to sign on.

stephania and michael

Stephania and Michael

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63 comments so far | Post a comment now
molly April 6, 2010, 6:10 AM

you could have just said you wanted a divorce. nobody would have denied you that. i dont think it’s classy to have a website specifically tailored for married people looking to have affairs.

Black Iris April 6, 2010, 6:56 AM

If you’re in the process of getting a divorce, why not just sign up for a regular dating site and say that you’re separated? I wonder what her now-husband’s wife would say about all this.
As for the woman who wrote this article, there is nothing good or okay about what she did. She could have ended up dating a guy who was still married. And she clearly should have broken up with her husband first and then started dating.
Anyone who thinks they left one marriage for a “soul mate” always makes me want to barf. Grow up already.

Kristin April 6, 2010, 7:20 AM

Honestly? Good for you. ^-^

Lisa R. April 6, 2010, 7:52 AM

Every woman (man) who hooks up with someone who is still married & that person leaves their spouse for her (him) kids herself into believing she’s “the one” and he’ll never cheat on her. Maybe. Although I can’t help but wonder how often this woman (and her new husband) goes on-line to this AshleyMadison web site to check if her new hubby is back on there, trolling for women. To say you wouldn’t go to that web site if you weren’t “already at that point” where your marriage is over is untrue. Some people cheat just to cheat, because they’re bored, because they can, whatever, and that’s what makes a web site like that so reprehensible.

calimommy April 6, 2010, 10:32 AM

AND guess where your husband will meet his next wife? That’s right…Ashleymadison. And since he’s an obvious keeper ~ you may want to install some spyware on his computer.

molly April 6, 2010, 12:05 PM

I also wouldn’t trust anyone who is on that site, they are showing their moral value, I wouldn’t believe they would be faithful to their new, current spouse. also, what if these people, or any people on these kind of sites don’t meet anybody…would they then go back to their marriage. so, they stay married unless they find someone to cheat with and ultimately divorce for? i just dont like this story at all. there are words invented for these types of people which we can’t post.

cheryl April 6, 2010, 12:49 PM

Ladies I agree with you,grow up already.These people live in a fantasy world.Soul-mates? Really I bet thats what they say every time they get together with someone.It helps ease their guilt.How irresponsible and gutless can you be.That’s what a divorce is for honey? My husband pulled that crap.The stuff he said about me wasn’t even true. It just made it easier for women to feel sorry for his rotten butt and he got away with it until they realized he wasn’t the wronged party.These sites and people on them are sleazy slimy and have no moral values what soever they just pretend to when it’s convenient.That’s is when it’s useful to seem like they do.Disgusting!

tennmom April 6, 2010, 12:54 PM

I wouldn’t trust a man (or a woman, if I were a man) as far as I could throw him/her if we met through such a site.
What’s wrong with, um, ending one relationship before seeking another?

Gail Cooke April 6, 2010, 1:26 PM

I’m sure you two deserve eachother…hope you crash and burn. Because both of you deserve that. Vile creatures.

vienna April 6, 2010, 2:01 PM

I see that expression used a lot above “even though my marriage was essentially over”. she’s trying to rationalize and justify what she did to make herself feel less bad. If she was really “not ashamed” of all this, she wouldn’t use that expression. just my opinion.

Anonymous April 6, 2010, 2:31 PM

It’s hard to believe that she and her second husband are really being honest. The story has strange holes in it. If you and your husband have agreed to stay together until the holidays, why not wait a couple of months to look for someone else? If her husband was really ready to divorce her, why did he get upset when he found the cheating e-mails? Why doesn’t she mention how the cheating guy’s wife feels about it all? Why use Ashley Madison if you’re really in the process of getting divorced? Why hide it if your marriage is really over? Why look for someone who is planning to cheat on their spouse? Does this woman think it’s more honest to go to a cheater’s website instead of a single one? Why???
And why don’t they tell their kids how they met. What an awkward story this is going to be when the kids grow up.

Chrissy April 6, 2010, 3:21 PM

Anonymous - very good questions.
I would also like to know - when you got married at 20, was it to your “soul mate”? (A-la Tori Spelling who told the world that she married her “soul mate” only to a year later divocre her “soul mate” to be with her married lover, now husband who oddly enough she calls her “soul mate”. Seriously can we end this soul mate crap? Like it some how justifies bad behaviour.)
And you don’t think by publishing your story on the web, your kids AREN’T going to find out?

chris April 6, 2010, 6:19 PM

I also would never trust someone that I met thru an on-line cheating web site. I hope that this marriage fairs better for them than their last ones did but I personally would always checking the computer and questioning him which in the long run I think would destroy the relationship.

L April 6, 2010, 10:50 PM

Hahahahahaha you ladies crack me up!! I didn’t even have to read the story and I was waiting to read the nasty comments. Just because you moms are happy to stick around in an average marriage and not have sex, doesn’t mean other women want to grow old that way too!

Good luck Stephania, I’m in love with my soul mate too! Isn’t it fantastic!!


chris April 7, 2010, 5:12 AM

I’ve been married for 16yrs and I still have plenty of really good sex so don’t just assume because someone has been married a long time that their marriage is average and boring!

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curiositykills May 12, 2010, 12:25 AM

I like how she avoided answering the question about the ‘cheating’ website. If you haven’t asked for a divorce, you’re cheating.

First mistake was being a stay at home mom, in my opinion. It can be dreadfully dull if you aren’t careful.

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