Could you have sex with your partner every day for a month to improve a stagnant relationship?
On paper, it sounds like a fun idea. BUT SHEESH FOR 30 DAYS STRAIGHT?!
A couple who took the month-long plunge, Sarah and Colin Kavanagh, recorded their daily nookie in diary format on the Daily Mail's website. On the first day, Sarah gleefully wrote, "There's no time like the present, so, for the first time in at least five years we make love on a work day before I've even put the kettle on."
Really? Where were the kids?! Watching as they ate their porridge?! Turns out, Sarah and Colin don't have children. No small wonder: If they did, they'd be hard-pressed to figure out how to manage any kind of "private time" -- even of the "quickie" variety. Especially before work!
Before kids, you can have sex anytime, anywhere. You can have it in the kitchen ... heck, you can have it in the REFRIGERATOR if that floats your boat. Here's a fact: Anyone who tells you that spontaneous sex is possible with a bunch of little rugrats running around is A) a liar, or B) a liar.
I know firsthand. I tried the 30-day experiment a while back. My account was quite different from the Kavanagh's.
DAY ONE: Our 4-year-old daughter is sleeping. No time like the present! My husband and I share a kiss and start to undress to kick off our 30-days-of-nookie experiment. Immediately, we hear a little voice: "Daddy, Mommy, what are you doing?!"
"Nothing, sweetie," I call back. "Now go to sleep."
Out of nowhere, she appears, hands on hips. We quickly try to cover up with the sheet. "Mommy, why aren't you wearing a shirt? Daddy, why are your pants on the floor? Daddy, why are you holding my mommy's bra?? (starting to cry) Give it back to her! THAT'S MY MOMMY'S BRA!!"
DAY TWO: We vow to try to have sex before Lily gets up in the morning. We set the alarm for 6 AM. We needn't have bothered: At 5:50, Lily jumps onto our bed and proceeds to throw up all over our freshly laundered comforter. The window of time set aside for our union goes to checking Lily's temperature, giving her a bath and washing vomit-scented sheets.
DAY THREE: After I've spent the last day and night taking care of a sick kid while simultaneously working from home, my husband approaches me for our third attempt at getting it on. Unfortunately, I've passed out on the couch, fully dressed and drooling. Sexy.
DAY FOUR: We try again, but this time we try to do it on the living-room floor. My husband lays me down -- directly on top of a Polly Pocket tea set, which jams me in the lower back.
DAY FIVE: Husband (after working a 15-hour day): "Is it OK if we don't?" Me: "I love you."
I guess you could say our attempt at 30 days of consecutive sex was a failure, but we're not discouraged. We keep trying. Can anyone pony up for 30 days of babysitting?