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8 Reasons I Think the Octomom Is On Something

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Ever wanted to peek into the brain of Nadya Suleman, a.k.a. Octomom? Wait, don't answer that ....

Yesterday, Oprah Winfrey tried to get to the bottom of how Suleman, who appeared on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" via satellite, had gotten herself into the predicament of being a single, unemployed mom of 14. During the hour-long interview, Oprah suddenly said that she'd had an epiphany. "Other people have addictions," mused the talk-show queen. "You are addicted to having children." Nice point, Oprah, but I surmise that Nadya is addicted to something else ... and it ain't legal. There's no other way to explain her bizarre daytime television appearance.

Put simply, Octomom is either hopped up on goofballs or off her rocker ... or both. Here's why:

nadya Suleman

1) She NEVER sleeps.The behind-the-scenes footage of a typical day in Suleman's life started at 5:54 in the morning and ended at 5:00 the next morning. During the entire 24-hour cycle, the woman never slept. Nor did she drink a cup of coffee or soda. Suleman told Oprah that she only gets three hours of sleep a night. How does she do it? By "taking deep breaths throughout the day," she said. Did she mean through her nose?

2) She believes that she's the supreme leader of a utopian society. Suleman exhibits the classic narcissistic tendencies shared by many of the world's greatest wackos -- all she's missing is a tinfoil hat. Nadya told Oprah that her children give her comfort because, "Kids won't leave you. You can create this safe, predictable little society. I created this village -- my own little safe, predictable, safe village." Just substitute "village" for "cult."

3) She's delusional. Nadya said that she would never consider putting her children in foster care or up for adoption, because she has the ability to meet all of her children's needs. Yet her house (which resembles a poorly run orphanage) is filled with screaming children yearning for attention. At one point, Calyssa, one of her 3-year-old twins, attempts to squash an octuplet like she's stomping grapes. Maybe somebody could handle her situation. Unfortunately for those poor children, it's not their mother.

4) She's manic.The day-in-a-life footage of the Octomom featured her feeding and herding her kids around like an energetic Border collie. How does she unwind? Well, technically she doesn't. "I will journal from two in the morning to five in the morning," she said. Hmm ... obsessively writing in a journal until 5 AM when your kids get up then? Sounds freaky ...speed freaky.

5) She's a compulsive liar.Either she has clothespins holding up her face and a chronic allergic reaction that permanently swells her lips, or this chick has been under the knife. Yet she continues to deny that she had plastic surgery. And let's not forget that (suspiciously flat) belly: If she lost the baby-weight naturally, what did she do with the four excess yards of skin?

6) She dresses like a giant baby herself.Q: What woman would allow herself to be filmed in horizontal-striped, union-suit pajamas and giant bunny slippers? A: One who is certifiably insane ... or has a fetish for giant onesies. Seriously, on Oprah that's what you wear?! WTF?

7) She has a split personality.One of her personalities talks about working toward her master's degree and drops words like "erroneous," "enshrouds," "duplicitous" and "deleterious." The other claims she had no idea that food stamps count as government assistance. "I was receiving food stamps with the six children for one year," she said. "Once I found out it was affiliated to welfare ... I terminated them." Did she cancel the food stamps, or her other personality, Sybil, do it for her?

8) She's paranoid. Cloistered in the prison of her own making, Nadya is fearful of how the outside world perceives her -- particularly her nannies. When asked by one of Oprah's producers if she has ever worried that a nanny who hasn't shown up has possibly quit like the others, she flipped out. "No one's quit!" she said. "Who's quit?! Who's quit?! No one's ever quit! I fired everyone who's not working for me anymore. No one's ever quit." Maybe they're just buried under the floorboards ....

next: Single Moms Demand R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
41 comments so far | Post a comment now
donedonedone April 28, 2010, 12:30 PM

you can always tell posts by the people Nadya pays to maintain an on-line presence

the words donate (of course) and negativity —- -and it’s all about attacking the posters who criticize this mom of the year that has had this ten year long overdose of fertility drugs thrust at her out of nowhere. While she pressed her doctor so hard to implant eleven embryos at once —the standard of care for women rage is no more than two—that he took the time to make her sign a waiver because that was so dangerous to the babies involved.

blondie April 28, 2010, 12:34 PM

Thank you so much for your article!
It’s so refreshing to read articles by
someone that doesn’t skirt the issues about Ms Plastic Puss.Oh, that tight face!
That ,no tummy tuck lie, is one of
the most ridiculous things that I have
ever heard! She should have an apron to
her knees.I look forward to reading your
common sense articles again.

Whooptydoo April 28, 2010, 3:47 PM

Donations? Sorry, churches and missions need my money more than Nadya needs another cup of Starbucks coffee.

gail May 9, 2010, 5:00 PM

Only thing constant?.. is she lies. No reason to try to make sense. She hasn’t got the brain of a nute! I saw something the other day, she was coming back from the View to the airport, she dropped her glove, ..and SQUEALED?! Then they ask her about loosing weight at the gym, and she says…’I gained weight at the gym’..she…had.. been saying she lost a 100+ lbs by working out.
She will say anything for attention..except, I want a job, where is the unemployment line?

Can you spare us..’the children are here now’? OMG! and..THEY ARE AN ACT OF GOD! forget that one too.
God mercifully fixed her plumbing so there wouldn’t be more Nadya’s..she used our money and a quack md and over rode God!

why should we donate?If Jeffrey Dahmer left a litter, would you finance it?
Everyday, those kids are showing more, they are little Octos. I would like to spank the 2 moronic twins. It might be the only discipline they have ever had, and save another’s life.

FINALY…where do you get off saying she needs our help/money, or prayers? If she isn’t flying away to NY to get filmed..she is at the gym..or the eyelash, nail, or whatever falsie place, to get glued, stitched, plastered, or puddied.
It was a joke in view of filmed, or falsies up schedule she can maintain, that she can’t get her kid to the doctor?
Oh please! what staged BS!

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