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The Parenting Book of Odds

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The odds that you'll screw up as a parent are good. And just in case you're the gambling type, I've compiled a list of probabilities parents face. NOTE: Unlike the scientific data on the website Book of Odds,the odds of my stats being accurate is pretty much nil.

Parenting Book of Odds

1 in 13.5 million

Odds you teen will refrain from texting a friend while engaging in a conversation with you.

1 in 5

Odds, if you tried to read your teen's text messages, that you'd understand what the hell they were saying.

1 in 467

Odds your preschooler's shoes are full of sand.

1 in 2

Odds they'll dump their sand-filled shoes out in the middle of the living room floor minutes after you just finished cleaning.

1 in 27

Odds your newborn will have a diaper blowout directly after you've dressed them, strapped them in the car seat and you're running late to an appointment.

1 in 78

Odds you won't be able to identify yourself in your preschooler's artwork.

1 in 456,000

Odds a non-stop talking toddler will speak one syllable to grandma when handed the phone.

1 in 307

Odds you will forget your child beloved security item at home when on a family vacation.

1 in 563.5 million

Odds your teen WON'T be embarrassed if you start singing along to 'Girls Just Want to Have fun' or "We Are the Champions," when it's playing on a classic rock radio station.

1 in 241

Odds, if you have a kid between the ages of 4 months and 5 years, that you have petrified goldfish crackers in at least three yet-to-be discovered locations in your car.

1 in 18

Odds your kid will desperately have to pee when you're stuck at the top of a ferris wheel.

next: Michael Douglas' Son Gets Five Years in Prison
151 comments so far | Post a comment now
June April 20, 2010, 3:44 PM

Boy how did you know?
This happened to me back in the 1960’s when I took my duaghter on the ferris wheel at Universal Studios.

As we reached the top she said that she had to go ( badly.) I am begging her to hold it and as the ride finally ended we raced together across the park only to face the longest line known to man. Someone took mercy and when she was safely on the toilet she looked at me sweetly and said that she didn’t need to go anymore…..

Howdy April 21, 2010, 9:25 AM

June, that’s hysterical! (And typical!)

Nancy Williams April 21, 2010, 10:13 AM

My daughter came home everyday from school with wet pants even though I always sent extras. I learned several years after school that it was a medical condition. She was missing a hormone which made her unable to get to a bathroom in time. Since then her Dr. has prescribed a spray and she sprays it in her nose before we go somewhere. Since she has been using it she know longer has accidents.

Becca Q. April 21, 2010, 7:38 PM

The odds your preschoolers shoes are filled with sand are WAY higher than 1 in 467. If you disagree 0 you’ve never had preschool boys.

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